AIBU? Not been asked to be bridesmaid...

[Amy290381]

So, my oldest friend is due to get married next year and recently sent out her bridesmaid invitations. She has 3 sisters so I never really expected her to have friends as bridesmaids as well because I just assumed that they would just be her bridesmaids plus possible family members from her partners side of the family.

I got contacted by my other friend who basically told me that she had received a bridesmaid invitation in the post and she wanted to tell me before I saw anything on social media and didn’t want me to be upset. This friend of mine is my best friend and I introduced her to my oldest friend who is getting married years back now and they are obviously still really good friends. Unfortunately Me and my oldest friend have drifted apart in the last couple of years and not for any reason in particular.. I guess you can just drift apart as you get older but despite this, when I found out I hadn’t been asked to be a bridesmaid too I was REALLY hurt. I just wasn’t expecting my best friend to be asked and I just felt that 25+ years of friendship with my oldest friend had been made to feel like it was nothing...

I think what I am finding difficult is not that I’m not a bridesmaid, but my oldest friend has not said a word about it at all. It’s not like I want an apology or anything because she can have who she wants as a bridesmaid but to make things less awkward if I was in her position I would have maybe said “look, no hard feelings” or “are we ok” but she has said nothing. And then last week I was invited to her hen do which was due to cost me £150 and I declined. I don’t feel as though I want to go and I would just feel really awkward. Am I being unreasonable?

Why would you expect to be bridesmaid if you've drifted apart? You are being quite petty not going to the hen do. In the nicest way possible, you need to get over yourself. This isnt about you.

I didn't have any bridesmaids at my wedding. I also didn't even invite the friend I was a bridesmaid for a few years before - nothing personal, it's just that we only had a 12-guest list so I didn't have space for her.

Honestly. Being a bridesmaid is a bit shit. You wear a dress you generally don't really like and won't wear again, stand around a lot holding things for other people, and have to keep a smile on your face for ages in the photos. It's so much better to be a bog-standard guest who can start on the booze while the photos are being taken.

The bride is entitled to choose whoever she wants. She doesn’t have to explain her choices to you either. And if you’ve bailed on the hen do because of this then you are not that close and she was right not to ask you.

I can understand why you are hurt, we cannot help what hurts us.
The Bride of course is entitled to invite who she wants as Bridemaids. I admire your friend for having the courtesy to tell you in advance of Social Media etc, she is a good friend. It is ok to be hurt.

Honestly if I were you I would politely decline the invite to the Hen saying that you have another commitment that weekend as I think you would find it upsetting.