AIBU or is DP??

[tiredandpreggo]

Bit long to try not to drip feed

My 1yr old recently had his injections he's been very unsettled since and I'm in the house with him on my own for sometimes 15hrs a day while DP works. He does pointless overtime and doesn't really get paid for it and constantly agrees to work weekends sometimes it's 7 days a week. I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant and suffering really bad headaches and dizzy spells and I'm struggling with the lack of sleep and no help at home. I understand that DP is tired when he gets home and I don't ask him to do much just the occasional bottle and nappy change to which I usual end up doing myself anyway because he kicks up a fuss about how he's been at work all day. I never ask him to get up during the night because I don't think it's fair when he's working all day however when he has the weekends off I do ask him to get up during the night to either pass me DS or make a bottle when he's so unsettled then he goes back to sleep and I settle DS or feed him or just cuddle him.

So today DS has screamed all day I've tired everything to settle him and have had no luck my headache has been really bad today so when DP got in from work I asked him to give DS his tea so I could have a bath he kicked off and said he was tired and wanted a bath first so I just did it. Now bed time came and DS was still unsettled unless someone was cuddling him ive sat and rocked him for four hours I've tired walking round with him nothings working he's over tired and now won't sleep. DP has slept the whole way through this even when he's screamed I asked him to go and make a bottle to which he replied with "no you do it" so I've kicked off and said I shouldn't have to he's not at work tomorrow and I've been up for hours trying to settle him. We've argued and I asked him to go sleep on the sofa so there's enough room in the bed for me and DS as this is the only way he will settle. I have since been called a controlling arsehole and selfish because he's tired.

AIBU for asking him to sleep on the sofa or to help me settle DS when he's been at work today?

YANBU. He sounds really immature and selfish. Ask him to go and move into his parents if he won't accept his parental responsibilities.

YANBU your partner sounds immature and selfish. I had a partner like this, who thought the child caring was women's work because he was doing the hard graft to bring home the money. I dumped him, much happier now!!

Wow I hadn't even read that last post, same comments in first line!!

He sounds like a prick op. Yanbu

YANBU. He is being a lazy selfish pig. Looking after HIS child as well as being pregnant and ill, and he won't consider your needs, only his own!

If you can, wake that man up, hand him his child, and go for a drive in the car.

You have been treated like a doormat for too long. You are doing an important job just like him. Why should he get out of helping raising his children and participating in home life, the bad bits as well as the good times?

He clearly does not respect you, so why respect him anymore!

How are you doing OP?

Making a bottle is one of the things I could do as a Dad. Our first was part breast fed and part bottle fed. It seemed easy to share the work. Being a Dad means helping to look after your child, it is fun.

Can see why you’d have a second baby with this man, what a catch. YANBU but I bet he won’t change.

Ended up staying awake until 5:45 this morning with DS who just didn't settle and DP slept well apparently. The sofa is very comfy but I did feel guilty for kicking him out of the bed. He's helped me slightly today after a big argument but we will just see how long it lasts. When DS was first born DP was very good with him as I had to have a C section and couldn't do much but as he's getting older he just doesn't seem fussed.

Baby no 2 wasn't expected I was on the pill and took it same time every day I didn't find out I was pregnant until I was 14 weeks. I never expected to have 2 babies 15 months apart

YANBU! When I was pregnant with DS, husband was super helpful, made DD's milk for night feeds and fed her so I could rest. He doesn't do much now but I appreciated the help whilst I was expecting

OP, please ask him why he keeps volunteering to do unpaid overtime. Ask if he’s trying to avoid you and parenting duties. This is really selfish of him.

He's taking the piss doing all the overtime imo and leaving everything to you

Your mindset needs to change. He isn't helping you he's looking after his own child. He won't change they never do.

I would have a calm conversation with him saying that you recognise he works and is tired but it,s tiring looking after an unsettled baby too and that you need more support. Do you cosleep? I found this a life saver surely baby wasn,t awake all night? And if so why didn,t you wake your oh on the couch?