Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To mention his stammer

29 replies

Magpiesalute · 17/08/2020 22:06

My son is 10 and has started to stammer a bit at the beginning of sentences. For example “So, so, so I went out...” It’s not every sentence, but often enough to be noticeable. It’s been going on for a couple of months and seems to be getting slightly worse.

I don’t think it’s at the stage where we should seek professional help (I don’t want to make it more of a big deal than necessary), but should I pick him up on it? Ask him to slow down and speak more clearly? I’m worried about doing the wrong thing and making him more nervous about it/making it worse, when it could just be a phase.

Can anyone with experience advise?

Thanks!

OP posts:
YesINameChangeEveryDay · 17/08/2020 22:19

I'd get professional help sooner rather than later. If you mention it in the wrong way you could do more harm than good.

Stonerosie67 · 17/08/2020 22:22

It may well be a phase, a lot of children stammer and 80% of them are boys, for some reason as yet unknown. Nobody knows what causes a stammer, although it is widely believed that the link from the brain which tells us automatically to take a breath before we speak is missing in a stammer, which is why they can always sing or shout 'fluently'.
This is the experience we have had....

When my ds started to stammer, we ignored it at first, then eventually as he got older and it got worse we were told not to worry, he'll 'probably' grow out of it....that probably is a very big word! Some do, of course, but our ds didnt and his stammer got increasingly worse.
He didnt grow out of it, despite our best efforts of ignoring it, or telling him to slow down or trying to help by finishing his sentences for him (which, it turned out, hd hated!) so we accessed the very limited speech therapy available to him, which did no good and we were discharged. The therapist told us he had a very severe stammer, but there was nothing else they could do!
When ds was almost 13 we found The Starfish Project and they changed his life! Thanks to them, and ds' hard work, you wouldn't know he has a stammer, he controls it so well. They are a non-profit organisation, and I cannot thank them enough for what they have done for ds.
I know I sound like I work for them, but I honestly don't, my only affiliation with them is what they have done for ds. Google them, and have a look for yourself. They literally are life-changing.

Original poster
Magpiesalute · 17/08/2020 22:27

Thanks both of you! I’ll look up the Starfish project. Obviously I’m hoping it’s just a phase.

OP posts:
Witchcraftandhokum · 17/08/2020 22:54

I stammer and have done since I was able to speak. Years of speech therapy did absolutely nothing for me. I absolutely hated when people stopped me and told me to slow down. It absolutely meaningless advice when you can't get a word out and it left me feeling like a victim who needed help to speak, most of the time I would just shut up and walk away. I've never tried to control or hide my stammer, itf people don't like the wa I speak, fuck 'em.

MitziK · 17/08/2020 22:58

Don't say slow down, speak more clearly, don't gabble, you're doing it again or anything remotely like that. It actually makes it worse, as you're interrupting any chance of getting the words out.

Cato31 · 17/08/2020 23:01

DS ended up at the Michael Palin centre for stammering children. Useful advice included slow your own speech down, pause before each reply when you speak to him to slow the whole conversation, never interrupt. Have a special time each day when you for example play a board game together in an unrushed fashion with plenty of extra slow conversation and turn-taking. Don't let siblings interrupt him when speaking or answering. It improved stammer a lot.

Original poster
Magpiesalute · 17/08/2020 23:13

Thanks, some really practical advice here. I appreciate it!

OP posts:
Fightthebear · 17/08/2020 23:21

I have two DSs who stammer. One is at the Michael Palin Centre, the other refused speech therapy as he says he likes the way he talks.

I absolutely would mention it, but not label it a stammer. Say something like “you seem to be having trouble getting your words out?” to get it out in the open and give him an opening to discuss how he’s feeling about it.

Apart from that, don’t give him advice (you don’t know how to deal with it) but let him finish at his own pace and concentrate on what he’s actually saying, not his fluency.

I know it’s stressful when it starts, but we’re all much more relaxed about it now.

Grapewrath · 17/08/2020 23:27

My dad stammmered but outgrew it. Agree with not asking them to start again, slow down, take a breath etc. It makes them more conscious of it and exacerbated it.
I’d be honest with your boy and say that you’ve noticed he’s getting stuck sometimes so want to see if he needs help to make it better or if it’ll go away on it’s own. Early and appropriate intervention is key.
SALT services via the nhs are shocking so prepare to seek support privately or from a charity

SemperIdem · 17/08/2020 23:27

My daughter (5) stammers occasionally, I don’t think she needs professional intervention for it but I am mindful of it too. I tend to say “I know you’re excited to tell me but take your time to say the words, there’s no rush”. It seems a bit long winded when I see it written down but it does genuinely seem to help.

