To say I can't do this on my own for 2 years (minimum)?

[Loveitifwemadeit]

Not really an aibu but I really need to talk it out.

Short back story, was seeing DP for about 8 months as fwb before we got together at the beginning of January. Found out we were pregnant end of Jan. Oops, not ideal but pretty happy about it. I have 1 DC from previous relationship.

DP is military. Was based 10 mins away, got posted elsewhere (2.5-3 hours drive, on a good day). Was originally due to go a few months ago but delayed by Corona. I've had months to get used to it, it wasn't a shock move but he's gone this evening and I cannot stop thinking that I can't do this on my own for 2 years.

Baby is due in September, he will have 2 weeks paternity leave and HOPEFULLY make it back in time for the birth. He will also be back at weekends apart from when he is sent away, which could be for months at a time.

I knew what I was signing up for when I decided to have a baby with a military man and I know that other women manage completely on there own etc etc but I just can't help feeling sorry for myself and my DC because I'm so worried that I won't be able to cope with a toddler and a baby alone. 😭

Im sure it will be hard but im equally sure you'll cope :) have you got any other support network around, good friends, family etc? I would suggest just taking each day as it comes!

Yeah, the reason I haven't gone with him is because DC1s dad lives round the corner and we co-parent excellently. He is very supportive and will do anything I need. Also have a few very good supportive friends.

So, I'm not really on my own but at night I will be and when I go into labour I probably will be 😫

The thought of it is much worse than the reality.

When you get your routines in place you will be fine, honestly.

It's hard to see because when you have 1 your world revolves around their needs, when another comes along they sort of have to learn to fit in to an extent.

You have plenty of time, so you can arrange for someone else to support you through labour. Might be a better idea to be pro active rather than hope for the best.

If you don’t think you can handle two years of him living away, what is your other option? Break up and do it alone for the next 18 years? Or at least until you take another FWB and have a child with them too.

Fucking hell, someone has some hang ups about FWBs, maybe better make your own thread about your issues MaskingForIt rather than projecting onto other peoples

You do get used to it short term, but my DH left because it was not the life of me or his DC

You'll have to, though. You can say what you want but if he doesn't want to leave the forces then he doesn't have to.

Thank you DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult I have got someone else that will be with me in labour if I need them, actually she's hoping he doesn't make it back in time because she wants to be there 😂 but with the covid rules I'm worried that dp won't then be allowed in if he does make it in time. So I need to check!

Thanks for the lovely words MaskingForIt. I don't tend to make a habit out of having babies with fwbs for what it's worth...although who gives a shit if I do? Not really your concern is it?

I only mentioned the fwb thing because it's slightly different to if I had just met a new partner and got pregnant. I had known this man a while and had fallen in love with him long before we got together officially.

Firstly congratulations on baby,I hope you have a safe calm birth
Presumably dd will be with her dad when you’re in labour & hospital
Do you have any friends/family who can support you? Take iPad for FaceTime

Even if he wanted to leave the forces he can't yet, hasn't been in long enough to quit!

@MaskingForIt

If you don’t think you can handle two years of him living away, what is your other option? Break up and do it alone for the next 18 years? Or at least until you take another FWB and have a child with them too.

That made me Lol. I can picture your disgusted expression and it's making me laugh even more.

I’m on my own at night a lot with a baby and a toddler, it’s not easy but it is doable. I get the baby to sleep then the toddler we have had a few late nights.
With regard to labour is there someone nearer who can go with you in case it’s a quick labour?
I think you’ll find you get into a routine quite quickly and it’ll be the weekends when he’s home that he upsets it all!

I've forgotten how to have a routine with just the toddler 😂 but you're right, I'm sure I will remember how to Mum and get into a routine pretty quickly. Be telling him to get back to work by Sunday morning 😂

You will be fine, because you have to be.
I do know how you feel, I'm an Army wife, and with my second baby my husband (before we were married) was posted 3 hours drive away and managed to make it home. Let him know as soon as you suspect you might be heading towards labour and all being well, he'll get to you. Obviously have a back up plan though!

We lived apart for 7 years, and had 3 children in that time. We have 5 now, we've been posted all over the place and he's away a lot so everything is down to me, we live 100's of miles from any friends or family now. But you just get on with life, you create a routine for you and your children, and it's up to him to fit in with it during leave/weekends etc.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!!