How did you feel when your dc left home?

[ILikeGlitter]

My dc are all under 10 but the thought of them leaving home really upsets me. I know it won't happen for a good few years yet but I still can't stop thinking about it as time is ticking.

Does it get easier as they get older and you realize they are actually very independent? Or will I always feel sadness at the thought of them leaving?

I know it's a normal thing to do and if they were still living with me well into adulthood I would probably feel more sadness for them then me.

So how did you feel when your dc left home? Was it different for each child? Was it worse when the youngest left?

I have two DC now in their mid to late twenties. In my experience I found it more difficult when the younger one left to go to university some distance from home. By that stage our eldest had graduated and was living independently, so we had got used to being just the three of us at home. When the youngest left it was sad but we also knew if was an inevitable part of family life that the kids grow up and need to move on to independence. They are both happily independent and doing well in their lives, and we enjoy reconnecting as often as we can. I think sometimes anticipating how you might feel before something happens can be a bit intense and the reality is often not as bad as you fear - sure it will feel strange and a bit sad, but I believe we humans are pretty adaptable, and just as you have to adapt when babies arrive, so we also have the capacity to adjust when they grow up. It will be fine, OP, just enjoy them while you have them at home and look forward to seeing what they make of their adult selves when it - inevitably - happens.

Wish I could find out! Eldest went to Uni but has now bounced back just as youngest is off to Uni. I predict she will probably return after her degree too . This seems to be the way for most of my friends with similar age children They can’t afford to buy houses rents are extortionate most are returning home after Uni (in my circle of friends anyway)

I couldn’t have imagined it when mine were 10 either but they gradually become more independent and pull away from you so by the time they leave it’s a natural step. That’s not to say I didn’t sob when the oldest left to go to uni - I was bereft for a week but I love that they’ve made a new independent life and I feel I’ll be more prepared when it comes to the others getting to that point

Mine are early 20s and both went to university. I loved them going away! They were confident and independent. I much preferred the teenage years to pre teens.
Lovely to have them home for a weekend or the holidays, but equally nice to wave them.off again.
We now live 300 miles away from each other which suits us all.
I never lived near my parents after 18....always a couple of hours away.

I'm dreading it a bit! DS1 is almost 17 and I've really enjoyed his teen years , he's become a real "friend" as well as my son so I'll really miss him. Obviously if it all goes downhill between now and then I might change my mind..!

My ds went to uni in our city, and l was fine with that.

Then he went to London for 2 years. That was tough, l was very upset for quite a long time.

But then he came back, and doesn’t like London much.

I threw a party to celebrate. 🎉

I've got another year but when I asked my friend she said it was actually quite nice! Chance for her and DH to think about themselves for a change.

I've just this morning waved goodbye to DSD1 as DH is driving her and a car full of stuff off to her new life. It feels sad and rather quiet - though we still have other teens in the house. She did kind of leave home 5 years ago, but with a 4 year degree and gap year not going to plan due to Covid she's been back and forth a lot. University does make it more gradual in a way if they're back lots in the holidays. DSD2 has been back home almost half the time, though DDS1 came home very little after he started uni.

My own DS has not gone to uni and has stayed local. He's recently moved out but is just down the road. He's been coming round for dinner once a week and that's been lovely. I've never had family live close by in past and and really enjoying it now. I'm not getting much one to one time with him any more though so will probably try to fix something up for that in the next few months (maybe a walking weekend as we both like walking)

As a pp has said, they do gradually form their own lives so it's not as sudden as if you were to pack them off to boarding school at the age of 10.

I can't comment on what the empty nest feels like yet though as we still have DSS2 and DD - both 17 - so that will be a bit of a bump next year!

I will be proud. I want my children to be strong, independent and capable. I don’t want them to feel guilty or like Mama will go to bits if they leave and try to hang on to them for her own selfish ends. They will always be welcome home but when they leave to make their own lives, I will be so proud of them.

Phew! At last!

Not sure why I said ‘them’, I’ve only got one. 😆

My older three have left home, I cried when the first went, was ok when the second went and positively joyful when the third went tbh. It seems it got easier with practise. It was time for them to strike out on their own and I was ready to see them go. I haven't really missed them tbh but they visit regularly and text me every day. My younger two (25 and 17) have autism so suspect when they eventually leave it will be less straight forward and more heart wrenching though.

My eldest left 3 years ago, 2 years after leaving school. It was an enormous relief, not because we don't get on or because she irritates me, but simply because she has had such an array of health issues that I had worried for many years about her ever being able to live independently. She left to do the training she'd dreamt of in the place she'd dreamt of living in: I was bursting with pride and excitement!
I don't feel as if I'd lost her, we're still close, but now is the time to focus more on my career and my interests. I don't expect her to come back, she'd rather work all hours of the day and go hungry than return here.

