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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hate being called “nice”

15 replies

Alison421 · 17/08/2020 17:42

I’m beginning to really hate being called “nice” and “lovely”. I used to think it was a compliment but now it just grates on me. My little one is in nursery and out of the blue the new worker said “oh manager was saying Alison is such a lovely and nice person and you are so lovely”. The thing is I feel over the years I’ve been conditioned to always be sweet, kind and caring - all these qualities in moderation are brilliant but I want to start being a little less nice. I want to be known as someone who will speak her mind and get things off her chest. Spoke to my mum today about hating the word “nice” always being used to describe me and her response is it’s better than being called a “bith”, but to be honest I want* to be more bitchy rather than nice but I just don’t know how!

I don’t know where to start. Maybe when schools go back I will stop being so smiley and friendly like I did before lockdown. I was always the one smiling and saying hello and making polite conversation. I need to start small but just don’t know how.

I know it might sound weird to some of you but I often feel being so nice people think you’re a bit dumb around here as no one else is that smiley or friendly. Also being “nice” I feel gives people the green light to be CF as they know I’ll be too polite to say anything.

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WhatamessIgotinto · 17/08/2020 17:45

Why would anyone want to be more bitchy?

Do you think you're a doormat? Do people treat you badly? I only surround myself with people that I think are nice and I certainly don't think they're dumb. I think bitchy people are arseholes though and have no time for them.

Alison421 · 17/08/2020 17:47

Maybe bitchy Is not the right word but I do feel like a doormat so I want to be able to put people in their place if they’re rude to me. Like now I will just smile and move on as I feel I don’t have time for dramas but then people will always treat me like a doormat if I don’t change. I need to show my kids it’s okay to but be so nice all the time

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LeftMyOtherUsernameAtHome · 17/08/2020 17:47

There's a difference between being nice and being a doormat.

AllWeHaveIsNow · 17/08/2020 17:47

"Perfectly nice", I always think is damning with feint praise!

Lovely is fine. Not keen on nice tbh.

shinyredbus · 17/08/2020 17:48

Wtf? Are you serious? For real? The fact that people think you’re nice and your child is lovely? This is your issue?! You can be nice and say no, you know?

Alison421 · 17/08/2020 17:50

It just I feel certain people take advantage like my SIL’s over the years have said some awful things to me but I’ve never said anything back. So no I don’t want to be nice to everyone all the time I want to be bitchy to people that are bitchy to me but I really struggle! Any tips with this?

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managedmis · 17/08/2020 17:53

SIL asked other SIL to give her son a lift with her lad. SIL said, no, sorry, they fight too much.

I was a bit Shock at how abrupt she was, but then I just thought, good for her

managedmis · 17/08/2020 17:54

It just I feel certain people take advantage like my SIL’s over the years have said some awful things to me but I’ve never said anything back

^

Reply with 'what do you mean by that?' and a hard stare. Usually shuts people up

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/08/2020 17:55

I think you’re talking about healthy boundaries and assertiveness not niceness v bitchiness?

Alison421 · 17/08/2020 17:55

@managedmis thank you for the tip

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Shayisgreat · 17/08/2020 17:55

I think the word you're looking for is assertive. Some people who are overly nice and lack assertiveness can have people walk all over them occasionally.

Lots of self help books out there about how to become more assertive. Being bitchy isn't assertive, it's juat bitchy.

Sonders · 17/08/2020 17:57

It sounds like you want to stop being passive and a pushover. It is perfectly possible to be lovely and nice without also holding these qualities.

Thelnebriati · 17/08/2020 17:59

Read A Woman in Your Own Right by Anne Dickson, and quit smiling all the time. You can still be pleasant and make small talk without being a doormat.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 17/08/2020 17:59

You don't need to be bitchy back.
Bitchiness is nothing to aspire to, niceness is under rated.
Get yourself some assertiveness books to help you say no when you need to.
Don't stop being nice, there's not enough of it about.

Alison421 · 17/08/2020 18:39

Thank you all. Yes I agree assertiveness is the key word here. Thank you for the book tip I will order it.

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