Lost my temper and was a bit rough with toddler.. Feel awful

[LeftMyOtherUsernameAtHome]

Hey, name changed for this as I'm so ashamed

So, DD is 18 months and in the midst of the dreaded sleep regression. Currently it takes an absolute age to get her to sleep. Tonight she was really fighting it, I'd been trying to get her to sleep since 7pm and it was 10pm at this point. She would whinge and rub her eyes like she was tired and start falling asleep, but when I tried to pick her up and put her into her cot she would instantly wake up and start wriggling and thrashing around like a crocodile and wanting to be put down, same for when I was trying to rock her.

After three hours of this I admit I was at the end of my tether. When I picked her up and she started wriggling and kicking her legs again I had a flash of temper. I pinned her legs to me so she couldn't move and almost squeezed her with my arms. Not really really hard but enough that I felt bad about it and as soon as I realised I was doing it I released my grip and asked my partner to take over so I could take a breather.

She's fine, she's asleep now and she was actually smiling as I handed her to my partner, so I didn't hurt her. But I still feel awful because for that split second I was really really cross! I've never hit her and never would, and I keep telling myself I've used greater force when trying to maneuver her into her car seat during a tantrum, but I feel like the worst mum in the world for getting so cross when she wasn't deliberately trying to annoy me.

Feeling like a really crap mum at the moment

It may be time to drop one of her naps, if she still naps/has more than one nap. Mine was only napping once at that age. Whenever she became difficult to get to sleep at night it was always simply because she wasn’t tired enough.

Or put her to bed later? Mine went to bed around 10pm at that age, as she just wouldn’t sleep any earlier! She goes to bed earlier now she doesn’t nap. Just go with it; life is so much easier.

This is normal. Most have done it if they're honest.

When dd was a baby and one might she would not sleep and kept crying and I could not work out why. I put her in the car and drove round and round until she was asleep. Then carried her car seat in and put her in cot.

Why were you doing this unsupported for three hours? Where was your DH?

Please don't worry, OP. You're fine.

Don’t worry about last night at all. I’m sure everyone has had a point where the children have nearly broken them. I’m not sure though that they way you’ve responded to the sleep regression is the most helpful for you. Offering her the chance to play etc is potentially a bit confusing. I’ve found with my 17m old she’ll get a second wind on the days she really tired and be a bit of a pain before bed (lots of energy etc) but she’s just learnt to play for a bit in her cot to unwind. I’m sure it’s around this age that I started leaving a book in my eldest’s cot.

The habits you get into now may well stick for a while and you have to have an eye to when you can’t contain them within 4 bars of a cot.

Oh op I know the feeling. I snapped once and shouted at my toddler. I still remember her stunned face. Then she started crying silently :(

It's a horrible feeling but you're only human and you're doing your best.

You are making it too hard for you self. What you 'did' to your kid is nothing. Weve all been there.

But stop trying to get her to sleep outside the cot and then put her back sleeping

Put her in awake. And let her cry. She is 18 months she can cry for a bit. She is in a safe environment and is only crying because she doesnt want to and by you then taking her out again you are just maintaining the problem. Stop doing that to yourself.

I know this is an old thread but I just did the same with my almost 14 month old as he was fighting his nap when very sleepy. I felt terrible and all in tears. Reading this thread especially the post by @flatulencebythebucket really helped me feel a lot better. Thank you to all you mummies for rallying around. God when they fight with all their small bodily might and cry loudly, it's so triggering.

I was going to say this too.

Stick to the bed routine. Even if she won't sleep just stand in the dark in the bedroom. Don't give in and come down to the living room, you need to stick to the routine.

Good luck x