To ask how you balance your life. housework, work?

[anxiouswaiting]

Feel like I am failing miserably at the moment. My house is always messy, it seems to never end. I constantly have piles of washing, a massive to do list and don;t get time to clean nearly as much as I would like. Dinner is often much later than I would like or I end up getting a takeaway as I seem to run out of time

I don't feel like I have any down time, only time I get to read is once a week when I allow myself a 30 min bath ( obviously I shower other days, but it is a quick in and out). Feel like I have no time for hobbies as something always needs to be done.

I work out of the home as an employee 2 days a week as well as about 20 hours which I fit in evenings and weekends self-employed. I have a toddler mas well as 2 teens ( the teens are shared custody so not always here making mess etc, so can't blame them).

I am unmotivated and disorganised. I need to know what the secret is. Do you have schedules for cleaning your house, are you minimalist? I need ideas on what I can do to make things easier and free up some time for myself. Feel like I am surrounded by chaos and it is making me anxious and stressed.

PLEASE tell me how you do it!

Sorry to hear you’re having a tricky time! It sounds like you have a lot on.

I make To do lists (different ones for housework, life admin etc) and set reminders on my phone. I find it helps structure what I need to do and keep track of everything, and feels good when I tick things off.

Could you ask your teens to help out here and there? I know they’re only there part of the time but even small jobs might help.

Or do you have any spare cash for a cleaner, even if they only do a few hours a week/fortnight to help keep on top of things?

But also I think it’s about managing your expectations. Sometimes, or a lot of time, you won’t get everything done. That’s ok! Sometimes I just push myself to do 2 or 3 tasks on my lists and park it, because I need the downtime. You need to allow yourself to switch off and not feel guilty. It doesn’t mean leaving out half eaten dinner on your plate, but maybe you could leave the hoovering to tomorrow or sack off dusting until later in the week. Maybe you could just throw on one load of washing.

I think the ‘secret’ is that most people have a cleaner, or get help in other ways from partners etc. You are managing a household by yourself! All while working and parenting. That’s a big undertaking, no wonder you feel overwhelmed. Be kind to yourself, you’re a one woman band and there’s only so many hours in a day.

My teens aren't too bad, the eldest will help when asked, the younger there is more huffing and a tendency to do things badly so I don;t ask again. I probably could get them to do more though.

I wish we could have a cleaner, I just don't have the money available. We did have one for a few months after I had my youngest but she damaged something and lied about it so she had to go, plus she always used to to say she didn't know why we had a cleaner because it was never really dirty - this was fortnightly cleans and all we could afford, but obviously over that 2 weeks I had to do some cleaning or it would get grim. Felt like she was just wiping over the surfaces.

I think one of my biggest worries is that my house never seems to be visitor ready. 9/10 if someone were to turn up I would feel ashamed to let them in, I think that is a big part of where the anxiety comes from.

Your list method might be useful for me though @Sparklesocks as right now I do write lists, but they seem so overwhelming as I am trying to do everything on them rather than just focusing on getting a few bits done.

I just have low standards!! I work 12 to 14 hour days (self employed) DH does cooking i do washing we split the cleaning between us but we really don’t do much at all. Life is too short. I have no downtime during the week but all weekend and all school holidays off make up for it. I won’t be spending that time cleaning 😀 I highly recommend lowering your standards and avoiding guests!!

Hold on, how much childcare do you have for the toddler? If you're trying to look after toddler during the day and fit 3 days worth of work in around that no wonder you don't have time for housework! (Covid an exception) I have childcare while I work then do chores in the evenings and weekends.

Cut yourself some slack, meal plan and bulk cook and use a slow cooker, perhaps get a cleaner or more time at childcare?

Fly lady is a popular cleaning method as is unfuck your habitat. Can't help though, my house is a hovel apart from an hour after the cleaner has been.

On lists I find Trello helpful, download the app and set up a cleaning board. Then have one for daily weekly monthly etc chores. And one blank for what you're doing that day/session. Check the lists and write your list for that day, don't try to do too much.

No help, o work 38.5hrs with a baby and my house is a tip!

Do you have childcare for 5 days ? At the moment you are working full time and it sounds like you only have childcare for 2 day.

@anxiouswaiting if you like lists but find them overwhelming, put a couple of easy ones on there like brush my teeth, or something you’ve already done that day such as unload dishwasher so you can immediately cross them off. I find that gives me a buzz and makes my list seem less frightening as I’ve already crossed some off!

The other thing I do for my lists is break the tasks down, so instead of tidy house I’ll have dust bedroom, Hoover bedroom etc. Takes longer to write, but means I get to cross something off faster which motivates me to keep going as it’s an easy goal in my to achieve.

