"I looked fine, but was suffering from MH"

[MidnightCitrus]

there's another story on the news, where a social media influencer is talking about how she made it look like everything was wonderful, but in reality she was suffering from post partum depression.

We see this so much, "I hid it so well" I get that sometimes you don't even realise you are depressed or suffering, but it would be so helpful to see what it looks like.

i don't think you'll have to wait too long hmm it seems like all social media personalities are 'revealing' their mental health issues now, as a way of increasing traffic by talking about a buzz topic helping people

I, too, wonder why people don't talk about it.

But the thing is, a lot of people suffering with their MY do "look normal" . Glamorous, even. It's good for people to realise that depression/anxiety/grief doesn't always look like ... floods of tears, or staying in bed, or no make up for a few examples.

The worst time of my life was after I lost my son in the second trimester. I thought I was coping because I was getting up and dressed and going through the motions of the day, I almost fooled even myself. I really really wasn't ok.

We went on holiday to see some friends abroad about 6 weeks after the stillbirth. I hadn't told them I was pregnant as I planned to surprise then with my bump. So I was able to do the "i m fine" thing really well. When I look back at the photos of that trip I feel sick and shudder because I look great but inside I felt like I was being suffocated by black fog.

My depression felt like a huge blank void. Some days I felt like I was drowning and other days I just sat in the same spot, rooted and unable to move.
Sometimes my husband would get home from work and I couldn't speak to him. I just couldn't get any words out as I felt like nothing.
I came home from work and sat in the car for an entire hour before I could physically get out.

Some people have a very misguided view that depression is crying all the time.
For me, it was the completely absence of anything. I didn't feel upset and i never cried. I just felt nothing. That's so much harder to tackle and recover from as you can't pin point the cause.

I was on fluoxetine on a few separate occasions (60mg for highest dose and 20mg for mild)

My husband is depressed and there is no way of recognising that. I was really shocked when he told me as I just didn't have a clue!

I can imagine how hard it is for social 'influencers' and people in the media's eye. Putting on a front (which is what I did day to day and at work) constantly and acting in a certain way.

Touch wood, I've been okay for a few years now! My anxiety peaks at time of change but manageable 😊😊

I looked absolutely fine to everyone else. My husban

Yep thats was me, when I got my dd weighed at the time the HV who was at the clinic said 'oh you have make up on so you must be ok' how wrong she was.
I had to be perfect (well what I thought was) I wasn't sleeping because I was scrubbing the house constantly, was crying constantly and felt like I wasn't even here.
It was an awful year and I was on antidepressants for 18 months and had therapy.
My actual HV was awesome though and came round every week to support me through it.

I think there is still a very strong fear that SS will “interfere” or take your baby away if you admit that you aren’t coping.

I think it varies hugely. My severe psychiatric conditions (non-psychotic) are actually very hard to hide.

If you want to know the signs of each condition then it's best to spend a bit of time on research.

I told my midwife I had feelings of self harm when pregnant and felt depressed and was not feeling attached to my unborn child. I was treated like a monster who might kill my baby. Hourly checks in the hospital. Social workers visiting daily. My family told me to lie when I was given a pnd test about how I felt because otherwise social services might take my baby. It was all so ridiculous. All I needed was some support, maybe medication. Instead I had to lie and it meant it took so much longer to bond with my baby. I had thought pnd was widely acknowledged and treatment wpuld be available, but I felt very failed by my experience. It was 14 years ago.

The thing is there isn’t one type of PND or one way it presents, like depression itself. For me, it has come with a rage and level of frustration I haven’t ever experienced before - I have barely cried, yet some mothers may be the exact opposite. So while I do think it’s helpful to talk about PND and how it can present/manifest I think anyone in the public eye trying to recover AND adjust to motherhood during a global pandemic is probably doing enough.

PND is brutal, it is the hardest thing I’ve tried to recover from. I couldn’t do some public health information and signposting if I tried!

"I looked fine, but was suffering from MH"

I'm being pedantic i know but your thread title is bugging the hell out of me. People can't "suffer from mental health."
You can have mental health issues. But everyone has mental health, so it's nonsensical to say someone suffers from mental health. Is that your wording or is it from the article?

I think you're wrong to expect them to "show what it's like" though. Why would it be helpful exactly? You can read about people's experiences if you really want to know. Ironically enough a depressed person may not be able to "show you what it's like." Because they're fucking depressed and have no energy or motivation to be thinking about such things.
And as other posters have pointed out it's common for people to hide it and mask what's going on.
Personally i wouldn't tell anyone but a few select people about such things, the ignorance around mental health issues is astounding. You're expecting people to talk about things that are incredibly personal. That's hard enough even without knowing the ignorance you'll encounter.

The first time I had pnd, I had no idea that was what it was, I just thought I was a terrible mom, my baby hated me, and I was utterly failing him. I was ashamed of my failings, exhausted, and convinced myself that anyone who saw the real situation would be disgusted with me, and maybe even send in social services. Two years on and a second child, and a second bout of depression later, I still find it incredibly difficult to talk about. Who is going to share that kind of thing on their social media? Especially if they make their money as an influencer, their image is all they have. The insidious thing about depression is how it convinces you that no one can help, you're the bad guy, its all you. And even if you can get your head around the fact that its depression, not you, then actually opening your mouth and saying the words is almost impossible. Thanks to the depression. Often with a healthy helping of anxiety thrown in. Its a vicious circle.

I get that sometimes you don't even realise you are depressed or suffering, but it would be so helpful to see what it looks like

I can't speak for others but it was never because I didn't realise I was ill or suffering. I knew I was. I just didn't want others to know. I felt like I honestly couldn't be arsed to talk about it, I couldn't be arsed with anything so I just tried to pretend everything was normal so no one would ask, even to my husband and family.

It didn't last because I eventually felt so bad I was unable to hide it but yeah, it was never because I didn't realise.

And at the time, I wasn't arsed about helping others by talking about it. I was numb, I didn't care about anyone really. I think it's only after someone starts to see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel with MH that they would even consider 'helping' others by talking about it.

But it’s true. I have anxiety, PTSD and trauma induced OCD, and as part of that when I’m not doing very well I often become fixated on presenting a ‘perfect’ front. Often the more groomed I am, the worse I’m feeling.