Am I being childish?

[Givemeagin16]

So basically, I've got a best friend of 16 years!another girl we used to go to school with all 3 of us became really close once we left school and we've all been best friends since!

I'm the only one with a baby. 17 month old little boy. Since I've had him I just feel really left out. Especially from my oldest friend.

They always seem to be out doing things together and I never ever get an a invite. They've recently gone on a girls weekend away to Leeds, they've gone climbing up a mountain, they go out constantly for tea or drinks or shopping and I don't get invited.

My oldest friend and I hardly speak anymore. Like we go weeks and weeks without speaking. But I speak to the other one all the time. She pops round, I go out with her and the baby sometimes so it's not so much on her it's the other one.

She has all this stuff going on in her life and I know nothing about it until my other friend brings it up. She's started dating someone for a few months and I didn't know anything about him. I just feel like she's my oldest friend so why isn't she telling me such exciting things that are happening in her life?

I'm supposed to be going out this weekend with them and I just feel like I shouldn't go as I'm so annoyed with my oldest friend about how everything is between us. Should I say something to her and try and clear the air? Or am I just completely over reacting and being really childish about it all?

Maybe worth going out with them and bringing it up? Not in an argumentative way, just that it’s upsetting you and you value the friendship.

Don’t make this a thing. No talk simply have a night out let the conversation flow
See what the vibe is, Ask her in a genuine way about her new man

These things happen when you have kids I'm afraid. You're tied and she isn't. Life moves on. Perhaps time to find some new friends who are at the same life stage as you?
I know it's hurtful, I think a lot of us have been there. But she's voting with her feet and there's little you can do to change it.

Fairly standard I’m afraid. You’re tied to a baby and they’re young, free and single. You could try inviting them to come round one evening for a take away and a film, but don’t be surprised if they don’t want to.

Friends are often just friends when you're at the same place in life, you've moved to a different phase, and you may not have much in common anymore. It sucks, but it happens.

They probably think you can't do most of those things now or won't want to leave your DC, it does happen. Things will change at they get older

Don’t have the talk, it’s bound to get emotional and too high a risk it will go wrong and end the friendship.

Do you maybe take the baby with you a lot, or talk about your baby a lot. There is nothing wrong with this, but when child free it may be not what your friend is interested in, sometimes our lives change and it impacts on our relationships

Would you really be able to do the things they are doing without your child? Because you can’t take a baby mountaineering and drinking.

I’ve known my closest friend for 30 years. Over the years our lives have been at different points and there has been times when life has got in the way and we’ve not seen each other for a very long time.

She made mummy friends through baby groups, I went out with my work colleagues and other friends. Then I had a baby and we became close again. She started work and was very busy and messaging wasn’t as regular ect. Then her marriage was in trouble so she was messaging all the time, I’d built my own mummy friends up by then and she felt a bit side lined. Kids are older now and we go on holiday together once a year with out the kids. She’s still my best friend and I love her dearly and I know she loves me.

Long friendships ebb and flow.

Why don’t you message her for a catch up

Do you initiate contact/meet ups with her?

I don't think I would do A Discussion. Just go out and enjoy yourself. I'm sure you'll be getting on like a house on fire in no time . You can catch up on all her gossip etc. But friendships always change when you aren't at the same stage in life. One day, she might have a young dc and you'll be on the same page again, but I don't think you can force it really.

Agree with plump.

Ive been there, not just whenIve had DC but other scenarios- New job, new DP, divorce, house move.
Ive valued all my friendships, Then half have just moved on, a couple of friends were really horrid in the end.
unfortunately I was the one left hurt and tbh, Quite untrusting of new friendships.

Go out at the weekend carry on as normal.
Move on from your previous friendship as it was and find new people where you are in life right now.

See what happens when she has a child....

It sounds like you still do lots with yorue other friend just not the oldest one..sometimes friendships change especially when there's 3 and one isnt available

Don't turn this into a drama or you'll end up losing a friend. Do you actually want to go climbing mountains? If not, yes, you are being childish. You can't expect your friends to curtail their lives because you chose to have a baby.She'll probably tell you all about the new boyfriend when you see her.

I went through this with my oldest and best friend when I had kids. I have no idea why it happens I still go out in the evening and do loads of non kid stuff so I have no idea why it happens but it’s so common I hear about it happening all the time.

Go out, have a fab time, and move on. Some friends are only friends when you are at the same place in life. I'm sorry this has happened to you, but focus on the good friends you have

@combatbarbie

See what happens when she has a child....

What makes you think she wants one?

I think single people find babies quite boring. Friendships tend to work best in a peer group, and they are just not that anymore. Maybe find other young mums? If not say you'd love to be invited and can easily get a babysitter. Just don't talk about babies all the time and you should be fine.