Where do your guests go if you have someone pop by unexpectedly? You could try just staying completely on top of that one zone and being more relaxed about everywhere else?

I need to practice what I preach, my house is not a show home in the slightest! It is at a level where I’m sort of comfortable having visitors turn up

Op, you aren’t the only one. I‘m a Lp, work full time (normally), I have a ds, I do school run.

Dinner is often late, rooms aren’t perfect. Hoovering gets done at the weekend, that’s normal.

I work on the basis the kitchen & loos need to be clean for good health. The rest gets done when I have time..

I hoover early on Saturday mornings & wash the kitchen & bathroom floors, while the washing is on. Ironing gets done (mostly) on a Sunday night.
I do quick bits like unload the dishwasher while waiting for the first kettle to boil in the morning.

My ds doesn’t mind. If he wants perfection, he know where the hoover lives. And my water bill is a lot less than some with all that endless washing of windows and cars

Getting off Mumsnet would help. I wish there was a lock - it's such a timewaster. I'm supposed to be working now!

It’s really hard OP. Really really hard.

I have more free time than you I think but I just make bad choices about what to do with it - instead of putting a basket of washing away or washing some dishes I’ll just sit and scroll on my phone or watch tv. I don’t prioritise correctly.

I know how much our chaotic house affects my life, I’m often rushing because I can’t find what I need, I’ll suddenly discover I have nothing to wear because I’ve not done any washing etc.

The once or twice I have managed to get on top of it it’s changed my life massively. I get to a point where everything is done and I can sit down and watch tv and actually enjoy it, not feel guilty about what needs done.

If you haven’t tried it already TOMM is amazing. She does a week long boot camp to get you to a good starting point then it’s just 30 mins a day and your house is fully tidy all of the time. It’s fantastic. I can’t recommend it enough.

I know people who have got on well with fly lady or the organised mum method.
My house is never quite as good as I’d like it (disabled mum of two teens, home educating the youngest) but I try to do the dishes daily, a load of laundry most days, plus one other daily chore (two if I don’t put a wash on) such as hoover carpets, mop bathroom or do a pile of ironing. I delegate some jobs to the dc, and the others I try to separate into non-negotiables versus nice but not strictly necessary. I cook most nights, but have got into the habit of cooking double some days so it makes two meals, and ordering in one night a week during lockdown (it just takes the pressure off a bit).

I’ve moved house and I’ve got a 3 month old baby and it is taking baby step to get to a clean and organised house. As part of the house move and still after moving I have been taking van loads of shit to the tip. 20 year old university books a have gone, random glasses in the cupboard have gone, tubs without lids have gone, etc.

In my mind is less stuff in the house = less stuff to clean and tidy (and hopefully quicker to clean and tidy)

Also if you never fee guest ready could you focus on the areas your guest would see. For me that would be downstairs as the guests would only be in the living room, (possibly) the kitchen/diner and they would downstairs bathroom, and the hallway. Therefore it could be a shit tip upstairs and no one would know!

Hey @anxiouswaiting , I am not perfect, but after some trial and error, here are a few of the things that keep me on top of things:

1. I worked out what rooms needed to be kept “visitor ready” - a big open kitchen/lounge/dining, the hallway to lead them in and the visitors bathroom. Then I massively decluttered those rooms, and found storage solutions for unavoidable clutter (eg the pile of books and pens and magazines next to the lounge can be wiped off into a nice basket that fits neatly u der the coffee table. Every night before bed, I quickly look over these rooms and put anything out of place back in place. This takes no time, as I am doing it every day so no mess builds up and as I have decluttered and given everything a place it’s easy to put things back in that place. Be ruthless with decluttering what doesn’t belong in these rooms!

2. on Saturday morning I have a list of house maintenance chores (including cleaning) which I know takes about 3 hours. It’s in the notes section of my phone and I tick them off as I go. They all ‘make sense’ and are in order, ie ‘strip bed and put sheets washing on’, then there are about 5 other jobs, including remaking the beds, then ‘hang washing out’ etc. I line up a good podcast or a good audio book, put my headphones in and switch my brain to autopilot and just do it. If the book or podcast is good I have been known to find more cleaning jobs to do, so I get to keep listening to it when the times up!

3. make life easier where I can. I got a robot vacuum as I hate vacuuming. Putting it on and having it go whilst I am also cleaning (and the washing machine is on) makes me feel like I am accomplishing a lot (or 3 times as much), which is motivating.

4)work out how often you need to do things. Some things on my list only need to be done once/month, some things need to be done every week. If you aren’t cleaning regularly you just see all the jobs and it looks over whelming. But if you are doing some every week, with the others on a schedule for every fortnight or month, it cuts down cleaning time, but still means things look good.

