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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Worried about dad

5 replies

StormsDontLastForever · 19/08/2020 01:01

Feeling quite down tonight, can't seem to unwind to sleep. My father was brought up by his grandmother as his mother & father didn't want the responsibility! However both went on to have other children with different people. Grandfather again didn't bother with the children he had, however grandmother did and raised them etc.

After being brought up by his grandmother,My Father joined army etc then met my mother, married and had meSmile.

When I was around 10, my father got in touch with his mother who was then remarried, things were good, I was introduced to her, used to visit every weekend etc then suddenly all contact stopped again, I remember being young and dialling her home phone number and her hanging up on me straight away, so we stopped trying to contact her. Only family my father has now is me and my dd, my mother and father divorced when I was around 14. Recently my father was working in the area where his mother lives and decided to go and visit and inform her she has another grandchild (my dd, who is 6). His mother opened door and questioned who he was? Apparently didn't recognise him at all (which I don't believe) he informed her she has another grandchild who is 6 etc, my grandmother never asked any info about my dd and basically didn't want to know about us or my father, she kept him on doorstep and never said bye or anything. He told me about this the other day and I can't help but feel sick and so so sad for him, he says it doesn't bother him, she has never been in his life so he has nothing to lose. But I can't shake this feeling, he is my best friend and it hurts me so much that the only family he has is me and my dd, doesn't have any friends as he works all the time, he has a partner who is lovely, but I just can't help but feel sad at how lonely he must feel. Again he says he isn't and he's happy etc.

I often lie awake at nights and worry about him, I just feel so sad for him, but he doesn't seem sad about it all, but I worry that deep down he is and just doesn't want to tell me.

Does anyone have any advice please? Aibu in getting totally stressed and down at this situation? I have anxiety and depression but he's my dad & I love him & just want him to be happy.

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 19/08/2020 01:08

that is so awful.

It obviously does bother him as he knocked on her door. I don't know how she can be so cruel, he deserves better.

I think he wanted to share how proud he is of you and your children. Do you get one to one time together?

I imagine he likes to keep himself busy so as to not dwell on it. He might not appreciate focus on it.

Just be you, tell him again how much you value him.

No point in talking to her, she has no heart.
X

StormsDontLastForever · 19/08/2020 01:11

Thank you @chickenyhead

Yes I agree it must bother him as he knocked on her door, he says it doesn't and he was passing etc but I know deep down he must be bothered or wouldn't have done it.

He is so proud of me & my dd and just wants to show us off (as cliche as that sounds he's just being a proud parent).

She definitely has no heart and is a horrible person. I think it hurts him aswel that she gave him up and then went on to have 2 other children and raised them, I cannot get my head around this and never have been able to.

We do have some one on one time but most of the time he visits with his partner, however today was a day just me, my father and my dd and it was good Smile

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 19/08/2020 01:17

my mum came from similar circumstances. She was given away as a baby as she was born out of wedlock in 1936. Her mother had another daughter by the same man, but kept her.

When my mum finally connected with her in her 30s, the mother rushed her in to the house, trying not to let the neighbours see.

My mum never saw her or her sister again.

It is awful, but they somehow bury it.

StormsDontLastForever · 19/08/2020 01:20

@chickenyhead I'm sorry to hear that, it is so sad. But you're mum obviously never needed them either and I am sure she's had a happy enough life without them. I personally could never do that to my child, turn them away at the door, that must be the most heartbreaking thing ever to have done to anyone. It's just horrible to see when it's someone you love. X

OP posts:
chickenyhead · 19/08/2020 01:30

Yes, exactly.

I think he maybe is seeking reassurance that he is good enough. But she wont give it.

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