MIL and finances

[Smillar2020]

My H and I are splitting up for various reasons, mainly due to his alcohol abuse. A few years back I found out his mother had access to our joint bank account and consistently snooped through our finances, often reminding him to pay bills or ask me to transfer x amount of money etc. She also took money out of our account for things she was “owed”. My XH always denied her having access and then I finally got the proof I needed. I want to prosecute for financial abuse - should I give it a go?

I can see why you'd be tempted - but you need proper legal advice to see if you have a hope of making this stick. Can't see that happening if he gave his mother access to the account.

I think it depends on a couple of things.

What do you want to achieve?
Do you want a clean break (insofar as you can when you dismantle a relationship)? Because it might go on for a long time and prevent you from moving on.

It all sounds hideous, I don't blame you for wanting to, but I'm just wondering if in the long run, it'll do you more harm than good?

You need proper legal advice on this. Contact a solicitor to find out your options.

My ex H is determined to ruin my life and not make a clean cut. I guess I want to show him and his MIL that I won’t be taken for a joke and that what they did to me was unforgivable

Jesus Christ that is messed up. No idea if it’ll work OP but the best of luck you. I hope you annihilate them.

Honestly, he has clearly given her access, so you have zero case. Remove yourself from the account by withdrawing your share then ensure your salary etc go elsewhere. Pointless trying to prosecute when she was obviously given access.

If it's a joint account would you be liable in any case brought by the bank for sharing passwords and so forth?

The best thing you can do as the biggest "fuck you" to the pair of them is to go and enjoy the rest of your life away from them.

If you haven't already, set up your own account asap.

Move on. Don't waste any more time on this

Remove funds form the joint account and have the account frozen so they can't run up debts which you will be liable for.

You can't be held liable if your ex is sharing his pass codes. I would certainly get legal advice on the matter.

But find out what the outcome would be and the worse case scenario legal fees if it drags on, and then assess whether you think it is worth fighting.

Also see if you can report her to the police for fraudulently accessing your joint account.

If your XH gave her access then this falls on him. Although its weird/controlling, there's nothing illegal about accessing someone else's account if you've been given the log on details and permission to do so.

Another one saying you can't prosecute. He's shared his details with her and it's a joint account, you're each essentially able to do what you like with the money out of it.

When I was going through a shitty break up with abusive ex I just keep reminding myself that I had no control over his actions but could control my own reaction and I wanted to choose to be calm and dignified in the face of his bullshit

If you haven’t already get your money out of that account and get it frozen.
What she did was wrong, how much did she take that was your money?

On what grounds financial abuse? Could u access the account? Could u take money out? Just because his mum had access thats not abuse

That's awful OP but you'd want to have in mind a clear offence for your threat to carry any weight. Theft would presumably be averted by your MIL and ex confirming she had his consent if it were a joint account. Is there an offence of 'financial abuse' you mentioned in your jurisdiction? There could be an aspect of coercive control through finances in England and Wales but that might need to have been coercive control by your DP not your MIL. In short, it's wrong but I'd be surprised if you'd an action in law. At worst, it might be one for experience unless someone better placed has a clear view of an offence in law. Good luck.

FWIW, living well without him successfully will probably cause more annoyance to them both than anything else.

Good luck.

If you want to show them you 'won't be taken for a joke' you'd presumably need to have a real offence to threaten them with otherwise they'll just taunt you with 'silly Smillar'. If not, you might be better to show them you won't be taken for a joke by being sure of your ground in your divorce negotiations, following through everything you say, not engaging with their taunts then living a successful life.

Get your share of money out. Freeze account ( you will be jointly liable for debts run up on it). Legally probably not actionable as he gave details ( bank involved would probably want to know account compromised though). Legally fighting just this ( if a solicitor even was willing to) could cost any amount. I assume you have legal representation so no harm in telling solicitor what has happened, but seriously this course of action really could do you ( emotionally and cost wise) far more harm than good.

Have to agree with others, I would be surprised if she could be prosecuted if she permission to view and transfer funds by one of the account holders.
If you want to check I would do that with the bank initially rather than get charged by lawyers.