Grapewrath · 17/08/2020 23:27

Dd not Dad, although he too stammered

Grapewrath · 17/08/2020 23:29

With young kids who appear to stammer it’s normally developmental dysfluency and a word finding issue as opposed to a true stammer. Often develops after a big explosion in language when their mouth and brain haven’t quite synced up.

Witchcraftandhokum · 17/08/2020 23:37

Fightthebear have you asked your child how it makes him feel when you say "you seem to be having trouble getting your words out?”

roxfox · 17/08/2020 23:37

Don't waste time. Get it sorted now while it's easier to resolve.

Witchcraftandhokum · 17/08/2020 23:39

Don't waste time. Get it sorted now while it's easier to resolve.

But also prepare yourself that it might not be resolved.

Fightthebear · 17/08/2020 23:42

Witch - I jumped into speech therapy with DS1 without listening tbh. He said he’s happy with the way he speaks, so we stopped it.

DS2 said he didn’t like getting stuck and was clearly getting frustrated and upset, so we pursued speech therapy.

I love the “let ‘em wait” approach, if you can get that type of resilience then fantastic. You can’t reduce good communication to fluency.

Witchcraftandhokum · 18/08/2020 10:19

In my experience unless you stammer you cannot understand the terror it can illicit everyday. You can't predict when you will stammer which turns every time you open your mouth into a gamble. Everyday conversation, picking up a phone, being asked to read in class or introducing yourself becomes a terrifying prospect.

For me being told to "stop and slow down" was mortifying. I'm in no way saying that my stammer is a disability, but there's no other time that a physical difficulty would be continually pointed out.

School was the foundation of my resilience. Children can be cruel and yes I was bullied, but my parents always told me that if people had a problem with the way I speak was their issue and not mine.

I'm not saying that my stammer doesn't affect me now. I've lost out at interviews because they thought I was extremely nervous when I really wasn't I was just stammering, and I wish every day I didn't have it but I learned to live with it in the same way most people do.

FortunesFave · 18/08/2020 10:22

Witch forgive me if I'm insensitive but would it help to say at the start of your interviews "I do have a slight stammer...I like to tell people so that they don't think it's due to nerves...better to let you know than have it there as an elephant in the room?"

Or something of that nature?

Witchcraftandhokum · 18/08/2020 10:30

FortunesFave Again it's a gamble. Sometimes I can give them the heads up and not stammer at all, but then I've planted a seed in their head. Not many people want to employ a teacher who sometimes has difficulty speaking.

And truthfully I find it embarrassing to say it, kind of like "give me special treatment because I have something wrong with me". A while ago I did an assembly on resilience and told my students. (some of them would have realised and some would have been completely unaware). I worried about it for days.

missrks · 18/08/2020 10:38

I had one that was really bad when I was younger - fuelled by kids being horrible to me about it. I done speech therapy for a few years and tried the breathing techniques that taught me to breathe into some words and speak slower.
Grew out of it but it comes back sometimes. Kinda learned to adapt and can't start sentences with D's or B's! My vocabulary has vastly improved if anything..

Maybe check in the teacher and see how he's getting on in the class?

Being put on the spot to speak was always a nightmare. My son and DP don't even acknowledge it if it starts up and that works better for me.

Witchcraftandhokum · 18/08/2020 10:40

The thing about the breathing techniques is that they all seem well and good in theory but in reality (especially as a child) remembering to stop and breathe everytime you speak just doesn't happen.

Stonerosie67 · 18/08/2020 22:02

The thing about the breathing techniques is that they all seem well and good in theory but in reality (especially as a child) remembering to stop and breathe everytime you speak just doesn't happen.

Ds managed it. It wasn't easy and we had a lot of highs and lows but it was so worth it. To hear him now makes all the effort worthwhile, but you have to really want it.

hippohector · 18/08/2020 22:21

Google ‘Lidcombe therapy’
It’s usually recommend for children under 6 but it can work for older children too.
Worked wonders for my DS (who was 8 at the time). He is now a teen and no more stuttering at all

Witchcraftandhokum · 18/08/2020 23:47

Stonerosie67 are you suggesting I don't ", really want* to stop stammering?

Stonerosie67 · 19/08/2020 00:38

Sorry Witch no I really wasn't, and i apologise as reading my post back i can see that's how it would come across.

It was just a turn of phrase, I was thinking about all the years ds has spent working on the technique he learned at Starfish.
Again, apologies if I've offended you x