AIBU to feel miffed by DP

[PeachGinMummy]

DP has a full time job and I’m a SAHM. His is a high pressure job. I’m happy to do all DC stuff, cooking, cleaning etc around him working and when he needs to rest outside of work etc. None of that is an issue. He normally works in an office.

Recently he’s been having a day or two per week working from home. Naturally he can’t really work in the room with DC running around, TV noise, toys etc, so he works upstairs in our bedroom.

Now here’s the problem... While he’s up there, he’s binge watching shows, listening to podcasts, laying back, snacking. Sometimes he’ll take an hour long lol break. I’m running around with DC downstairs as usual, technically for me nothing has changed and I don’t expect extra help. So that’s why I’m wondering if I’m BU for being so irritated, but it winds me up knowing he’s chilling out upstairs while my days carry on as per!!

I’ve suggested he works in a different room where there’d be less distractions. I genuinely think it’s not good for his productivity anyway. He gets pissy and says things like ‘I can’t come and help you with the kids while I’m meant to be working’... WELL I DIDN’T BLOODY ASK YOU TO!

He is not allowed to watch TV and films at work, he claims he can put his headphones in at his desk and listen to a podcast but he needs to be able to answer phones etc. so he doesn’t immerse himself in media.

AIBU for being irritated by DP? Is he a CF or am I a moany cow?

Lol break = loo break

My DH has a job where he can get away with listening to podcasts and audio books, occasionally watching TV shows while he waits to do his bit. Drives me mad as I'm jealous, I'm either looking after DD or stuck at a desk with work I can't concentrate on while doing anything else. Not sure what the answer is!

I’d be pretty pissed off too. My dh works full time and I’m Sahm but he still does Jobs a around the house and helps with the kids every evening .

I can listen to podcasts, TV or music while working as long as I am ready to pick up calls quickly. They help my concentration and thought process if I need to consider a reply to an email or I am having issues with a situation I need to think through.

I’m in the same predicament. My DH has been working from home throughout but still isn’t back at the office. His actual work load though is very sporadic. The majority of lockdown has been spent in the garage working on his hobby, watching YouTube, drinking energy drinks and smoking again. Oh and the gym now that’s opened up. However, I did initially ask for help, which was met with ‘well what would you usually do?’ and now even when I don’t ask but it’s obvious I could do with a hand I get ‘I am meant to be working you know!’

Unfortunately I don’t have the balls or the self-respect to question him about it.

Its not a competition. Your husband will be back to his normal routine so id try to be happy for him that his work isnt so stressful at the moment.

Im saying this as someone working full time from home whilst my furloughed partner plays xbox all day. Im jealous that i still need 2 work, but im happy his life is enjoyable atm.

So stupid to take all the dc work on.

I had three under five and was a SAHM while DH went to the office. As soon as he got in he would take over kid stuff or cook dinner etc. On a weekend we both parented our joint children.

Why do women do this to themselves.

What is he doing with the time that he normally spends commuting?

DH and I shared a home office for a bit, so I saw that he genuinely has time to mess around on his phone whilst waiting for things to happen. But he spends 6:30-7:30 with DS whilst I have some time to myself.

Surely if he's got time to loaf about binge watching tv, snacking and laying about he's got time to help you out.

Doesn't he want to spend time with his kid/kids? Weird.

I couldn't begrudge him listening to a podcast or the radio whilst working but if he's able to take long breaks where he just needs to be available if the phone rings then there is no reason why he can't contribute towards helping you really.

He can be supervising the kids while you have a bit of downtime, and could always give you a shout if the phone rings.

I don’t even want help with DC though. As far as I’m concerned, he’s at work. I don’t expect to have extra help because he’s physically in the house. I just find it so bloody irritating knowing that he’s actually upstairs watching tv and generally dossing about.

I’m thinking perhaps I didn’t explain too clearly in my OP, but what I meant was that at work in the office he’s allowed to listen to a podcast. What he does when ‘working from home’ is miles what I suspect he’s allowed to. If I was his manager I’d sack him for binge watching a show laid back on a pillow at work. But I’m wondering if I’m actually just irritated because I don’t get the same kinds of luxuries 🤷‍♀️

Well now I’ve finished work I’ll have to kick DP downstairs to finish his shift, I want to watch TV in bed

I think his employer is the one who should be pissed off, but also you when he gets the sack!

Nope, apparently I have no right to be annoyed at what he chooses to do upstairs during his work time, according to him. He asked to work from home today because we had a situation that he would have had to be home for. But it didn't happen in the end. I think he should have gone into the office at that point. He said he chose to stay so he could be here with me and DC. But I didn't see him until after I put DC to bed. With the exception of when I had to go into the bedroom to grab a couple of things, one of those times the door was locked and I had to knock very loud for him to hear me over the movie he was watching. When I suggested that he'd stayed home to work because he was more comfortable in the bedroom, he got mightily upset.

I get that I'm going to be flamed or called a nag at this stage but I don't really know what else to say. I'm struggling to see how I shouldn't be feeling frustrated. I know for a fact that if the situation were reversed, even if I did exactly the same thing during my shift, I would come down afterwards and make him a cold drink and thank him for letting me have alone time to work. I refuse to believe that sitting working whilst laying back and enjoying a movie binge with snacks is as taxing as sitting in an office all day. Even a makeshift office at home can be tough.

Apologies for ranting though.