Return to school - playdates, parties, halloween

[3morethanme]

I have very mixed feelings about the kids going back to school, i want whats best for them but it's a big school in a very small building, and so busy at drop off and collection it clogs up the area for several streets with people and cars - pretty unsure how its going to work.

But my main worry is that people will think everything is 'back to normal', i think its fine if people want decide for themselves what they are comfortable with. But my experience of primary school for my 3 kids so far has been endless requests for playdates, parties etc. I just don't want to do them this term, i want to focus on settling the kids, and wait to see how the autumn and winter goes.

AIBU to say to my kids and other parents no, i dont want to do playdates, birthdays (even small), trick or treating this side of xmas?

I'm already getting messages and people dropping by unannounced (I really don't like that!) for playdates and it makes me so uncomfortable. No judgement of others, I'd just prefer to hold off and prioritise seeing my wider family.

YANBU, unless you are in Scotland then SD still applies so 2m or 1m+ with PPE measures etc so we are doing the same and following the rules/guidelines to keep ourselves and others safe. Many many aren’t though and so case numbers etc will go back up.

The problem is your children being left out. Of course you're entitled to do what you want but I wouldn't want to damage the relationship my child has with their peers.

I dont you YABU. Its everyone's choice about what they are comfortable with. However, it may prove difficult to explain to your children why they arent allowed go to their friends birthday party etc. Also, they are socialising and wont be SD in school, so they wont see the difference between sitting beside their friend in school and sitting beside them at a party. You may just have to be prepared for the tears etc.

If they are in their own bubble in school it surely renders those safely measures redundant if people are going to have unrestricted parties and playdates in the community.

Why would it be unreasonable, you can do what you like?

For my children, I'm fine with mixing within their 'bubble' either in or out of school. Halloween I'll think about when we get there (that's a long way off). I'm just going to take each invitation/ situation as it comes, not blank ban things.

Blanket*

But bubbles are redundant anyway. You have brothers and sisters in different bubbles. Not to mention after school club and out of school activities with people from different bubbles.

I don’t see the difference between them playing together at school and playing together at someone’s house/ garden so we’re going ahead with it all.

If they are in their own bubble in school

School bubbles aren't really a magic solution. They're a nice cosy sound bite for the government. A bubble makes everything feel safe and lovely.

It's not going to be the reality. The reality is that many schools can't really keep bubbles isolated from one another.

I'm at an infant school. We will have class groups of 30 but year group bubble of 90. Some staff m, such as myself, will work across every class each week so reality is the bubble is then extended to 270 plus all the staff.

Many children have siblings either in their school or another, so the bubble is again made bigger.

Older children will be in public transport - another widening of the bubble.

And so on.

The bubbles are nonsense really.

The reality will be once back at school many people will drop SDing amongst children. If they are spending all day together with no SD then parents will see no reason as to why those children can't then play together outside of school. Which then means siblings will mix and households will mix.

Things like soft play are now open. Anyone who's ever been to soft okay will know that SDing will be impossible.

As the weather changes into Autumn and Winter then the socialising will move indoors more too.

I really believe that after a couple of weeks back at school people will be dropping their precautions increasingly. They probably won't even realise it initially but it will gradually creep in.

So we will either have outbreaks and closures, or we won't and people will continue as they were. Only time will tell.

@Aragog

I think people realise bubbles are pointless but are happy for their kids to return to normal life which includes an education.

@Aragog

If they are in their own bubble in school

School bubbles aren't really a magic solution. They're a nice cosy sound bite for the government. A bubble makes everything feel safe and lovely.

It's not going to be the reality. The reality is that many schools can't really keep bubbles isolated from one another.

I'm at an infant school. We will have class groups of 30 but year group bubble of 90. Some staff m, such as myself, will work across every class each week so reality is the bubble is then extended to 270 plus all the staff.

Many children have siblings either in their school or another, so the bubble is again made bigger.

Older children will be in public transport - another widening of the bubble.

And so on.

The bubbles are nonsense really.

The reality will be once back at school many people will drop SDing amongst children. If they are spending all day together with no SD then parents will see no reason as to why those children can't then play together outside of school. Which then means siblings will mix and households will mix.

Things like soft play are now open. Anyone who's ever been to soft okay will know that SDing will be impossible.

As the weather changes into Autumn and Winter then the socialising will move indoors more too.

I really believe that after a couple of weeks back at school people will be dropping their precautions increasingly. They probably won't even realise it initially but it will gradually creep in.

So we will either have outbreaks and closures, or we won't and people will continue as they were. Only time will tell.

