Back story; married nine years. Two DDs aged 5 and 7. Live in decent sized house and have a joint income that allows us to live well but not indulgently, so one holiday a year, a meal out every month, haircuts, days out etc. One DD has some additional needs and we spend money on specialist tutor etc.
Marriage pretty much dead. Have discussed in amicable manner and agreed we want to split up. We get on but we don’t want to be together. We do want to be as civilised about it as possible. Both of us have slipped up and gone over the line with colleagues and we have been honest about it with each other. Emotional affairs really. No hard feelings either way, we know these are symptoms not the problem but it makes it clear that we do need to move on.
We have been looking at living apart but it would be very tricky. I’d need to put 200k on the mortgage to buy him out and he would need to take on 100k of mortgage on top of the 200k I’d give him to stand a chance of getting even a half decent two bed flat. Expensive area. We don’t want to rent and it would cost more than mortgage in any event. HVing done the maths it’s doable but with no spare cash for anything nice. I’m prepared to make cuts but I don’t want to end up with no treats for the kids because of my choices. And beyond the money I do worry that our selfish desire to move on will impact on them massively. I do think that separated happy parents are better than together miserable parents though.
He has now come to me suggesting we draw up an agreement whereby we separate but live together. A clear rota of who is in charge of the kids with the other free to do whatever. One weekend on one off. We have separate bedrooms and bathrooms already. Similarly share the kids and week nights as well. Haven’t discussed the detail but would work out a way of separating finances so less shared as well, along with things like shopping and laundry.
I was initially quite dismissive but I can see some possibility this could work. Does anyone have any experiences to share? I can see it might be difficult if there were new people on the scene and it would have to be that this can’t happen if the other is under the same roof. I’m hopeful this could be some sort of solution?