AIBU to cancel this party?

[SwearsBySomething]

I arranged a party at my house for my work team (some now left) and people have been really looking forward to it and talking about it. No idea why the excitement, never done it before and its just drinks and some food. Anyway, at it approaches I feel sicker and sicker about it. I have anxiety and depression which is normally well managed and most people are not aware but its a very stressful time at work so anxiety pretty high. When I'm like this I need more time alone to recharge myself and I'm also a very private person only inviting very close friends to my house. I'm trying to work out why I feel so anxious and ill about it and there are a few things: some people I don't know that well and don't want them in my private space (I'm aware this sounds stupid), some people were like ooh you have to invite x and can I bring x, so i have creeping up to 20 people now. I also am very house proud and there are so many unfinished bits in the house that I want to do beforehand but am currently working 55 hour weeks and too exhausted to do anything.

I really want to cancel it but am embarrassed to as have no good reason I could share why and I know people will be dissappointed. It it creeps closer I think I will get more and more anxious and stressed about it.

I've been trying ot reason with myself the last two weeks saying it will be fine etc. and step out comfort zone etc, but I've got to the point where I feel I just need to cancel

AIBU

I understand how you feel - I'd be anxious and uncomfortable too. I don't like mixing work and personal life tbh but I know not everyone feels like that.

I thought patties still weren't allowed (in the UK at least)? Isn't it only up to 6 households can mix? Could that give you an excuse to cancel. Or just say you've had a continuous cough for a few days and don't want to risk it...

Well, you’ll know with anxiety that avoiding the things that make you anxious is the worst thing to do because it just reinforces the scariness of the thing you were anxious about.

So that’s a reason to go ahead.

Can you get people from work to help? Are there a couple you’re close to who’d help get the house ready, ask people to bring food etc?

People really won’t care what your house is like. They’ll just be interested in booze, food and chat.

Having said that, if you really feel you can’t go through with it, cancel and blame Covid. (I don’t know if a gathering like this is allowed under the rules anyway, because I’m not in the UK at the moment)

Are you within the government guidelines for attendees?

In terms of a party I’m assuming it’s outdoor only, so you only need give access to a toilet (ideally a downstairs one) so you can definitely limit people seeing most of your space.

Which area of the UK are you in? Can you use rising Covid cases and the need to be careful as an excuse? (I don't think you are allowed a party either at the moment.....although someone on a local fb group was looking for a hall for 30 people so maybe I'm wrong....)

If you're in the UK then this is not permitted

If you’re in the UK, you can’t do this under the current regulations. 20 people inside a house????

Where do you live? Because in many places the Covid guidelines wouldn't permit this.

There's nothing to stop you saying 'for personal reasons I unfortunately need to cancel the event. We can arrange it at xyz place or do x instead'

Which is worse? Cancelling or going ahead?

You sound exactly like me! I agree to social things as I know it will be fun but as they approach I become so anxious, I now force myself to go through with it and im always glad I did.
I get what you mean about needing alone time to recharge, tell yourself you'll enjoy the party then the weekend after you can have a full weekend of alone time.
Please don't make up an excuse to cancel, there's no need to lie. If numbers are becoming too much though don't be afraid to limit them to the original guests.

I thought it was up to 30 people ok

Please check the guidance here.

30 people in your house is not allowed currently.

www.gov.uk/guidance/meeting-people-from-outside-your-household-from-4-july

Current rules are here

Yep, this isn’t allowed. And how awful if your party caused a Covid spike at work. So postpone it, please.

Thanks, i had misunderstood this

Sorted, and I don't need to feel bad. Ideal!

Though 70% still say I'm being unreasonable......

@SwearsBySomething

Sorted, and I don't need to feel bad. Ideal!

Honestly, many otherwise not-usually-anxious people are feeling anxiety around social stuff this year so don’t feel bad about it.

It’s the 70% saying unreasonable who are causing outbreaks.

I think the relevant bit the OP is thinking of is “Gathering in larger groups” - You can also meet in larger groups for weddings, funerals, religious ceremonies and services, community activities and support groups - which should be limited to no more than 30 people and subject to COVID-19 secure guidelines.

Work parties aren’t in those categories unfortunately / fortunately for you!

I said you were being unreasonable - to have organised a party in such a breach of the rules and to have let it go on and on without sorting it out. Not because I thought you should have the party. I suspect many others voted that way too. Glad it is sorted now.