Oh I agree, absolutely. People are already failing to social distance or follow guidelines and once school restarts will probably behave even more as if there isn't a pandemic going on.

@newphoneswhodis

But bubbles are redundant anyway. You have brothers and sisters in different bubbles. Not to mention after school club and out of school activities with people from different bubbles.

Yup which is why the whole 'school is safe' is a load of bunkum.

Playdates will be limited. Parties will be a no go and we're already making plans to have a different Halloween and christmas.

@monkeytennis97 absolutely.

Tbh I want to avoid all this both because of Covid but also because we have really loved the family time during lockdown and I want to stay off the party/play date/activity hamster wheel for as long as possible!

We are in Scotland and the kids have played freely with the kids of about 6 other families since the SD for under 11s was removed, I really don’t want to destroy their social lives... but (for all of our sakes - I see how much happier and healthier they are like this) I also don’t want to return to what we had pre Covid.

@Breckenridged

Tbh I want to avoid all this both because of Covid but also because we have really loved the family time during lockdown and I want to stay off the party/play date/activity hamster wheel for as long as possible!

We are in Scotland and the kids have played freely with the kids of about 6 other families since the SD for under 11s was removed, I really don’t want to destroy their social lives... but (for all of our sakes - I see how much happier and healthier they are like this) I also don’t want to return to what we had pre Covid.

yes this is a part of it too, i can see how madly over busy the kids were, i'd like to reduce it a bit permanently and not get caught up in saying yes too much.

The word you are looking for is 'No.'

You can say no to all those things. Even the person dropping in unannounced can be told that no, you aren't having people from outside your household indoors yet.

We’re reducing interactions and keeping play dates to one or two friends from their class bubbles with most play outside - scooter play dates etc. It’s about minimising risk and following your instincts. If it feels unsafe then don’t do it.

I think it's important to give our kids some degree of normality. Ours are having play dates with a handful of friends (from their school bubble), but wouldn't go to a large party. We are socialising outdoors as much as possible. Halloween is still a way off but I can't see older people welcoming the neighbourhood kids in a way they have in past years.

OverTheRainbow88

I agree. They are and school and education is an important part of getting back to normal.

The point I was making was that once back at school I think normal life will gradually return, as people will be very aware that bubbles are pretty much nonsense really. And if the children can socialise with close contact at school then its unlikely they won't do so out side of school.

Bubbles are nonsense. I’m a teacher so my bubble is 30 kids. Each of my children is in their own 30 kid bubbles too so that’s exposure to 90 odd other families. Then some of my kids friends have parents who are secondary teachers who will each be mixing with 200 odd kids per day in their ‘bubbles’. We are still being cautious and won’t be doing trick or treating, indoor parties etc this term but it does seem increasingly pointless considering the extent of mixing that will be happening from September anyway in schools.

I think the problem is that many people appear to have completely given up on social distancing and those of us who are trying to act like conscientious members of society and stick to the rules are the ones who miss out.

Personally I am furious with some of the other families who my dc will be in bubbles with at school who are clearly not sticking to the rules. Its all very well to say that people can make their own choices, but the reality is that not sticking to social distancing endangers not just your own family but others around you and is pretty antisocial.

In answer to the op - my dc won't be doing playmates or indoor parties. I work as a nurse with vulnerable children and I believe that everyone has a moral responsibility to keep to social distancing rules. I will be letting my dc play outdoors with other dc from their bubbles.

us who are trying to act like conscientious members of society and stick to the rules are the ones who miss out.

Yes my elderly Aunty said to me yesterday she’s started going around to friends houses with lots of other people as they all were as she was the only one who wasn’t and was worried they would start excluding her and not invite her to their card games etc so she’s also now breaking the rules as fears she’ll be lonely and left out.

I feel the same worry, DD is 5 years old and is already asking why she can't go to ballet, swimming, trampoline park, foreign holidays on a plane, eating out when many of her friends are.

We are only doing outdoor play dates in the park with friends from her class bubble, we don't do indoor activities, or meet family at home etc.

But then I worry we have we got it wrong, because if one of her friends catch Covid then spread the infection round school, she'll get it anyway. I feel I'm holding her back and she will be excluded, it was easier to explain in the earlier part of lockdown when everyone was the same.

I think the problem is that many people appear to have completely given up on social distancing and those of us who are trying to act like conscientious members of society and stick to the rules are the ones who miss out

You don’t have to look at it as missing out though. Children old enough to socialise with friends are old enough to understand rules need following. Mine know others aren’t following the guidance/rules but ‘ow we are.

This is something you can really risk assess for as actions impact on others, particularly if children are in school or adults are in a workplace as others may be vulnerable or have family members that are.