5. if I do my whole list, I buy myself a chocolate bar for after dinner one night during the week. If I don’t, no treat. Very motivating!

The biggest one here is number one. The focus on the main rooms that worry you (guest ones), decluttering, finding a “home” for everything already in the rooms and tidying for 2 mins every night (it literally is 2 mins, as it is every night), is fantastic. I also do it in my bedroom when I leave it in the morning - 2 mins to make the bed, fold any clothes away, pick up the lipstick that fell to the ground etc. whenever I enter my room at night I feel so calm as it looks calm and not like a visual “to-do” list as I look around.

Good luck!

I use a bullet journal, which I find amazingly useful for organising my life, but sadly it can't actually force me to do housework! There is only one reason my house isn't as clean and tidy as I'd like: I am essentially pretty lazy and would rather be doing something else! I did recently buy a robot vacuum cleaner though - that helps because it can hoover while I'm doing another task.

I think having a routine of tasks that need doing daily and others that can be done weekly helps me. I work full time and also have teens.

So daily would be clearing up after meals and cleaning work surfaces/hob/empty bin if needed. Load of laundry on first thing then hung up.

Weekly would be hoovering and giving the bathroom a good clean. The loo may need a wipe over in between that. I know some people Hoover every day but I am happy if my house is cleaned once a week. I think that's enough.

I put reminders on my phone for admin tasks/school stuff etc. And try and do a couple of these every other day.

My main tip is to have one day off a week if that's possible. I work 4 long days and have one day off. I do the housework and shopping in the morning and that leaves me the afternoon free to meet a friend/go for a walk/chill out at home. I know you have a toddler but is it possible to use childcare for any of the week?

Good luck, it does all seem never ending sometimes, it's finding a routine that works for your family.

Just to add to the above “3 hours Saturday morning” thing. I got the idea from my sister, who used to clean then as her DH worked Sat mornings, so it meant they had the rest of the weekend together without chores. She found the deadline motivating.

So I tried it, scheduling in brunch with friends when I was single, and then grocery shopping or something else when I had a family.

I just found it motivated me to do the list when I knew I only had that 3 hour window, and after that I had no more chances for the week. If I knew I could do it anytime that day, I’d procrastinate and waste the whole day pottering, not really doing it, but not doing anything I wanted too, either.

Now, I aim to start at 8am, finish at 11am at which point I go grocery shopping to fill my (clean!) fridge, and need to be back to have groceries unpacked and lunch on the table by 1pm. At which point I know all weekend house chores are done, and it’s DP’s job to get dinner on Saturday nights

You aren’t failing OP. There aren’t enough hours in the day to do it all without some sort of help. Sometimes something has to slide a little bit.

I work full time over 4 days. DH is full time over 5 and we have DD(3) who is in nursery my 4 work days. There are times when it’s all a bit much but in general I’ve found we’ve got a balance most of the time. My tips are:

1. Drop your standards. I aim for not being absolutely mortified if someone pops in, tidy enough so that we can be fairly organised and the house functions, and clean enough to be hygienic.

2. Declutter (and stop buying more shit once you have). It’s life changing. It won’t happen overnight though. Do it in little bursts when you’re in the mood to do it. A drawer, a section of your wardrobe, a corner of a room.

3. some sort of system for housework. I like Flylady, but whichever one you choose you’ll probably need to adapt a bit to suit your own life. Don’t try and follow it rigidly because you’ll only feel disheartened when you ‘fail’

4. on days when you’re out at work aim for the bare minimum. For me thats a load of laundry in in the morning (and hung out if it’s nice), a 2 minute wipe of the loo and sink, my bed made. Once I get home the laundry is brought in or hung up/in dryer if I didn’t do it in the morning. Dishes and kitchen are done before bed and I spend a minute straightening the living room and hallway before bed.

5. have set times for housework, downtime, time with the DC etc. I do an hours housework on my week day off and an hour first thing on Saturday morning (this has to be in little bursts in between entertaining DD if DH isn’t around). Saturday afternoons are family time. Sunday I spend a bit of time getting organised for the week ahead - packing nursery bag, meal planning etc. We have one weekend day a month which is designated ‘get shit done’ day - DIY etc. Then we feel no guilt for leaving other jobs until the following month.

6. to do list wise I have a monthly and weekly list. I find this takes the pressure off if I’m having an off day, and I’m more likely to get at least the important bits done.

DH does most of the cooking so I’m in an easier position than you food wise. Slow cooker, batch cooking, frozen veg and not feeling bad for the odd beans on toast meal all help.

