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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think that my husband has no idea what A Levels his children took!

22 replies

Husbanddoesnothaveaclue · 18/08/2020 19:15

Have name changed. I have been coming to the conclusion for a while that my husband is not a great husband or father but this has really taken the biscuit today! He shows little interest in his family really and it became clear at dinner today that he has no idea what A Levels our son has just taken or that our daughter took a couple of years ago. He suggested that one of our severely dyslexic son’s A Levels was English - he took all sciences! Surely this is basic stuff that any half decent father would know!

OP posts:
clairefrasier · 18/08/2020 19:36

He suggested that one of our severely dyslexic son’s A Levels was English - he took all sciences!

OMG ! YANBU.

Areyouquitesure · 18/08/2020 19:43

I can't remember what my own daughter did 5 years ago

Or the grades she got

Ickabog · 18/08/2020 19:44

My father didn't take any interest in my education. I'm now NC with him. Not just because he didn't care about my education, but it was an indication of how much he actually cared about me, my life and my interests You're right, any decent dad would care about this.

sunlight81 · 18/08/2020 19:48

Not Remembering what they did a few years ago is allowed ... as long as they know what they are doing now (bloke brains are small and they have to release stuff to take in new info Wink)

However given all the drama about alevels this year, not knowing what subjects ur child has studied for the last 2years is pretty bad - YNBU

baterwaiter · 18/08/2020 19:49

Some men have very little interest in family life and it often takes some time to work this out. Yours does seem like one of them.

Original poster
Husbanddoesnothaveaclue · 18/08/2020 20:26

He refuses to accept that this is rubbish and evidence that he is pretty crap! It had been such a stressful time and I am trying to do it all by myself. I didn’t go to university and I am at a loss as to what my son should do for the best. I feel as if I carry the whole weight on my shoulders. After narrowly missing both his firm and insurance my son is going to Swansea. I don’t know if this is a good idea or if he will just be saddling himself with years of debt!

OP posts:
RiteAid · 18/08/2020 20:28

That’s pretty shitty - a basic level of interest would mean he knew that, surely?

Original poster
Husbanddoesnothaveaclue · 18/08/2020 20:32

Any time I bring up that he shows no interest in anyone he insists that this isn’t the case and complains that we just don’t tell him anything. I think that the children have pretty much sharing things with him due to his disinterest and the fact that he doesn’t listen.

OP posts:
Original poster
Husbanddoesnothaveaclue · 18/08/2020 20:33

Stopped sharing

OP posts:
MuppetBabi · 18/08/2020 20:43

Swansea is a good uni OP. Don't think it's Russell group but a good uni and great for student experience. What's he going to do?

twoofusburningmatches · 18/08/2020 20:45

I don’t think my father would have been able to say which subjects I studied and it definitely took him a while to remember which university I went to. I doubt he knows what my degree or masters subjects were, although he was at both graduations and very happy to be there.

My father is very interested in us as people and in us doing well in life. He is an amazing single parent who brought up his children on his own after our mother died, filled our childhoods with fun (even when he was living through so much sadness himself) and loved and loves us very dearly. To him I think the subjects were just a small detail in the big picture of us doing well and living our lives.

I have no idea what your husband is like obviously, but I don’t think it’s necessarily the marker of an uncaring father from my experience

Ickabog · 18/08/2020 20:45

I think that the children have pretty much stopped sharing things with him due to his disinterest and the fact that he doesn’t listen.

Your children have worked out that he doesn't care about their achievements and interests, so why bother mentioning them. I'm trying not to project my own situation here, but as a child who went through this it sounds so familiar. But I wonder if like my father he's happy to brag about their achievements, such as oh yes my son's off to Uni despite not actually knowing the details?

Original poster
Husbanddoesnothaveaclue · 18/08/2020 20:55

@MuppetBabi he is going to study Computer Science. I have to admit that they have been fabulous through clearing - we were completely clueless. Everyone we have had contact with have made my son feel as if he really matters - I cannot fault them in that respect.
@Ickabog that he is exactly what he is like. Only shows interest if it is something he can boast about to his work colleagues.

OP posts:
katy1213 · 18/08/2020 20:58

My dad wouldn't have had a clue. To be fair to him, he stumped up the full parental contribution through university - which is more than some of the 'interested ' fathers did.

Ickabog · 18/08/2020 21:01

that he is exactly what he is like. Only shows interest if it is something he can boast about to his work colleagues.

It's depressing familiar. Please know that your children will realise how much you do for them, even though it feels like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. As I said i'm non-contact with my father now, but I remember feeling like a prop to his life, rather than being a part of it.

Dino90 · 18/08/2020 21:10

I think that’s appalling Shock

MuppetBabi · 18/08/2020 21:25

Good on him OP. I wish him luck Smile

MintyMabel · 18/08/2020 22:19

My dad had no idea which subjects I took. I’m not actually convinced my mum could have told you either. I never saw it as a problem, we’re a close family and there’s no major issues.

TDMN · 18/08/2020 22:45

Another person here whose dad couldnt name any of their a-levels (and would probably tell you the wrong degree too) but was 'so proud' and would boast to everyone at work that his kid was off to uni. When i was younger i didnt realise it, dad said he was proud and that was it, he was a good dad right? Now im older i realise that i let him get away with putting in the smallest amount of effort. We're low contact.

Japanesejazz · 18/08/2020 23:03

A woman knows everything about her children
A man is vaguely aware of some small people who live in the house
I was given that advice in 1993 when I was pregnant with my first child, it appears men have not evolved yet then?

Serendipper · 18/08/2020 23:15

I had an amazing time in Swansea, the computer science degree is well regarded and the uni experience is excellent.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 19/08/2020 23:42

A lot of my older friends who never finished education or worked at all , don't know what their DC or their DGC are studying, whether they are at university or college or where they work, because they have no idea what to ask. Not everyone has an inbuilt curiosity about things that are out of their comfort zone. Not necessarily uncaring, just a bit over their heads.
Imagine explaining your job to a housewife from 1890 is the best way to describe it Grin.

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