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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

money

20 replies

Frances123456 · 17/08/2020 10:52

My husband and I are due to have some money ( and after using it to pay of debts, mortgage), I would like to split the amount between us.
anyone done this? Views.
I would like to have my own money.

OP posts:
Soozikinzii · 17/08/2020 10:59

Surely it's up to you and your husband what you do with your own money ? If you agree to split it into two separate accounts with two separate names on then that's fine? As long as you both agree ?

MaskingForIt · 17/08/2020 11:01

Is this money to spend, or save? Where is the money coming from? If you’re spending it then you should probably have equal amounts, but if it is going into long term savings for joint purchases, that could be in a joint account.

randomchap · 17/08/2020 11:02

Where's the money coming from? Do you not have your own money now? Is there a disagreement over what to do with it?

Original poster
Frances123456 · 17/08/2020 11:58

Hi

The bottom line is that I do not trust my H and worry any money in our account ( joint) will go somewhere. He can be over generous with money and loans to people and had 2 intimate relationships in past with women ( I suspected strongly) over past 5 years.

OP posts:
contrmary · 17/08/2020 12:15

Put your half in an account he can't touch. Buy bitcoin, buy gold, buy premium bonds or whatever. Just make sure it's an account in your name only that only you have access to.

ElainaElephant · 17/08/2020 12:21

Seems totally reasonable.

My ex was a nightmare for spending money we didn't have. I ended up splitting finances because I was sick of it. When I got a small inheritance I didn't even tell him about it, it went straight into my account. (In Scotland, so inheritances belong solely to the individual, rather than being a marital asset).

NailsNeedDoing · 17/08/2020 12:23

Where’s the money coming from? Without knowing that it’s impossible to advise you.

If it’s inheritance from his side of the family or something like that, then of course you can’t say you want some of it to be your own, but if you got lucky on a scratch card, it’s fine.

Starlight39 · 17/08/2020 12:24

It's absolutely fine to split the money and keep your half and definitely understandable under the circumstances!

The one thing I would say is that, if he fritters/loans/gives away his half and you still have your half and then you divorce, your money will form part of the marital pot and he could get half of it despite the fact he has already had his half!

GabriellaMontez · 17/08/2020 12:27

Where is the money from?
How much?

How do you organise your finances generally?

Whoknowswhocares · 17/08/2020 12:31

Ummm, if the bottom line is that you don’t trust him, is this really a sustainable relationship?
Sounds to me like what to do with the money is not really the fundamental problem

7yo7yo · 17/08/2020 12:57

Who is the money coming into the relationship through? For example if it’s you, use it to divorce him.

Bluntness100 · 17/08/2020 12:58

What do you mean due to have some money, where is it coming from and is it via one of you?

NailsNeedDoing · 17/08/2020 13:00

Seems quite telling that you won’t answer where the money is coming from OP. You probably don’t have valid right to keep half to yourself if you think the only thing that matters is that you don’t trust him. Your lack of trust doesn’t mean he should give you money hoard.

Bluntness100 · 17/08/2020 13:07

absolutely fine to split the money and keep your half and definitely understandable under the circumstances!

Don’t be silly. There is not enough info to say that, it could be an early pension of his he’s cashing in or his inheritance. Without saying what it is it’s impossible to comment.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/08/2020 13:09

Depends where the money comes from?

Jeremyironsnothing · 17/08/2020 13:11

If there is a chance you'll split up after he's spent his, then have you got a trusted relative you could use to put the money in their name?

piscean10 · 17/08/2020 13:12

OP if he is cheating on you as well as you not trusting him, then you should be more worried about that?
Keep your half to perhaps leave him.

Starlight39 · 17/08/2020 14:04

Don’t be silly. There is not enough info to say that, it could be an early pension of his he’s cashing in or his inheritance. Without saying what it is it’s impossible to comment.

As she was saying "my husband and I are due some money" I was assuming it was joint in some way as she didn't say "my husband is due a large inheritance/bonus/payout...".

randomchap · 17/08/2020 14:16

Op, if you want some serious advice then it's best to give more information, otherwise people will just make assumptions and the advice may not be great.

So far the only concrete thing that you've said apart from that you're getting some money is that you do not trust your husband with money and that you believe him to have been unfaithful. Without going all ltb, are you sure this relationship is working and that you want to stay in it?

Original poster
Frances123456 · 18/08/2020 14:31

Thanks
everyone

OP posts:
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