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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP snapped at me and made me feel like shit, just because I asked if he was ok..

33 replies

TattyTeddies · 15/08/2020 21:28

DP has been quiet and moody since waking up today, I didn't say anything at first just watched and wondered.

He been inpatient with the children who are toddlers (admittedly they were being hard work - they are kids) but his huffing and puffing was OTT.

I told him to stop being so impatient with them and perhaps give them the attention they want, they had lots of energy and wanted to play. I get the blocks out and play around with DS whilst my bath runs.

He engages with them half heartedly for a bit whilst I go for my bath and when I come out he's still in his shitty mood.

Quiet and barely saying anything, everything is an inconvenience and requires huffing and puffing. He's making it clear he's in a bad mood. You get the drift.

I sit down next to him and say "are you ok? Is something on your mind as you've been steessed all day"

He snaps back that he's fine and says "what.. can't I be annoyed when the kids are playing up, like normal people are"

I said of course he could but he's been like it all day long and he's only spent a portion of today with the kids as he's been working. I ask one more time is he sure he's ok and is there anything I can do.

Cue more huffing, biting my head off and expressing his annoyance that I've asked if he's ok in the first place.

I said ok suit yourself, if you're going to snap at me speak to me like that I'll not bother next time.

As I walk away he redirects DD from reaching for a mug then sarcastically says "oop, I'd better not say anything otherwise I'll be accused of being in a mood"

He clearly was and is in a fucking mood and is now being petulant to boot.

Was I being unreasonable for probing as to what on earth is wrong with the miserable git?

This has happened a handful of times before and every single time there has been something bothering him but he wouldn't say what.

OP posts:
blueshoes · 16/08/2020 00:41

Has he been working hard from home during lockdown. It makes me pretty crabby.

Durgasarrow · 16/08/2020 00:43

OP, that really sucks for you. When you said he might be in a bad mood because he had something on his mind, I thought, oh, the poor guy must have work troubles or a disease or something. Notan AFFAIR. Oh no, sir. You don't get to be in a bad mood because you're betraying your wife! Wait a minute, I want to back up for a minute. He's a grown-up, right? You don't get to be a shithead when you're a fucking grown-up who is a parent. Put on your big boy underpants and model adult behavior, don't whine that you're a petulant little half-man. Now to return to the subject. No wonder you are asking him what's wrongwhy wouldn't you feel anxious if he acts like a dick when he has affairs. That is one of the harms that having affairs causes. He has wounded your relationship.

TattyTeddies · 16/08/2020 00:45

He has yes and he didn't sleep well last night, DC woke him (and me) after 5 hours kip so I can understand him being tired or fed up if that were the case.

What irks me is that he just didn't say as much, I don't see how snapping at me and ranting that there is "nothing" wrong is a better option than just saying what's wrong.

That's why I'm second guessing his reasoning, if it were just what he said it was then surely he would say so on the spot, not go away and think about his answer then come and tell me.

OP posts:
Smallsteps88 · 16/08/2020 00:46

This has happened a handful of times before and every single time there has been something bothering him but he wouldn't say what.

Going on past experiences it's always something he didn't want me to know about. I end up finding out later on either by mistake or somebody else says something.

So tell him all this.

I'm not convinced but I'll leave it at that and see how he is tomorrow after a proper nights sleep.

DONT leave it at that. Sleep now but tomorrow call him on it. Tell him the above. That he needs to tell you what it is or pack a bag because you remember exactly what he was hiding previously when he wouldn’t tell you what was going on and you’ve no interest in sticking around for that again.

TattyTeddies · 16/08/2020 00:48

Thank you Durga you are spot on, he has wounded the relationship with his past affair. It is fractured and whenever he behaves like this I'm reminded of what he did in that I wonder if history is repeating itself.

He used to jump down my throat and snap at me just for an excuse to go out and see her. I think it made it easier for him to do what he did by painting me black.

OP posts:
TattyTeddies · 16/08/2020 00:49

Yes I think I'll do exactly that, Smallsteps.

OP posts:
Smallsteps88 · 16/08/2020 00:52

And when you say it tell him “and just to remind you, I know when you’re lying so before you speak make sure it’s the truth otherwise I’ll just pack the bag for you.”

justilou1 · 16/08/2020 01:57

Do you get to check his phone when he’s like this?

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