My youngest, aged 20, is still living at home: he doesn't earn enough to move out. He does very much live here as an independent adult, though: he is pleasant and polite but keeps to himself a lot of the time. I'll miss him when he goes, but expect to see him around. He'll probably be amenable to the idea of a regular Sunday roast, at least until he gets a family of his own.

@Winterwoollies

I will be proud. I want my children to be strong, independent and capable. I don’t want them to feel guilty or like Mama will go to bits if they leave and try to hang on to them for her own selfish ends. They will always be welcome home but when they leave to make their own lives, I will be so proud of them.

I hope when the time comes i will feel like this too. I just can't imagine them all not being here. I think having them all home during lockdown has been so full on and hectic, I can't imagine what the silence would be like.

I was gutted and it happened in such an odd way....

My DS had been with his girlfriend for a few years. They were both at Uni and he lived with us, she with her parents. He was left money from my late parents and it was just enough to enable him to buy a very small but brand new one-bedroomed flat. He got a small discount on it as he had contacts with the developers during his Uni placement year.

It was exciting watching them plan their Ikea furniture purchases etc. and take them to what was to be their home together - although no date for moving in had been arranged. Then one evening he got some more stuff from his bedroom and said 'We're off then.' He and his girlfriend then drove off to their first night in the new flat together - and I hadn't known beforehand. It was awful... I felt so empty.

But I think in hindsight probably better than me knowing and weeping buckets!

Sad but immensely proud. After years of chronic illness, surgeries and delaying going to uni I dropped DS off ready to enjoy all of the better days I promised him without being able to keep that promise. The day before DS left I heard the song Blackbird by The Beatles and sobbed and still do..but he has definitely learned to fly and dance and party and fall in love with life....long may it continue.

You and me both, Meg.

I always used to get so upset over that ABBA song Slipping Through My Fingers, because it was about an experience I would never have: the little girl carelessly growing more independent year by year. Every small step forward my little girl made came at such a hideous cost.

But the pride and achievement is all the greater. Dd acknowledged that she had a lot of learning to do very quickly as she'd missed out on so much of her teenage years through illness, but I am so proud of the adult she has grown into!

IAmMaz looking back, do you think it's possible you were in denial?

I mean, he'd bought a flat...it was pretty likely he'd move into it bless your heart.x

Dd1 left home at 19 to go to university.
DH and I went on holiday for a month the following week.
I was 34 at the time and finally ready to live my own life and travel.
Dd2's surprise arrival 🤣🤣🤣 put a stop to any plans we had.

@IamMaz I think my mum felt similar to you. I didn't leave home til my first dc was born. I went into labour 3 weeks before my planned due date and two days later I'd moved to be with my boyfriend. I was quite young at the time and my mum worried about me a lot. She was very upset when I left even though she knew it was coming for about 7 months.

@FortunesFave

I knew the move was imminent but neither had mentioned exactly when! I wasn't in denial - just surprised it suddenly happened off the cuff, so to speak. I was expecting a proper send off for him - but there was nothing!!! I had my PJs on that evening so didn't even manage to go outside to wave them off...

18 months later they split up! He now has bought a second flat and the original is rented out. His new girlfriend is a nurse.

I had a lot of hassle (understatement) with the teenage years so honestly I was relieved when they left. We all needed the space and they grew up fast and started making sensible choices. I did worry a bit at first but actually feel very proud of how they now manage as independent adults. I have only had to bail one out once by buying a food shop. I feel like I have the best of both worlds now. I see them all regularly and we get on well again and do nice things together and it's lovely to see them flourish yet we have our own lives/homes too. There is even talk of a family holiday next year.

As a parent and grandparent carer, I was okay dropping the children off at their new lives at Uni so to speak, but it was their empty quiet bedrooms in the evening that upset me. Each time. I felt guilty that I had not spent enough time with them at drop off. I felt I ought to leave them asap because it is embarassing with parents hanging around.

My gs1 had court ordered contact with his dad, who was a violent thug, eow with his paternal grandparents. I can't describe seeing his empty bed the first time. Many years on, he cut all contact with them. He says forced contact was unbearable. Whilst there were some good times, the majority were not happy times. I wish courts could see the impact upon children caught up in the one size fits all system.

We dropped our DD off at uni earlier today. It hit me like a tidal wave yesterday and I had a feeling of time having run out. She is the eldest of our 5 DC, so I was thinking in terms of days out, family holidays etc. Had a big cry and have been ok-ish today until now, I think because it's getting dark and I won't be able to check her bed to make sure she's home safely. It's like a gnawing pain in my heart. That said, I am immensely proud of her, I just wish I could keep us all together forever.