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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shouted at DP AIBU

25 replies

Minister01 · 15/08/2020 12:24

I’ve had an extremely stressful month/week and not a great morning.

DP accidentally tripped and split the left over milk/cereal on the carpet. We laughed that our day hasn’t got off to a good start and I carried on doing the dishes.

I came back into the room and he was hoovering up the milk/cereal and I shouted at him to stop. I made a comment that all he was doing was hoovering up the mess and I replied with “but it’s going to clog up the hoover and to stop before you actually break it”.

He stormed out as he isn’t going to be spoken at like a child.

I’ve apologised for shouting but I didn’t want my vacuum broken and that’s why I shouted. He frustrated that I’ve spoken to him like a child.

I don’t want to grovel. It was literally just a shout ‘stop’.

As I’m stressed about 100% I cannot think straight. Who is being unreasonable. Should I grovel? Or should of he knew better?

OP posts:
Togepi · 15/08/2020 12:25

He should have known better! Surely he doesn't need to be told that you don't put milk in the hoover

Stroller15 · 15/08/2020 12:27

I should probably know better but how would that break the vacuum?

IncrediblySadToo · 15/08/2020 12:27

He is

If he doesn't want to be spoken to like a child, then not acting like one is a good place to start.

Ask him to ask all his mates if vacuuming up liquid is a good idea or not.

Idiot.

Wearywithteens · 15/08/2020 12:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

TorkTorkBam · 15/08/2020 12:29

Is it a wet dry hoover?

Why is it my vacuum?

Has he sorted it all out now, carpet, hoover etc.?

TheStoic · 15/08/2020 12:30

Shrug, and tell him to stop crying over spilt milk. Don’t think about it for one more minute.

Bluntness100 · 15/08/2020 12:33

Isn’t it both your hoover. To be fair it wasn’t a great idea but it wouldn’t likely break it and doesn’t need a shouting over.

Also don’t see why you need to “grovel” for me a simple apology of I shouldn’t have shouted is enough.

What’s going on in your relationship that a simple Apology wouldn’t be enough but grovelling is required. Or is this just hyperbole?

FlySheMust · 15/08/2020 12:36

He's a prick, OP.

Arsewell · 15/08/2020 12:43

It wasn't the best move on his part but he was trying to sort out a problem, it doesn't sound like it would have broken the vacuum cleaner and surely it belongs to you both? A simple sorry for shouting isn't "grovelling."

Maybe just keep out of each other's way for a while as you both calm down, it sounds like you're both stressed and getting on each other's nerves.

GabsAlot · 15/08/2020 12:48

men can be a bit stupid sometimes and dont think-he shojldnt be in a strop over it thogh

WorraLiberty · 15/08/2020 12:48

Honestly, don't most couples just forget about these things?

You were stressed and shouted, he was stressed and didn't appreciate being shouted at.

You apologised so just leave it now. No need to overthink it, it'll blow over.

Arsewell · 15/08/2020 12:51

Sorry, I've just seen you already said sorry. Stupid me for skim reading. Leave him to it, sounds like you could do with quiet time without him around so you can de-sress.

GoldenHoops · 15/08/2020 13:09

He's been watching that vax advert where they Hoover up spaghetti and tomato sauce. I assume your vacuum isn't a wet n dry one. Anyway don't worry about shouting at him, let him be for a while.

timesareachanging · 15/08/2020 13:13

@TorkTorkBam
Why is it my vacuum?

Does it matter? I’d refer to it as my vacuum if telling other people the story.

Don’t think there’s any need to get into a discussion about misogyny/feminism etc

SmudgeButt · 15/08/2020 13:28

Even intelligent people disconnect from practicalities at times. My OH hates our vacuum and keeps talking about replacing it. I've told him to go ahead but he won't because we both know it won't make any difference. his problem is that the vacuum never works. that's due to the fact that he uses it for vacuum up leaves, cat hair, tooth picks, twigs, tissues - basically anything that has fallen on the floor. And doesn't notice that it's these sort of things that clog the vacuum and stop it working properly. The easy and obvious thing to do is pick up large bits by hand and then vacuum and empty it frequently. he should know this but it just won't sink in. So I shout at him too when he's been such a twit!

LunaMay · 15/08/2020 13:34

If you've apologised for yelling at him like that I'd just leave him to get over it. I'm surprised at some of the responses though, usually women would be getting told he's been abusive and does it happen often blah blah blah

Butchyrestingface · 15/08/2020 13:39

Is it your vacuum cleaner though?

Isn’t it a household item? I would probably bristle a bit if you’d framed it like that, tbh.

vanillandhoney · 15/08/2020 13:51

Why would him vacuuming it break the vacuum cleaner? Presumably if it was on the carpet it wasn't a huge puddle?

It's a whole lot of drama over nothing, and there was absolutely no need for you to shout at him!

RoseTintedAtuin · 15/08/2020 13:54

Is it possible that he is also as stressed out as you are and that being shouted out (and from his perspective talked down to) for trying to clean up after himself pushed him over his threshold a bit? The not wanting to grovel I get but it does sound like pride as opposed to anything else which is likely what he is also feeling? Maybe do something positive and suggest a meal out or something special where you can both relax a bit?

updownroundandround · 15/08/2020 14:06

You have apologised for shouting. You do NOT need to grovel.

He was doing something dangerous which could've not only broken the vacum cleaner, but electrocuted him into the bargain ! What did he want you to do, stand and watch ?

Ask him how HE would've dealt with it had your positions been reversed, and YOU were putting your life in danger...........Hmm

And before all the nay sayers pounce, YES you CAN get electrocuted if you vacum up liquid in a machine not designed for it, my DC actually DID this when he was 3 and accidentally hit the dog's water bowl while helping me to hoover !

ComeOnBabyPopMyBubble · 15/08/2020 14:10

If you would've posted that you didn't stop him and now the hoover was broken, you would've been told off for not stopping him.

This place sometimes.Hmm

badacorn · 15/08/2020 14:42

If he had bought the vacuum cleaner himself I doubt he would be hoovering up wet food.

You don’t need to grovel op. You apologised for shouting abruptly and that was it. He probably just feels embarrassed.

Original poster
Minister01 · 15/08/2020 19:50

Thanks all for your responses.

I think it's just been a stressful few weeks for me and I understand why he thought I was taking it out on him (I very rarely raise my voice). I'm also very particular over my vacuum as it cost me a lot of money and i'm the one that always cleans it/empties/faffs around with it when it starts to play up - It was here before he was and I'm the one who replaces the appliances as technically it's my house (but his home).

After an hour of me having the cold shoulder (I did apologise for snapping in that time) and did clear up the mess we're okay now. It's horrible being stressed and not thinking clearly so thank you all again.

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 15/08/2020 20:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Lipz · 15/08/2020 20:13

OMG milk in a hoover Shock bed be regretting that in a day or two.

Luckily you don't have the Dyson ball cleaner...

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