New home, might hate it

[FindingNeverland1]

Not really an AIBU because I already know I am.

Moved out of the city and in to a bigger, 'nicer' house. Great schools and community for the kids, more space etc etc blah blah

But it smells funny and feels uncomfortable. The house that is. I don't feel comfortable in the kitchen at all. Barely eaten anything from it in the 2 weeks I've been here. I hate the feel of the cupboard handles and the position of everything. Want to rip it out but realistically it's probably fine and has some life still left in it. Bathrooms too, can't stand it - feels so previously used and worn in. The whole place smells like other people, I can't relax.

Any advice on how long it takes to get used to being in a new home?

Tell us a bit more about the house......is it old or new build?
Is it anything like the old house you were in??

Have you moved much before? Have you have trouble settling in before?

Cleaning with white vinegar will help with smells.

You can always get new handles to tide you over

If they left the curtains then they might be harbouring their smell. If you can wash any soft furnishings in your usual washing powder that might help. Can you change the handles in the kitchen at all?

It takes a lot longer than 2 weeks to settle in a new house. It took me months but I love it now. It feels like mine.

Are you renting or did you buy? We've moved due to landlords selling, rent going up etc a lot, and it usually takes a bit longer, so when all your stuff is in etc but saying that it probably takes something like Christmas to tell you whether you truly hate a house. It sounds strange but if you can't feel at home there at a time when everything's festive thinking it says something. I think if you get to next year and you can't stand it, then reconsider. People might say I'm mad saying that, but it is soul destroying living in a house that you hate.

And you're never being unreasonable in this respect because you cant help it. It's like someone presenting you with the perfect partner and asking how you dont find them perfect. There's no rationale behind these things sometimes, but we have our gut for a reason!!

Give it time and try putting your own stamp on it!
I felt really uncomfortable when I first moved in to my house and it took about 6 weeks (plus painting and redecorating) before it felt like mine. Now I love it!

When we moved house I hated the smell of it, turned my stomach. DH couldn't smell anything. Turned out I was pregnant and had that super sensitive nose you get and morning sickness!

You just need to settle in!

Honestly?

I’ve been here since last May and it still smells weird.

I did the kitchen and it’s mine; I sit here at nights(big room with a sofa too).

Il get round the rest but it won’t be mine till it’s mine BUT the house suits my lifestyle and it’s ok. It’s a bit like air b n b at times though.

Can you get a professional clean done to get rid of other people smells and make sure everything is sparkling? Presuming you own rather than rent then changing kitchen handles is a pretty easy job you could probably do yourself, ditto painting, new soft furnishings - small changes just to make it feel like yours will go a long way. But I do think it takes time and you’re not being unreasonable at all; I’ve never felt like a place is mine until I’ve redone every room!

It isn't new build but feels fairly new to me. It is 1940s. My previous homes have been Victorian so the lay out and (lack of) features does feel different.

I don't think new cupboard door handles would work, might leave a mark where they have been that's hard to cover - but may give it a go anyway.

It is a house that has had a lot of DIY done to it by previous owners! Looks fine from a distance but on closer inspection... not so great

Do you have the previous owners' carpets? My house didn't smell right until I had the carpets ripped out - not that they were dirty, but they smelled of 'other people.' I remember the first time I came into the house after they'd gone - and it was instantaneously a different place. Does make me wonder if it now smells of me to other people!

Maybe space clearing is what you need.
Its basically claiming a space as your own by acknowledging the spaces in the house as yours. Touching each wall and surface to put your mark on it as it were.
You can do that simply with a damp cloth in your hand as you clean your way through the house or go full ritual with burning sage. Personally I dont think it matters how deeply you do this as claiming the space as your own is the object of the exercise.

moving house is up there among the highest tress experiences along with divorce and bereavement. That's why you can't settle yet.

Give it time.

Maybe the house is haunted?
Only half joking.

People do leave their mark on the space they inhabit, and I think as social animals, we can sense it (smell probably contributes to it, but also, the empty space people leave behind, like a footprint, or a dent in the mattress. Even with hard furnishing, the "paw prints" of the previous occupiers are all over the place: the shape of the handles, the height of the cupboards, the location of each unit, ...)
That's probably the main cause of your current discomfort. Psychological, but very real, since it's rooted in something physical, even if it's hard to pinpoint.

I think moving in is a bit like breaking new shoes. It does take time to make the space yours. Before considering lots of DIY and redecorating, maybe try simpler ways to reclaim the space: hang new curtains, add pictures on the walls, put some flowers in a vase, add a few cushions... Select a few favourite objects of yours, and turn them into the room's center piece. Light a few scented candles with your favourite fragrance, and have a massive bubble bath in your brand new bathroom. Make cup of your favourite hot drink, put on some music, and enjoy a nice sit down in your brand new kitchen. Take ownership of the place by treating yourself with your favourite things, in the places you currently dislike the most.

There may be material issues with your new place that will need fixing, but it will be easier to spot them after getting rid of the "moving in" emotional baggage.

Oh God this was me. We moved into our place in February and for months I felt like I’d made a huge mistake, in fact in the first few weeks I felt quite depressed about it. I think this was partly because the move has been very fraught, and the vendors unpleasant, I felt it was still their house. They ripped out all the carpets so we had to redecorate and recarpet, so that helped. I feel like I’m getting there with time. It doesn’t quite feel like home, but I don’t hate it.

Have decided to have the kitchen and bathrooms deep cleaned this week. The rest of the house I can manage myself. I think the smell is partly old cigarette smoke and their use of lino flooring has retained the smell. I have re-done the upstairs carpets but thinking downstairs might need doing too. Possibly going for wood to give it all a completely different vibe.
Expensive. Wish i'd thought more about this and maybe been fussier when choosing a house.

Appreciate the advice.

old cigarette smoke

Unfortunately we had to repaint everything before it fully went.