To not make DH lunch

[threecats333]

Both me and DH will be working from home when kids are back at school. AIBU to not make lunch for him - he reasons if I'm making lunch for myself I can make him lunch.

I've told him to let me know what to put on the online shop for him so he can sort himself out for lunch and I won't be making him lunch. He is cross.

I'm sick of cooking 3 meals a day for 4 people. I fancy cooking myself whatever I feel like when I feel like for lunch. I rarely eat bread, DH only makes sandwiches or things on toast and he very rarely cooks. So it's not like he can make me lunch. He has never made a salad in his life. Over lockdown despite me reminding him to tell me when he has conference calls he nearly always forgot to tell me when he was free to eat lunch.

If I make soup of course he can have some but otherwise he can make his own lunch and eat it when he feels like?

I only work a few hours each month however as a rule I don't make DH's lunch or the lunch for my 2 teenagers and everyone is expected to clear up after themselves. They know what they like and they make it themselves, like you I tend to eat salad or soup for lunch whereas DH's has a bit of a carb fest. You just need to stick to your guns on this and continue to make your own. If he gets cross or sulks just don't say anything, let him rant on and then ignore.

Does he do other things around the house? I tend to make all the food but dh does washing, tidying, much more overall

YANBU at all. He sounds lazy and entitled.

DP has a similar attitude towards cooking and will only make things that are convenient like sandwiches. But he would never expect me to make him lunch, especially as I'm more likely to eat a salad or something equally healthy that he won't like.

If you’re eating different things at different times then his reasoning that if you’re making lunch for himself then you might as well make his makes absolutely no sense. Also if you’re both working for home why is cooking breakfast and dinner and the food shopping down to you also? What chores are his responsibility?

I'd go one further and stop making him dinner too! What a lazy twat.

Who does he think is going to be preparing meals for the pair of you in 10-15 years?

I just tell DH what im making and ask if he wants some

I’d offer to make him what I’m having but I wouldn’t make anything different than that.

I rarely eat bread, DH only makes sandwiches or things on toast and he very rarely cooks. So it's not like he can make me lunch.

Why? He chooses not to cook - that doesn't mean he is physically incapable of cooking.
Lazy sod.

YANBU my husband does the same thing and it really irritates me. Very occasionally he’ll make something for me. But generally each time I prepare a meal he wants me to do the same for him. Sometimes I just want to butter a few crackers for me and sit down!

Eh it's a bit petty but understandable

If you’re the one making it then make what you want, ask him if he wants any, if he does then make enough for both of you, if he doesn’t then he can sort himself out.

That’s what DH and I do.

My partners gets cold meats, cheese, pasties, pork pies etc put in the fridge on shopping day and eats his way through, I don't prepare him anything as he doesn't like cooked meals.

Sounds like he’s got you down as the official meal maker. Does he do his shares of other chores?

Do your children?

Could be time to reallocate housework fairly amongst all household members. If they don’t want to take their turn they can fuck right off and starve.

@dwiz8 why is it understandable?

During lockdown my DH, and Kids 14 and 12 all
Made their own lunch from the contents of the fridge. They have 2 hands and 2
Feet and are more than capable!!!

Granted I am not working from home but on mat leave soon to be placed on furlough. I make dinner for me and the kids. I sometimes offer to make him some, if I can be bothered or if I know it's something he'll like. Mostly I just sort us out and he'll have whatever he fancies which is normally unhealthy.
I know how you feel it's more effort to make for one person though.

OP there are least 2 separate issues here:

1. He expects and demands that you cook for him. Absofuckinglutely no way you should do this, simply because he is 'cross' that you won't. No, no, no. YANBU at all to refuse. You are not his skivvy. Just don't do it and ignore the inevitable sulking.

1. He can't or won't cook. This is also wildly unreasonable esp as you have a progressive illness. From personal experience I know how hard it is to overcome this obstinance (God, the salad issue - mine refuses to even try). I started just telling my husband that he was now cooking twice a week and I choose one new dish each week for him (from a very simple recipe book). I also started making my then 10 year old cook once a week (again choosing from the same book) - she's now 12 and cooks twice a week too so I'm only cooking two or three times a week. I also have a progressive illness and this was my way of making sure noone would end up malnourished if/when I can no longer cook (hopefully not for many years!).

Good luck, I know how frustrating it is. Stick to your guns.

^totally this. He needs to up his game. To be fair he needs to learn to cook but you having a progressive illness does make that more pressing

My dh has been working from home but I work part time outside of the home. I never got into the habit of making his lunch, if I was having an omlette or sandwich I would ask him but otherwise he would get his own. I would always ask him if he wanted a cup of tea or coffee when I made mine though and vice versa.

Your dh is more than capable of sorting out his own lunches, I'd he doesn't want to that is his problem. You are working too.

*if