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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wfh

72 replies

Feellikedancingyeah · 17/08/2020 15:29

Like many other families it's been hard with DH WFH since March. I am doing my best to occupy DS (14) so DH can concentrate on work. DS occasionally comes into the living room if I am in there, to ask me for help with technical issues with his phone etc. He does get excited on the phone sometimes when playing minecraft.
DH always tuts loudly and says "God why can't he be quiet". Today I reminded DH that I have again taken out DS all morning to am activity and he snapped and said "you can piss off too".
DH can't move his computer upstairs as there is no wired connection and he won't use a wi fi only connection. The hub is in the living room. Sky won't move it as they won't come into the house for that job due to Covid. DS can't use wi-fi in his bedroom as it does not work properly, even with the booster from Sky.
AIBU to think DH is being unreasonable with his attitude?

OP posts:
minnieok · 17/08/2020 16:02

Get a WiFi extender for your ds, it was about £25 from amazon. As others have said, Ethernet cables are cheap, run one upstairs (just ensure you check for cables before drilling!!!)

Ginfordinner · 17/08/2020 16:06

As has been suggested, a plug in TP link will give him wired connection anywhere in the house. It runs off the electrical circuit so it can be plugged in to any power supply. IMO it does provide a better connection than Wi-Fi. I use a TP link.

If he refuses to do this then he is an arsehole.

Horehound · 17/08/2020 16:07

Get a netgear WiFi extender. We got one and it has made such a difference. We can get signal in the other end of our house now.

LuaDipa · 17/08/2020 16:10

If my DH spoke to or about our 14 year old like that he would be finding somewhere else to work.

These are tricky times for everyone and as the adult dh should be more understanding. Even more so considering your DS has SEN.

UnfinishedSymphon · 17/08/2020 16:13

Your DP cannot commandeer the living room and expect everyone else to be quiet, can he not sit in the dining or kitchen?

IsaLain · 17/08/2020 16:14

Why cant your husband wear noise cancelling headphones?

I think you need a serious discussion to remind him that this is your home not his office. If he going to work from home permanently then a new solution is needed. A cable running up to your room is a quick and easy solution to implement.

Your being really unfair to your son.

RABO · 17/08/2020 16:26

Both myself and DH are working from home at the moment with our DC running between us.
I can't imagine ever being upset or asking them to compromise just because I'm at home in the living room. It is a strange time at the moment for everyone.

I had an issue with weak WiFi connection so ordered a long cable cable and ran it through the house - not pretty but it worked!

I also think the way he spoke to you is very rude, I don't think I know how I'd react if DH said that to me

Kittykatmacbill · 17/08/2020 16:31

Buy an Ethernet cable don’t need to drill a hole just buy a slightly longer one and thread it through the staircase. You husband is being rude.

LightgreenBanana · 17/08/2020 16:33

Buy a long Ethernet cable and send him upstairs

About £20 on Amazon.
Cat 6 or 7 I forget.

Also get some tape or wire hooks to keep it tidy
You poor thing, living with that selfish horrible man And as others said, your poor son for having to put up with it..

Intelinside57 · 17/08/2020 16:40

What does your DH do for a living? Unless he sits alone in an office usually with nobody coming in all day he's being a precious idiot isn't he? Where do you work where you don't have people passing by, overhear conversations, get interruptions, be aware of others on the phone...?

Bubbletrouble43 · 17/08/2020 16:44

Yes get an ethernet cable, we have done this, run it out to the summerhouse/shed thingy as dp working from home... No chance of quiet with my two, and he wouldn't expect it.

BluePaintSample · 17/08/2020 16:45

YANBU, your Dh is working in a home, not an office.

Simple solutions, noise cancelling headphones
Ethernet extension cable

Long term solutions - a home office in the garden

We moved to this house a decade ago and the office is upstairs away from the noise of normal every day life with kids. Your Dh needs to move away from where his son and wife spend their time.

sugarbum · 17/08/2020 16:49

a) Your DH is a dick, whatever. DH and I are both WFH at the mo. We don't speak to other household members like that.

b) We have TP links in da house. DS1 has one that creates an ethernet link through the wiring, so he essentially has full internet in his room. It was about 80 quid. He is always gaming so I just thought that would be better.
I also have a wifi extender on the landing (which was a lot cheaper) that I bought when lockdown started, and I work from that. DS2 can connect his laptop from that too.
DH is downstairs working in the playroom and he uses normal wifi.
I also have a massively long ethernet cable, which is my backup if the wifi fails.

c) your DH is still a dick

Kaiserin · 17/08/2020 16:52

After so many months of work from home... Your DH needs to fuck out of the living room, and make himself a work-from-home office in a quiet corner of the house (possibly his bedroom)

