Does anyone else experience this? (New diagnosis)

[ChaoticGouda]

After a lot of deliberation and sleep lost to late-night researching, I made the decision to book a skype appointment with a psychiatrist specialising in adult ADHD. (Yes, it was pricy. Yes, I'd been to the GP about it beforehand. They told me it was probably just anxiety and I couldn't be referred.)

I've always felt different from other people (although I'm sure everyone does ) and that I can't seem to function at the same maturity level. I'm 22, and even though I'm in full time work I'm single and still living with my mum. I struggled with my work load from p5 onwards, and even though my teachers said I was capable and clever enough I struggled to do my homework, remember forms, or focus in class.

This all eventually culminated in me being kicked out of my Social Sciences course in college, lying to my family out of shame for the rest of the year, and wandering Glasgow alone using the dwindling funds I had left. It was the most shameful period of my life.

During this time my self esteem was critically low and I ended up having to go to CBT to help me cope. I participated during sessions but found the worksheets overwhelming and didn't complete all of them. I also lied to my therapist about doing well in college because she was very encouraging and happy I had an interest in psychology, too. I know this was wrong of me and it was only hurting my recovery.

So. The appointment. At the end the psychiatrist concluded that I likely had inattentive-ADHD, and I'd just need some physical tests to rule out any hormone issues, blah blah. For the first few days I felt elated, then guilty, then doubtful, and now... Disbelieving.

I've been over-analysing my behaviour in the two weeks since. Catching myself when I forget things or space out, and then fretting that because I'm aware of it now I must be doing it on purpose? I'm fretting over the idea that I manipulated the psychiatrist, that I've been playing up my symptoms as an excuse, that I'm just lazy and an overthinker and would rather label myself than get better.

So, tldr; Have you ever gotten a mental health diagnosis and then worried that you were faking it? Or you've been misdiagnosed? How did you handle it? It's driving me nuts!

(Sorry if this is a mess, I just really need to vent I think )

It's extremely common to have doubt about such diagnoses, especially when you only get them as an adult.
Reading about your wandering the streets of Glasgow, pretending you were still at college- my heart goes out to you.

Well, I don’t think my expectations will be any use to you, but I once went to the gp to get signed off work. I was diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and depression, referred for cat and prescribed antidepressants. None of which helped. What did help was hiring a lawyer and going after the two nasty bitches who had been bullying me, and getting a huge payment out of court for constructive dismissal.

experience

ADHD isn't a mental health condition it is a neurological difference.

FWIW I'm 44 and am convinced I have it, I'm not diagnosed.

I think you will make sense of your life now and hopefully you will stop being so anxious and depressed.

flowers

Sorry should be

You sound like you have ADHD to me.

A lot of my pupils who have it have difficulty focusing. A misconception is that they talk and disrupt. Often this isn’t the face, they can’t organise themselves, they can’t process Multiple pieces of information at the same time. So for example, I know my pupils with ADHD would generall struggle if I put a power point up with 10 questions and said ‘read these questions, copy them out and answer’ the combination of those three take can cause a complete mental shut down and they’d basically do nothing.

So I print their work out, three questions at a time. Large fonts, no pictures, clear instructions. Outcome is the same, delivery is tailored to them.

I suspect a lot of people have the same experience and are undiagnosed, it’s actually more common than you’d think. Methylphenidate has really helped my child at school so worth considering. Sadly it’s harder getting specialist therapy for it.

@ravensoaponarope Thank you so much for replying I'd heard similar in the past but didn't expect it to hit so hard, I guess. It's changed a lot about how I view myself and how my family sees me. Hoping once the tests are done and I speak to the specialist again I can start to accept it.

It was a pretty low point but I'm eternally grateful for how loving and supportive my family were after I told them the truth. I do want to go back to college or uni in the near future and do them proud, which is part of what pushed me to seek help So here's hoping!

@GreenGordon

I'm glad you were able to get justice, and that it helped you to heal. I'm still glad to hear about your experiences, and I'm glad you wanted to share them with me I hope your work life is healthier and happier now, and that you're doing well.

My OH is also diagnosed and half the time doesn’t believe it. But it’s obvious to me. Some of it is invisible, part of the thought process, so others may not see it to the full extent. Just be careful about telling others, particularly older people. The in-laws don’t believe it exists, nor that they have it if it did. It’s naughty boy syndrome in their minds.

Apologies for poor spelling etc, breastfeeding a tired one year old and typing with one hand.

OP, I have training in SEN and have attending Several courses on ADHD. If I can help you at all, please message me. Happy to offer any hints or strategies you could utilise.

I have RA and everything you are describing about wondering if you conned the therapist etc is exactly how I felt with my diagnosis although this a different diagnosis, I think in most illnesses, we can’t actually see what others are seeing with us and it’s the stuff that you can’t fake that would have made up part of your diagnosis

Not ADHD, but I was diagnosed as being autistic in my early 30s. I felt very like you (have I exaggerated it, is it just all in my head etc) but since it has come to explain a lot of things and I don't feel so 'weird' any more. I'm a lot better now at asking for clarification rather than sitting quietly feeling confused, because I feel more justified iyswim. I hope you get to that point too because it can be quite liberating.

My big brother was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, and I was diagnosed with dyspraxia as an adult.

My brother's diagnosis has helped him loads. He now understands his difficulties and knows why he finds X thing difficult. Medication also helped him initially. The family also understand him better so it's been positive all round.

Same with me and my dyspraxia diagnosis. One of 3 conditions I've had since birth including Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and Epidermolysis Bullosa Simplex which was diagnosed in adulthood at 21, 25 and 26 respectively.

I felt awful after each diagnosis. Similar feelings to you 'maybe I've over egged this and the specialist is wrong'. I think it's common with something you've always had or have had a long time - we naturally minimisalise over time. I was the same with the EBS diagnosis even though that was diagnosed via a DNA test.

Your feelings are perfectly normal. Give yourself some time to process your diagnosis and be kind to yourself is my advice

OP,

I probably have inattentive ADHD. My career has been a bit up and down, but before I had kids I was actually doing quite well. I'm a slow starter and low on confidence, but once I know what I'm doing, I end up being one of the more reliable and easier to deal with team members at work. Please do not think this diagnosis is the end for you. It's not. Now you know what you have, you can get some strategies in place.

I could never concentrate in class - listening was a massive problem and still is. I still keep thinking about other things and lose focus. Someone will be talking to me and I'll be thinking about something someone said yesterday !

I have an assessment in September with my psych. I know what you mean though, I think it’s fairly common. Not exactly the same, but I feel like this with my bipolar. Take meds...oh I feel much better now! They must have been exaggerating or it’s all in my head. I must have tricked them somehow. I need to keep reminding myself it’s actually the medication that’s making me feel better!

Have you ever gotten a mental health diagnosis and then worried that you were faking it?

Not ADHD, but I sometimes worry that my PND is just me being a bad lazy mother. I worry that I don't feel "depressed enough" to qualify as having PND, and maybe I'm just a shit mum who cba with her baby.

@Frazzled13

Have you ever gotten a mental health diagnosis and then worried that you were faking it?

Not ADHD, but I sometimes worry that my PND is just me being a bad lazy mother. I worry that I don't feel "depressed enough" to qualify as having PND, and maybe I'm just a shit mum who cba with her baby.

I feel exactly this way too - both about PND and about mental health diagnoses (of which I have quite the collection) in general. I just think that I'm making a bit of a fuss. It's only when my psychiatrist talks about hospitalisation that I realise that maybe my perception is skewed.