AIBU for getting fed up with SS comments

[Survivethestorm]

I raised my concerns about my non verbal dd returning from contact with her dad, who in the past has been abusive towards both of us, with bruising on her forearm. SS keep making comments like she is a toddler she will bruise, yes she will but these were very clear hand marks. So what am I just meant to ignore all bruising? They are doing a section 17 and after seeing a specialist doctor they suspect she may have autism.. so there are a lot of factors going on but still I'm getting increasingly frustrated with these comments. Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way?

Yanbu at all

If I were you next time (if there is a next time) call the police not SS first if they are being difficult

@dwiz8, I think I will be if it does happen again. I think exp is trying to restrain dd and that's how the bruises are occuring.

Just so frustrated as if I was with him they'd be the first to say leave, they even said I done the best thing in leaving which great but then they're saying he should get to see her unsupervised. They've not said that, but pretty much telling me to ignore my instincts.

[quote Survivethestorm]@dwiz8, I think I will be if it does happen again. I think exp is trying to restrain dd and that's how the bruises are occuring.

Just so frustrated as if I was with him they'd be the first to say leave, they even said I done the best thing in leaving which great but then they're saying he should get to see her unsupervised. They've not said that, but pretty much telling me to ignore my instincts.[/quote]
Have you asked him about the marks?

Might be good to get a written trail just in case

Send him image of the marks and ask on messenger or email what happened and see what he replies with.

Try to get as much communication from him in writing going forwards

OP this is your 3rd thread about this same topic in the last week, perhaps you might get better responses if you kept to one thread and updated it rather than starting new ones every few days so people can have all of the background information?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3993060-Was-Aibu-dd-and-her-dad?watched=1&msgid=99074226#99074226

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3994682-Section-17-didnt-know-where-else-to-put-this-sorry

[quote melj1213]OP this is your 3rd thread about this same topic in the last week, perhaps you might get better responses if you kept to one thread and updated it rather than starting new ones every few days so people can have all of the background information?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3993060-Was-Aibu-dd-and-her-dad?watched=1&msgid=99074226#99074226

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3994682-Section-17-didnt-know-where-else-to-put-this-sorry[/quote]
Oh my goodness! OP based on this please contact the police if SS aren't being helpful

Good point @melj1213 I'll stick with this thread now.

@dwiz8, i definitely will have to if it ever happens again. But from what I understand theyll just contact SS again.

So dd hasn't seen her dad in over a week and no bruises, not even one, despite her falling over quite a bit.

I did however receive a letter from his solicitor stating my behaviour is escalating, now I'm worried with him still trying to paint me as being an obstructive mum. Anyone else had the same? Is it typical for abusive ex's to try any and every way to make it seem like we are the crazy ones as opposed to the victims

I would take her to the doctor to get the bruises checked out next time. If they are taking patients face to face. Or health visitor. Failing that the police. They have a child protection unit and specialist officers who deal with this alot so should be able to differentiate an intentional to and accidental mark. They have a pattern and appear in places on the body you wouldn't normally get them with just childhood clumsiness xx

In answer to your question above, yes, it's very normal for abusers to try to paint themselves as the victim. They often use very emotional and emotive language, and may use your practical response and protective emotional shut-down against at you. Many victims of abuse become quite withdrawn and unemotional as a coping mechanism.

Keeping a log, seeing a GP/health visitor, and getting the police involved if you need to sounds like good proactive steps in the right direction.

@WingingItSince1973, I have made them all aware. Health visitor, the police, children's services, gp. If she sees her dad again and comes back with bruises I will flat out refuse to send her till we are back in court but I currently have my solicitor saying to send dd.

And @JaggySplinter, figures, exp is saying he is concerned for dd yet left it over ten days to ask about her hospital admission. This was for the bruising that happened while in his care. But yes, concerned and distressed completely trying to make out that I'm so evil person

On another note would anyone here consider manhandling a child abusive? I do consider it to be abusive, but I've spoken to a few who see it as not deliberate so it can't be abuse

Speak to your child’s social worker about this, they will be more experienced than randoms on Mumsnet

Man handling a DC is abusive. Why aren't SS taking this seriously? They've been involved previously after your over night stay in hospital, they seem convinced you are lying.
Did you ever need the police before DD was born for him.