It's completely possible to run an ethernet cable from the living room to another room, including upstairs. You don't need an engineer to do that. If you know what you're doing, you can also use "ethernet over mains" (special adaptors to use existing electric wires as if they were network cables. E.g. www.argos.co.uk/browse/technology/laptops-and-pcs/networking/powerlines/c:30071/). And if noise is an issue, noise cancelling headphones are the solution. But he needs a space of his own anyway, so that he can adopt a good work posture when sitting (or standing) in front his computer (sofa + coffee table is no good)

Cosmosgrowinmygarden · 17/08/2020 16:55

I think your husband needs to bear in mind that your son has been largely at home for five months and that it is now the school holidays. In two weeks or so he will be back at school. Tell your husband to get back to his office if he can’t be civilised whilst working from HOME!

Devlesko · 17/08/2020 16:55

Your dh is abusive to his wife and son, that's all you need to know. Sad

Preseli · 17/08/2020 16:56

Second vote for the TP link, my partner uses his to extend the ethernet so that he can be in his gaming room using a wired connection without having to be in the living room taking up all the space. (I think this is the one we have: www.currys.co.uk/gbuk/computing-accessories/networking/powerline/tp-link-tl-wpa7510-wifi-powerline-adapter-kit-twin-pack-10174604-pdt.html?intcmpid=display~RR)

Your husband is being an arse as I'm sure he can probably work off the wifi anyway...

KoalasandRabbit · 17/08/2020 16:59

Your DH sounds very rude. My DH also currently works from home downstairs on a wired connection, he insists on it saying his work don't allow wireless for security reasons.

I have 2 kids of a similar age, one with SN and they know to be quiet around him though very occassionally aren't.

Ds (asd) is like a mouse so he is easy and he just uses wifi. DD uses data in her room though is also nocturnal which makes life easier. I think your DH is being unreasonable to talk to you like that but not unreasonable to want peace whilst working and a solution, however, he should be sorting that with you.

Gobbycop · 17/08/2020 17:06

Listen to the posters saying get the tp link plugs.
You don't need reems of ethernet cable.

Being told to piss off though, seriously?

My fucking feet wouldn't touch the ground if I spoke to my mrs like that.

Frequency · 17/08/2020 17:18

To be completely fair to the DH whether he's a dick or absolutely needs quiet to work depends on his employer. I make and receive calls to end users. I need a quiet work environment or I get managers threatening to bring me back into the office. I too get pissy when people make noise after I've repeatedly asked for quiet. However, I agreed with family where the best place for my home set up was and had the technical knowledge to choose anywhere in the house rather than being limited to the room with the router.

An ethernet cable would be the most simple solution, cheapest for someone with limited tech knowledge. Those plugs are great but you're adding an extra point of failure. It's not something I would use if I had the choice between that or an ethernet cable.

upsidedownwavylegs · 17/08/2020 17:27

@Frequency

To be completely fair to the DH whether he's a dick or absolutely needs quiet to work depends on his employer. I make and receive calls to end users. I need a quiet work environment or I get managers threatening to bring me back into the office. I too get pissy when people make noise after I've repeatedly asked for quiet. However, I agreed with family where the best place for my home set up was and had the technical knowledge to choose anywhere in the house rather than being limited to the room with the router.

An ethernet cable would be the most simple solution, cheapest for someone with limited tech knowledge. Those plugs are great but you're adding an extra point of failure. It's not something I would use if I had the choice between that or an ethernet cable.

No, he IS a dick. If you would speak to your family like that for living in their home you’re one too.
TempestHayes · 17/08/2020 17:31

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Just tell them both to work it out between them. A grown man and a 14yo don't need you to fix their problems, or keep them entertained. At 14 can't he go out with his friends?
Excellent, just chuck the kid out, that solves everything. I'm sure the husband will stop telling his family to 'piss off' if only the child could do everyone the favour of removing themselves from the home.

DH should fuck off upstairs.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 17/08/2020 17:40

I'd be very grateful for any pointers towards a basic readable guide to ethernet/TP or even setting up a LAN.

Let's just say that we're having these problems in a household very near to me and we don't even know what it is that we need to know to make a decision about how to solve some of the difficulties.

endofthelinefinally · 17/08/2020 17:42

What a rude, inconsiderate man.
Surely he is capable of buying a cable and running it upstairs. My 14 year old did that himself back in the days before we had WiFi.

Alternatively there are some really good hotel deals around at the moment. You and DS could go and have a nice break in the country and leave Mr Grumpy to fend for himself.

sabbii · 17/08/2020 17:49

get the flat ethernet cable for a few quid - he really should know that. I am in the loft and and have threaded that all the way from the router by the front door.
his attitude stinks