Do you ever feel a bit jealous that DP once liked/courted/loved other women?

[Sssssssssss]

Mostly lightheared.

But boyfriend and I have been together a year and 4 months. We are both 25.

He dated a lot before we met and before me his longest relationship was with a girl from 17-20ish.

He told me before he met me he was very close to getting with a girl who he liked on and off for a couple of years.
This girl just so happened to be with someone who was an old work colleague. I know this because i'm friends with him in facebook.

She chose my old work colleague over my boyfriend (I am very thankful for her for this because this was literally 2 months before I met my boyfriend). She became pregnant shortly into the relationship.

But old work colleague has just posted about being a single dad. I'm having a boring night and was being nosey and looked on her profile and posted about being single and someone commented about how she's better off without lying, cheating partners.

But I got a pang of "Wow, Boyfriend once got close to this girl and what would have happened if they ended up together."
It was a weird feeling.
I feel no jealousy or insecurity, it just hit me that yes boyfriebd and a life before me.

So did I though - I had just come out of a 4 year relationship before I met my boyfriend

Random thought but just a bit of lightheartedness

Nah! Move on! He chose you. I speak to the first guy I slept with quite frequently on fb and we've always been in contact despite me marrying dh when I was 24. I'm 56 now so it was a while ago!! :)

No not at all. But I came to this relationship with a failed marriage and 2 children. I could hardly turn around and resent him for having a relationship history too.

Nope, don’t look backwards

Not jealousy, no. We've all got a past.

I found it a little strange when I first started dating my now DH, thinking about him having children with another woman. It seemed like such a huge step, one I'd not experienced so there was a bit of 'wow okay, he's been through this huge thing with someone else, I wonder if our relationship will ever be that intense' at first but that soon went as our relationship progressed and I realised it didn't mean they had had anything more real or deep than he and I.

Now we are married with DC of our own so I never think about it. Really it could have just as easily been me if I'd made even slightly different choices before I met him.

No, that's silly. Every prior relationship failed- what is there to be jealous of?

No, it doesn’t bother me. Both my partner and I have been previously married so we both have a history.

No I don't resent him, it was more of a random philosophical thought about how different life would have been if she had chosen him

What matters is NOW. The past is the past. As you get older you don’t worry about these things when you meet a new partner because we all have a romantic past of some sort.

No because he was 18 when we first starting dating and frankly I met his Ex and she’s friends with my Ex and both are only a few sandwiches short of a picnic combined. Although it was funny watching them work together to try and separate us in those one 2 years

No because he wouldn’t be the person he is now if it wasn’t for his previous relationships. Come on, you wouldnt really want a date someone who had never had a girlfriend before, they’d be completely clueless!

No move on. He had the chance, he didn’t take it, he chose you. Are you worried that now she is single again he will have thoughts about her again?

Off topic, but so many used the same phrase.
How can you know somene chose you and not just stayed because it was convenient?

No, unless someone ends up with the first person they ever loved or dated, then they will have other people in their past. I have several relationships in my past with men I loved deeply at the time. Those relationships are over and the men mean nothing to me now. Why should it be any different for my partner?

No this is my second marriage why should I be jealous we’re both happy.

No, never.

I dont feel jealous but do wonder wtf he was thinking when he got with his ex.

@wasgoingmadinthecountry

...”I speak to the first guy I slept with quite frequently on “fb ...

This can be interpreted in a few ways but I guess that’s just my dirty mind.

@WellThisWentWell

"Off topic, but so many used the same phrase.
How can you know somene chose you and not just stayed because it was convenient?"

You can tell by the way they treat you every day. My DP has never left me in any doubt.

No because he didn’t.

No because I was his first proper girlfriend, kiss etc. I don’t think I would be too jealous if he had been with people before me, but we were both each other’s firsts which I like

No, my DH's ex is a bit of a strange one, he deleted and blocked her on everything when they split up, which was about a year before we got together. However she still makes a new Facebook account every birthday and Christmas with which to send him Happy Birthday/Merry Christmas and usually she apologises for when we first got together and she told everyone I looked like a horse, and since we look quite happy and have been together so long, perhaps he was right to marry me after all.

Nah, it's in the past, isn't it?
The way I see it DH didn't know me before he met me, of course he was going to have a life before me and same here!
Jealousy is utterly pointless.

I get pangs of jealousy yes but I know I'm being irrational and it's my own insecurity. I don't ever say anything though as I know it's in my head and my problem.

Yes I get it @Sssssssssss I hate the thought of it and we've been together 20 years!

I used to occasionally when dh and I were first together. We had both had serious relationships and lived with other people before we met. However my previous relationship had ended amicably whereas his had ended when his ex had left him for one of his friends. I used to be very insecure and think, if she hadn't done that they would still be together.

I've got over it now though - we've been married 26 years.