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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to take some time off with after DH left

25 replies

Abendintheriver · 17/08/2020 21:59

DH left yesterday. It wasn't a huge surprise but we were working on things and I thought it was getting better. He's gone though and I'm really struggling with it. I've worked today (from home) but I'm finding it hard to concentrate and have achieved pretty much nothing today. I just want to wallow in bed for a few days but I'm not ill. Just sad. Would it be really bad to take time off? Happy to take leave but it's not great timing deadline wise, saying that I'm not getting much done :( I'm a mess and don't know what is best

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 17/08/2020 22:02

Could you speak to your manager? They might allow some time out for compassionate leave. Or ask your GP for a sick note?
Sorry that you’re going through this.

Original poster
Abendintheriver · 17/08/2020 22:09

I'm happy to take annual leave, it's just a difficult time because so many people are off with it being school holidays. I don't want to let anybody down but I just can't focus right now and I guess people go through this all the time and I feel a bit pathetic!

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 17/08/2020 22:16

Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. How approachable is your manager? If needed I'm pretty sure a GP would sign you off for a few days.

MushMonster · 17/08/2020 22:21

Try to take annual leave OP. No point in working if you cannot concentrate and you could make a mistake like this.
The GP will sign you off too if needs be.
Take lots of care of yourself Flowers

Bunnybumbum · 17/08/2020 22:27

According to the Unison website, a relationship breakdown is not covered by compassionate leave. That seems a bit off! Of course your mind is elsewhere. Take leave if you can, you definitely need time to process Flowers

gah2teenagers · 17/08/2020 22:28

Take some time off. Look after yourself.

Original poster
Abendintheriver · 17/08/2020 22:28

My manager is ace but she's on leave this week which leaves me with the director of our department. He's fine but very corporate (as I guess he should be :)) and I feel a bit like he'll think this is something I should just work through

OP posts:
Original poster
Abendintheriver · 17/08/2020 22:30

And thank you everyone for replying, I'm feeling pretty alone tonight and it helps Flowers

OP posts:
Longdistance · 17/08/2020 22:36

Aww, be kind to yourself. Can you not feign a vomiting bug? Have a couple of days to yourself that way?
For you Flowers

passthemustard · 17/08/2020 22:52

You can self cert for 7 days. I would do that. Save your annual leave for something fun

letsdolunch321 · 17/08/2020 22:54

When your situation happened to me, I took 5 days off which included a bank holiday, this time gave me what was needed to get through to different organisations that I need to speak to.

Take some time off & most importantly be kind to yourself & look after yourself.

Comedyusername · 17/08/2020 22:56

Do you have the sort of relationship where you could text your manager while she's on leave?
Sorry you're going through this. You definitely need time to work through the shock.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 17/08/2020 23:01

You're not pathetic, OP, anyone would be struggling in your position. Most people can't just keep working through such a monumental life change. Go easy on yourself. And take some time off Flowers

ThreeFish · 17/08/2020 23:16

I'm director level, I'd prefer you approached me for annual leave than struggle through. Everyone needs a break sometimes and work can be otherwise allocated. you would get a sympathetic and supportive ear from me and I would appreciate your honesty. No one including directors is indispensable. Look after yourself.

AlwaysLatte · 17/08/2020 23:50

Regardless of anything else, and whether or not it was the best outcome, it's still a kind of bereavement, of course you need time off. Blow the cobwebs away and come back happier Thanks

BrummyMum1 · 18/08/2020 00:23

I’d pull a sickie but I’ve never worked with a boss I’d feel comfortable sharing personal information like this with. If you have a supportive manager, better to be honest.

imissthesouth · 18/08/2020 00:27

Definitely take some time off OP, i'm sure discussing with your manager will be helpful as they will most likely be sympathetic, compassionate leave is a good idea although if unwilling to take it then using annual leave is a good idea. Hope you're looking after yourselfThanks

ilovesooty · 18/08/2020 00:39

@Longdistance

Aww, be kind to yourself. Can you not feign a vomiting bug? Have a couple of days to yourself that way? For you Flowers
Why on earth does she need to pretend to have a vomiting bug ?

OP this seems a perfectly good reason to self certify. Your mental health matters.

AlexaShutUp · 18/08/2020 00:48

I'm also at director level. You might actually be surprised, OP, at the number of people who do take time off for this kind of thing - you just don't get to hear about it. It's true that some people choose to work through this kind of stuff because work helps them to take their mind off things, but that's just personal preference and they probably aren't that productive. I think there are very few directors/managers who would just expect you to carry on as normal in this situation, it wouldn't be a reasonable expectation.

My advice is therefore to go and speak to your director to ask for some time off. It sounds like you really need it.You don't have to struggle on. I'm sure you wouldn't think badly of a colleague who took time off in a similar situation, would you?!

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this btw.Flowers

ChaoticGouda · 18/08/2020 01:45

Even if you were determined to push through it, going through a tough time like this without a break would only hurt your efficiency anyway.

it's really best for both you and your colleagues if you take some time to be kind to yourself. I always find that when I have a strong urge to withdraw from the world, it's for a bloody good reason Flowers

Good luck OP, hope you get the rest you need Smile

doityourselfnow · 18/08/2020 06:59

Take some time out, give your mental health a rest.

Iwantafuckingbreak · 18/08/2020 07:21

When I found the text messages from my 'DP' to his receptionist I ended up being signed off for 8 weeks. I was already on antidepressants but it turned my whole world upside down and I lost it for a while. I'd take some time Flowers

menofharlech · 18/08/2020 07:27

Another who says do try and talk to your director. I am the level below that and would expect you to be off for a few days and my bosses would certainly be understanding no matter how corporate ( and one of them is a right wanker)

Also, from their POV if you are not productive and could be slow/making mistakes then you are better off being off.

Look after yourself and give yourself a break.

AnaadiNitya · 18/08/2020 07:33

I would. I remember splitting with my ex and bursting in to tears several times whilst I was teaching the next day Shock

It was grief and I needed to grieve for a day or two.

I was totally fine after that.

LakieLady · 18/08/2020 07:38

I'd definitely speak to your manager or their next in line. Explain that you've just had a really shit relationship breakup, you're in an emotional mess and you won't be able to give your best, and that while you realise the timing is unfortunate from a work point of view, you'd really appreciate it if you could take a few days leave to get your head together.

Any manager where I work would be fine with that.

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