I was with my ex for six years. It was an unhappy relationship, he financially abused me and there were a few times where he was quite verbally aggressive and a couple of times where he was physically aggressive - pushed me into a table and had me up by the throat in an argument. I was quite mentally ill and I felt guilty for a long time that he stayed with me. He ended up leaving me for a girl at work and I was devastated. Anyway, two years later and the girl he left me for has messaged me. She has told me that she was sorry for the hurt that had been caused but that she didn’t know we were together when it happened until recently when they broke up. He had gone on her phone and blocked my accounts and he had started a new job at the time and told everyone he was single. I do believe this because he hid our relationship on Facebook during the last year and never posted about me. He’d untag himself from anything I tagged him in. The ex has told me that he abused her badly, verbally and physically and cheated on her five times. She has just managed to leave him and has got the police involved. He is making fake accounts to follow her, sending her disgusting messages (some of which I’ve seen). Some of it is really, really nasty and I honestly couldn’t believe it. I have also found out that he cheated on me multiple times before starting things with her, all in the work toilets. Early in our relationship there had been some texting with other girls but I didn’t think anything physical had happened. I was young and forgave it. I knew something was up when he got a new job, but I didn’t expect that. When we got together we were living together, and he had told her he was sofa surfing. Obviously I’m over it and the cheating doesn’t bother me because I have moved on and have a lovely partner and a baby. But I can’t help but feel angry because I blamed myself when he left, and even apologised to him and said his new girlfriend seemed nice, when he came to get his things. I knew that he wasn’t a great person before we were together, he had cheated on every girlfriend he’d had, but they were all short-term relationships. I thought he’d grown up. The now-ex told me that he had boasted about cheating on all his girlfriends, which is something I believe. I feel awful for her receiving all of this abuse, it’s like he’s an even worse version of what he was. There’s a lot of evidence to back up what she has said. It’s left her very traumatised and I don’t have any anger towards her, I genuinely feel very upset for her.
On my part, I’m angry at myself for blaming myself for everything and allowing myself to be treated how I was, and manipulated constantly to make it my fault. I also feel so awful for her that she has been badly abused and he has just got away with it.
Do you think there is anything I should do? I’m conflicted because I know she probably feels she can talk to me because I’ve been there - and she seems like a nice girl and genuine and vulnerable. But at the same time I have moved on from the relationship and have a lovely family. What would you do?