Miscarriage..

[Livelifejoyful]

I had a miscarriage a few months ago at 8 weeks and it really affected me. A few weeks later my best friend told me she was pregnant, of course I was delighted for her but I couldn't help feeling sad for myself. Then some time has past (a few months) and my husband told me his brothers wife is pregnant. As soon as he said it my eyes filled with tears and I had to quickly exusce myself from the room, it was bizzare because the feeling of sadness just overwhelmed me and I couldn't control my emotions. Is this normal? Not only that, since the miscarriage my husband and I sat down and discussed and decided to put off trying for a baby until we've finished building our house and are more settled financially (he's just starting a new business also) whilst I agree with this when I'm thinking with a logical mind, for some reason everytime we have sex (pull out method) I feel so sad when he finishes outside. (we have tried all forms of contraception and they don't work for me or us, so we agreed on this method and it's worked for us, we know it's not 100% but its worked for years for us in the past).

I just have this deep hurt and for some reason I can't control it. I don't know what answer I'm searching for really, just needed to say this to someone to get it out.

I’m so sorry for your loss

Miscarriage is a painful thing to go through, and I think it’s very normal to feel the pain more keenly when you see other people having what you lost. The fact that you aren’t trying at the moment maybe sharpens that.

Be gentle with yourself - grieving takes time.

I understand exactly how you feel. I had a late missed miscarriage several years ago. I was very ill both physically and mentally afterwards.
I could cope with people I knew were pregnant before my loss. I really struggled where I found out other people were pregnant shortly afterwards.
Be kind to yourself. It does get easier but can take time

I'm in a similar boat OP (a lot of us are, it's very common sadly). Be kind to yourself. It's fine not to want to see friends etc who are pregnant/distance yourself a bit and, yes, you'll suddenly find that everyone and their cat is expecting. I'd also suggest you tell people, directly and clearly, what you've been through and how you're feeling about it.

I completely understand. I had two losses between April and June and it affected me more than I realised. Several of my 'mum group' are now pregnant, and whilst I'm genuinely thrilled for them, I've also found myself completely avoiding rejoining any activities that involve them as the though of coming across a pregnant woman makes me want to cry. It feels ridiculous and selfish, I already have two wonderful children and one miscarriage nearly killed me. I think lockdown has exasperated the whole situation.

As for trying again, really there's not much difference in the 'right time'. If it's in both your longterm plans, is there any conversation to be had about it again?

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support, it's really lovely. And so sorry to those been through a miscarriage it really is awful.

@MouthBreathingRage I think we will revisit the topic in a few months time, I'm feeling so emotional about it that I don't think right now is the right time to discuss it. I want to be calm and in a good space in my mind. Men don't understand the magnitude of what we go through, my husband doesn't really know how to support me and after he told me about his brothers wife being pregnant I went off on him that night asking him how he could be so insensitive to tell me that (which of course is me being so unreasonable). He replied saying he didn't know it would upset me that much and I generally felt bad myself afterwards because it's not his fault and this is really something I need to overcome. I'm hoping time will heal me.

I’m sorry for your loss op. I had 2 miscarriages last year and while I’m doing better now I still have days where I struggle. There is no timeframe to grief- it’s only been a few months and it’s natural to get upset when you hear about friends/family announcing their happy news. Take care of yourself.

Thank you. I'm trying to. Hoping this pain will pass.