Dd and social Media

[Stressedmummyof4]

Hi all, really need some advice.

Dd is 11 and just started high school. She has to take a public service bus to and from school so has a mobile phone. We bought it for her at Christmas in prep for heading to high school.

I have huge worries as I periodically check the phone as I'm worried about who she could be in contact with, you hear so many horror stories.

Anyway I noticed that back in February she had downloaded snapchat and Instagram and created herself accounts. From looking through I could see her year group had created a primary 7 chat which pinged most of the way through lockdown, so I seen it at that time as a way of her keeping in contact.

I noticed on snapchat she has been sending everyone photos in her list, I asked what these were and she told me selfies.

I had a chat about internet safety and how what she puts out there is out there forever, I advised against photos and thought she was taking all on board. Next few times a looked there were no photos just chat.

She unfortunately is very young for her age and it's becoming more noticeable. I had a look tonight and after raving about meeting two new friends at school on Monday from reading their messages it's coming across to me like they're taking the piss out of her. They created a group and called it power puff girls she was so excited on Monday today though it looks like she's been messaging them at lunch to see where they were and they've either ignored her or deleted their messages then both left the group.

One of them was having a private convo with her and asked her if she asked a boy out my dd said yes why? The other girl has screenshot the messages and my dd has asked her why and she hasn't replied.

I'm really worried my mind is in overdrive, what should I do? How do I tell her they look like they're making a full of her without knocking her confidence. She had a miserable time in primary bullied most of the way through when I heard her saying she had met friends and looked so happy I was over the moon now I just feel sick.

I know she's too young for this social media but all the girls have it and tbh I didn't want her left behind.

Anyone any advice please not slept for worry x

I think you just have to keep and eye on her and make sure she knows you will always support her no matter what and that she can always talk to you, but I think you need to take a step back and let her find her own way a bit. It’s week one of school she will find her people, try not to put your anxiety on to her.

She's too young for Snapchat and that crap.

Gosh that is really really hard. I think if this is actually bullying then firstly you need to tell school and secondly she needs to come off the apps

If they set the group up as a joke that is bullying and her teacher needs to know. Though I can see it's very hard if she doesn't see it like that. Can you sit and gently ask her about it and see how it develops

She isn't old enough for snapchat, IG, etc.
You could get a non-smartphone so she can let you know about getting home safely.

How horrible,I agree with the others that you should involve the school. It’s hard as she wants to join in with the others but I would be inclined to get a basic phone for her until she is older and more able to recognise this as bullying.

Theres a really good book called "Buulies, Bigmouths and so-called friends" by J. Alexander that both my children found very useful at this age.

Sorry, Bullies, of course. Not sure what buulies are.

All the 11 yr olds around here have snapchat, IG and TikTok. It’s quite socially isolating if you’re the one without. She should be asking you about getting these apps though and only having private accounts.

Anyway I noticed that back in February she had downloaded snapchat and Instagram and created herself accounts.

When you say 'you noticed', did you have any rules in place against this?

Having had another ponder.

One approach could be to say you need to do it with her, to learn together how to manage it all.

Can't help with the snapchat but could you get Instagram and follow her? At least you would be able to see what she posts and the comments she gets back.

I’ve done this with all my daughter’s SM. I have a fake name, which she knows about.

Thank you everyone for replying.

When I say I noticed on February, she told me she had done it and that she was following me, I post nothing though .

I have followed her back and she very rarely posts on IG and if she does it's like my brothers dog.

Her class mates had told her about the group chats they had set up for the primary 7's so I helped with the settings for IG but I knew absolutely nothing about snapchat. I asked my cousin if she would come over and help us and she set it so there was no location or anything showing.

I think the issue here is she's meeting so many new people all with these accounts and they've went adding people left right and centre.

I spoke with her this morning gently and said I was really worried about her standing at the school yesterday morning waiting on girls who had no intention of showing. I showed her that they had left the group, which she hadn't realised. Anyway we made the decision together that we need alto accept this as a learning curve she has deleted the group chat, and deleted the individual chats with the girls concerned. I said we need to accept that maybe they just didn't gel together and not to get downhearted but try again with some new girls as making friends but to avoid these group chats.

I've also had the chat about how what you post is there forever and she can't control what other people do with screenshots so to always be careful with what your sending.

I've tried not to come across as dictating because I want her to remain open with me and not start hiding things.

I might be playing this wrong, high school was certainly a lot easier when social media wasn't around and yes I agree with the posters saying she shouldn't have it but looking at all the girls she knows she would genuinely be the only one without.

Thank you all again