Teens should definitely be helping you. Could you give the less helpful one the choice between helping with housework or entertaining the toddler for an hour so you can crack on?

You’ve got lots on your plate so go easy on yourself!

I used to be very unorganised, slowly reforming my habits, my tips are...

1. have a full declutter of the house, schedule in your calendar when you will have a few hours to actually go through everything in one room and either throw away or donate what you no longer want. Once you've decided what you're keeping, decide where it will "live" (everything in it's place and all that), and buy new storage if needed. If you don't do this, then you'll find you're just moving mess around. Have a look at Marie Kondo for tips about decluttering.

2. Once you've decluttered, get into the habit of cleaning little and often, otherwise it builds back up again. The organised mum Method is good for this, you have to pay £4.99 for the app but the website is free. She says clean for 30 minutes a day, but I do more like 10 minutes in the morning and 5/10 minutes in the evening.

3. If you ever feel overwhelmed, set a timer for 10 minutes and tell yourself you will stop after that. Put some motivational music on, and off you go. It's surprising how much difference you can make in 10 minutes!

Just to add, I read about "habit stacking or linking", and found it helpful to get into the habit of cleaning without really thinking about it. It's where you add a new habit onto one that you already do.

So for example, after I brush my teeth in the evening, I quickly wipe around the sink and loo, and chuck some bleach down the loo every couple of days.

When I get a drink of water to take to bed with me last thing, I quickly wipe down the worktops.

When I put the kettle on to boil first thing in the morning, I go over the kitchen floor and a bit of the living room with the cordless hoover.

These jobs all take about 1 or 2 minutes, but make a difference and I do them pretty much without thinking now.

Thank you for everyones replies and sorry for disappearing, haven;t had a chance to get on here!

Thank you so much for all the ideas - I am going to look into FlyLady, Trello, Marie Kondo etc

Yes I have 2 days childcare, those are for my days where I go out to work as I know I will need the childcare. The other work is done around the kids - evenings, weekends, nap time. Partly because I can't afford the childcare (looking forward to when he gets 3 year funding!), but also because the work I do self employed comes in at odd times and has quick turn around, no pattern to it so I wouldn't know what days/times I need the childcare because it is always changing.

I think breaking down tasks will probably really help, at the moment it all seems to build up and then I have a huge task of tidying and cleaning EVERYTHING because I have let it all get so bad. I need a routine.

Getting rid of things and not buying more is something I need to work on too. I often feel we have too much stuff, but I also have trouble throwing things away, I think because I was brought up in a home where I was made to feel I don't deserve things, so now I have difficulty parting with what I do have - that's a whole other topic itself though!

Also I think the calm bedroom will be a priority, right now it is basically the dumping ground for when I have to do a mad blitz because someone calls and says they'll be over in 20 minutes. Then it piles up and I look at it and just cant get motivated to do it because it seems like so much.

Perhaps I need to take a bit of annual leave to blitz and then keep on top of it with new habits and routines.

I really appreciate that so many of you have been honest and said you are similar and that I should lower my standards etc. I think part of the problem is i have several friends and family who practically have show homes and I feel I have to be up to their standards - I know several of them enjoy cleaning though, like a hobby and also their whole circumstances are different to mine.

Now then, just need to find some time to look up these methods

I recommend lowering your standards with food by reducing meals to simple, easy elements.

When life is tough I use a steamer pan to boil potatoes, and steam veg and fish or chicken. A full balanced meal ready in twenty minutes or less with no intervention needed. I use those twenty minutes to whizz around doing the essential tidying up. So in twenty minutes the house looks OK and I've prepared an OK meal.

Not exciting cooking and not show home standards, but the mental effort is tiny and the effect on my environment is significant.

I'm a routine oriented person so for me I have everything planned so I can carve time for myself. Both DH and I work full time, me from home and he is split home and on the road atm so it's tough.

Every day both my husband and I spend 30 minutes cleaning or tidying one room each. That way it's not a big mission to clean the house at the weekend. Bathrooms are wiped down daily after bath time and my husband cleans his bathroom after his morning shower before work.

Dinners I batch cook on a Sunday afternoon and so it takes less than 20-30 mins each evening for dinner

Once a week I go out to socialise with friends and the same for DH which counts as 'our time' and once a week we get a baby sitter for date night so we have us time too.

We are strict on bed times, even in holidays to ensure we get enough time to focus on us as possible otherwise I think we would frazzle tbh.

I have a cleaner. She comes for a couple of hours every week and costs just £35. Worth every penny and she changes the bed sheets as well as cleaning the bathrooms, kitchen, floors etc.