To use Covid 19 as an excuse for a small wedding next year?

[NotABridezillaToBe]

DP and I got engaged just before we had DC1 and we now have DC2. All of our friends had big weddings and we were hoping to do the same, but finances with two DC are pretty brutal. I am slowly coming to the realization that it just won’t be possible without making some huge sacrifices (like a new car).

There is an expectation that we have a big wedding and X number of bridesmaids (which is ridiculously political), I am not sure I can face all the hassle. I am wondering whether we should just plan an immediate family only wedding end of this year/ early next year and blame the pandemic?

I feel a bit sad about the idea of not having a big party with all of our friends, but when I think of what it would cost I think of what we could spend it on instead.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. My partner and I had a wedding with only our immediate family (40 guests in total) and a larger party with extended family and friends later. It was what we wanted and I am so glad! We do not regret it at all! It was amazing and all our friends commented on how much they enjoyed the party .
I try and stress this to people over and over again - it's your wedding, do what you want, invite who you want and spend what you like!
There should be no expectations when it comes to weddings and it is only one day. Frankly weddings are so tiring, can be boring and there can be alot of waiting around while you are starving 😂
If anyone asks you can explain that you just want to be married more than anything - we did! Hopefully people will be more understanding now with the pandemic but I wouldn't blame you for using it as an excuse at the same time don't sacrifice other things like new car just to please other people.

It’s maybe a cliche but it’s your wedding! Do what makes you happy, truly happy and sod everything else. If you go small and regret it you could do an anniversary party or a vow renewal at a later date but if you go large and regret the money is gone

OP. Minus the children in the picture I had exactly the same thought as you this morning!

It will give us an excuse not to invite family members who we don't actually want there, and to uninvite people who we've grown apart from this last year (unfortunately there have been a few due to the pandemic crisis!)

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, I hear you and I'm with you

You don’t need an excuse-do what is best for you. I think big weddings are really tacky, especially at the moment when so many have had to be cancelled or compromised and lots of people have lost jobs and are struggling for cash. Not a time for tactless displays of conspicuous consumption!

It’s a good idea about having a big anniversary party later, that would also mean we could avoid best man and bridesmaid politics but still have a bit party.

I think the sad fact is that when we went to all our friends’ weddings, it was before DC and everyone was really tight. Most people have had children and moved to different areas so even though we keep in touch, we have probably drifted apart from a lot of our friends in all honesty. It seems odd to not invite friends to our wedding because we have been too pre occupied with our family commitments, but at this point I feel like I would just be happy with family.

If money was no object, I would plan a big wedding with everyone (including their children) in 2022 but it would be so expensive. I think we have also missed the boat a bit for a childfree wedding as so many people have them.

The Covid excuse is really looking appealing!

Has anyone had a small wedding and regretted it?

The only people I know who had big weddings did it before having children and often with financial help from parents.

If you can’t afford it, there is no point trying to keep up with the Joneses.

We had a “parents, siblings and grandparents” wedding, which amounted to 17 people. A few aunts and cousins were a bit put out, but they got over it. The day cost about £800 and we’re just as married as people who spent £15,000.

It's not unreasonable to want a small intimate wedding, but ideally you should be able to say "this is what I want" rather than "this is what we'll have to have because of Covid". Quite understandable to want to take the easy way out, but do be aware there's a risk that people may then try to "solve" it for you, at the least try to persuade you to postpone a year or two, so you may not get away from the pressure.

Weddings are a bit like A-levels - they recede into the background as the years go by. I don't look at wedding photos now, I still remember snippets like DH, happy faces, honeymoon, but it's not the defining event of my life. Too many lovely memories filling the intervening years.

OP, we're planning a tiny wedding (7 including us!) and then a couple of parties afterwards for friends and family, depending on covid restrictions. Having both done big white weddings first time around, we were both adamant we wouldn't be doing it again! Small weddings are lovely and intimate and the parties afterwards mean the fun lasts longer

I posted a thread about this a few weeks ago, saying that I think now is the best time ever to plan a wedding. No extravagance, no excess expense, and no having to invite granny’s brother in law’s second cousin twice removed....

If I were getting married I would deliberately have brought it forward to now just so I could do that. That being said, if I get married again I won’t bother with the expense, just pop down the registry office and get it done. .