Ex not paying for half of school uniform - wwyd?

[Meeko505]

So, we split time with the kids 3-4, with them with me four days a week. He pays no maintenance. His income is substantially bigger than mine, as is his capital. He's also just generally a douche.

He really disagrees with school uniform on a principle and last year when my 5yo started reception I had to push to get him to send him to school in uniform. I bought all his uniform, and asked him to pay for half, but he refused. I supplied him with uniform throughout the year.

This year, my 3yo is starting nursery (with uniform), so I've bought two lots for two kids now. I was going to the same thing I did last year and supply it, but I'm considering no longer doing that.

What spurred this on was, my son went to his Dad's wearing uniform and they were going blackberry picking, so I asked him to look after the trousers (new ones) and said I'd expect him to replace them if they got ripped. He said he wouldn't.

And it got me thinking about whether I want the responsibility of being the only uniform buyer from now until the kids are 18. Partially practically - my income isn't huge - and partially on a point of principle. I feel like by supplying him with uniform I'm just giving him an easy ride.

I also know the school are aware of the issues with his Dad and uniform (he's constantly writing letters to them about it) and have said if he sends the kids in non-uniform the issue will not be with them, it'll be with him.

I'm considering this year leaving a spare bag of clothes at school and just saying to ex to buy uniform himself. Most weeks he will at least get some uniform back when he picks the kids up, so he could send them in that, though it might be dirty. What he could end up doing is picking them up on Fridays in uniform, washing it, sending them back to me in Tuesday's uniform that's dirty, and then sending them back to school in Friday's clean uniform. So he could probably still get away with not buying any, and maybe he'll do that.

One thing is that this year the kids first day at school is his morning to drop them off, so could result in 5yo starting first day of year 1 with no uniform.

What do you think I should do?

I remember your previous thread, didn't you report your concerns to social services?

@Meeko505

Solo: I agreed not to - although never said I never would - during divorce proceedings because the situation was awful and I just wanted the divorce done so I could get out there asap.

I haven't started claiming because I know he'd be awful about it, and fear he'd use it as incentive to push for 50-50 care. I realise another poster has said he would still have to pay maintenance.

For reference his income is about 4-5x mine.

Then I'd just go straight to the cms and make a claim. Regardless of divorce agreement ; legally you cannot agree to something that removed your legal Rights.

I would claim CMS and just state it's because he refuses to contribute towards shared regular costs for the DC such as uniform and activities.

I made the mistake of never applying for maintenance for our child ( who is niw in his 20s) and regretted it. The amount of money my ex gave me was £100 a month, which barely covered anything at all. Over the years, the interest in my son wained and my son also saw him very differently as he got older, he saw him as very tight for one thing. They haven’t spoken now for years. I would really go for maintenance Op, otherwise, believe me, it will get harder.

@RandomMess

I remember your previous thread, didn't you report your concerns to social services?

I've not phoned SS again yet. I'm on hold to CAB at the moment (for the last hour). Did bring it up with local Domestic Abuse Services who said it's very tricky but also suggested I log it with SS. I might do that this afternoon too.

(working a lot atm due to lockdown so today is the first day in a while i've had for admin like this).

Claim maintenance from him. If he wants to go to 50:50 then he can take you to court. If you have documented the abuse etc it will help you. You could also ask for things to be written into the court order relating to who pays for uniform and extra curricular activities etc.

My partners pays hundreds in maintenance and she still asked him to cover the costs of new uniforms and he transfered her more money. You need to go to CMS OP.

As a veteran of the school wars, just buy loads and loads, as cheap as you can, second-hand if poss. Drop any notions of fairness, as you'll drive yourself insane. You can try yourself mad over something that costs 10-20 quid when you cost it out.