Family dynamics help please

[Anon42245]

Family member let’s call her SUE doesn’t get along with family member ALICE. Now whenever Alice wants to visit I feel stressed out as sue will find out and make me feel guilty and question about the visit etc. I sometimes feel I need to let Sue know Alice is visiting in advance, I don’t know why I should but I feel on edge in case she calls during visit. Alice doesn’t care when Sue visits and doesn’t ask. But sue will ask when last time Alice visited. I don’t drive so they usually come to me but on occasion I have visited Alice in train as she’s closer and direct journey Sue gets annoyed that it would just be one change of train then 3/4 stops to her so I could visit both same day. It’s too stressful now with 3 kids so I just have them visit me. Any advice pls?

You are not angry enough at Sue. She is being an utter cowbag.

@Anon42245 This dynamic is very familiar to me. It is completely my family's dynamic. I used to be complicit in "Sue's" behaviour and get myself in such a state about it j til I realised it was completely ridiculous and emotionally manipulative. There was a much bigger picture for me, which I'm sure there is for you too and I ended up spending a lot of time with a counsellor to untangle the shitty dynamics. It was transactional analysis and I found it very very helpful. Also reading up about emotional immaturity. Sue is extremely emotionally immature. You can enable that (kind of sounds like co-dependence) or you can just reject the dynamic and do not enter! You need to take a big step back and it is hard hard work do maybe consider some therapy and certainly some reading. Take care

I'd tend to say to Sue, I don't talk to Alice about you, and I don't intend to talk to you about Alice. Now, let's talk about you, what have you been up to?