To want to celebrate my engagement

[Hellokitty82]

To cut a very long story short I'm 99% sure dp is about to pop the question!!! Some little clues and hints

However my brother and wife are divorcing

Is it insensitive to want to celebrate my engagement??

He's devastated they're early 40's and been together 22 years since university

Are you jumping the gun a little?

Why not wait and see?

YABU to want to celebrate an engagement that hasn't happened yet.

It's not insensitive to want to celebrate something lovely.

Your brothers devastation can't stop you celebrating your own relationship, just give him and hug and tell him you love him and you're sorry. Maybe don't hold the engagement party on his anniversary, though.

Think about it once you are engaged, it's too early to plan something that's not happened and may not happen.

Have you and your man spoken about marriage?

Maybe your boyfriend will think twice about the proposal in the current situation. Seems a bit insensitive to pop the question amid the announcement of a close relative announcing their divorce
You would not be unreasonable to want to celebrate should you actually get engaged but you would be unreasonable to assume your brother will be up for any kind of celebration

I find it so bizarre that in 2020 it's the norm for women to still wait for "their man to pop the question".

misses the entire point of the OP

@Popc0rn

I find it so bizarre that in 2020 it's the norm for women to still wait for "their man to pop the question".

misses the entire point of the OP

Indeed. Even more so when they ask another man for permission and/or if the couple already has children. But both are a common feature round these boards.

It is fine to want to celebrate when it happens. Your brother’s sadness about his divorce probably won’t prevent him from being happy for you.

We've spoken about it a lot have been together just over 10 years have 2 kids

I have a 99% idea he's going to ask as I caught him drawing round one of my rings I wear on my other ring finger and he asked our little girl to help him and she was sheepish 😂

And we go away next week he's booked us a luxury lodge with hot tub

We usually go camping 😂

But very worried about my brothers feelings think we might have to keep it secret!

Been together ten years and have 2 kids. I doubt it will affect your brother adversely for you to celebrate deciding to get married.

What sort of "celebration" were you planning?

I’m sure your brother will be happy for you. I wouldn’t keep it a secret but when you tell him acknowledge that it’s crap timing and you understand if he feels weird about it.

Let us know when he proposes ;)

Definitely don't keep it secret.

You can celebrate how you choose. Although I would try and be a little sensitive that your brother may not quite feel the same sort of excitement.

How recent is their split? Fairly recently and he may feel you're showing off and rubbing all your loved-upness in his face.

So If you're wanting a party, I'd probably hold off, and just make a small announcement, say you want to take it all in, get stuff in order start planning, avoiding covid, before you get everyone together, even just so he doesn't feel like you're holding off for him..

If they split up a while ago (even if they have just started the divorce itself) then plan as you would. In the kindest way, some divorces can be long (and upsetting) but people can't put their life on hold and refuse to celebrate their own relationship developments.