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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws want to break local lockdown to see us

53 replies

twinmummyyeah · 13/08/2020 21:51

Hi I have had the most awful massive argument with my husband over his family plans.
His family want to break their local
Covid lockdown (they are in Blackburn, lancs). They are legally not allowed to see anyone outside their family in a house or garden outside theor bubble even out of the lockdown area but they have planned with my husband to travel 4 hours to us in the south east and stay in a hotel local to us where they want my children to stay too and spend 3 days here going to restaurants etc for my husbands 50th. (They plan to come down 4 days after his birthday anyway)
I said to my husband no what they are doing is illegal risking lots of people and risking the children and me so he will have to delay his birthday. I suggested he book something for November time with all his family instead when they are out of lockdown All hell broke loose with my husband saying he is divorcing me, selling the house etc because I said no. Every time his family are involved if I don’t go along with what they want he goes absolutely mad at me. His defence was “they WANT to come down” I am absolutely furious about it all.
Your thoughts please? Xx

OP posts:
Chloemol · 13/08/2020 23:11

Sorry the key thing here is they are breaking a local lockdown therefore could spread the virus

The rest really is immaterial to me. As to your husband saying he is going to divorce you etc I would simply say that’s great, go ahead, as I will be divorcing you, for unreasonable behaviour in putting your children in danger, and I am likely to win and court case as you have also encouraged your parents to break lockdown and put others in danger as well

I would not be going, and certainly not allowing the kids to stay in a hotel with them

Cherryhill22 · 13/08/2020 23:16

YANBU. As others have said they are breaking the law and risking the futher spread of infection for personal, selfish reasons. What if they infect you or your children? How would they feel then?

On top of this, your husband sounds emotionally manipulative and I would suggest this is something you have to directly address with him. Threatening you when you challenge him is not okay.

CoffeeNeeded2019 · 13/08/2020 23:25

Op you are obviously up against it from all angles but you are not in the wrong, or indeed being unreasonable.
Stick to your guns. Do not allow your children to go to stay in their hotel overnight, there is no need for that.
Meet them outdoors, and try your best to socially distance from them, because that is the guidance.
As for your husband, it sounds like there is more to this than this particular conversation; but If he wants to celebrate as if the current pandemic isn’t happening then he can stay in the hotel with his family
(and it’s such a shame you lost your keys so had to change the locks whilst he’s gone? )

Blackcurrant66 · 13/08/2020 23:30

2 households can meet indoors. If his visiting family comprise of 2 or more households then regardless of local lockdown it’s not within the rules for you all to to a restaurant anyway.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 14/08/2020 00:03

@Blackcurrant66

2 households can meet indoors. If his visiting family comprise of 2 or more households then regardless of local lockdown it’s not within the rules for you all to to a restaurant anyway.
OP's family is for an area subject to additional lockdown rules. They would be breaking the law to meet another family inside, even if they travel outside the lockdown area to meet up.
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 14/08/2020 00:04

*from

Comicstar · 14/08/2020 00:07

So now it is illegal to see family🤔 But you can go the pub, food shopping to a theme park etc... and that's fine because obviously hardly any risk of catching the deadly virus in those places.

PickAChew · 14/08/2020 00:10

Yanbu and ltb.

Porcupineinwaiting · 14/08/2020 00:14

It's not as simple as "am I high risk" @BritWifeinUSA. It's also "do I want to quarantine for up to 6 weeks" (our ds2 had to quarantine for 6 weeks as first one then another of us came down with it - every time he had to start again) or "am I likely to pass it on to anyone else".

Porcupineinwaiting · 14/08/2020 00:16

The reality is @Comicstar that you are more likely to pick up cv at a family gathering than in Tescos. More social distancing and facemasks at Tesco, far less laughing and talking and you dont stay so long.

Comicstar · 14/08/2020 00:24

Well everywhere I've been lately people are packed in like sardines. I can't see a problem seeing family if you are socially distancing and not sitting on each other's laps. I think we have to use common sense as out government clearly has non!

PickAChew · 14/08/2020 00:26

@Comicstar

So now it is illegal to see family🤔 But you can go the pub, food shopping to a theme park etc... and that's fine because obviously hardly any risk of catching the deadly virus in those places.
Yes, it's inconsistent, but the issue here is that both the father and GPs here are being dickish, anyhow.
ineedaholidaynow · 14/08/2020 00:29

How old are the children, are they due to go to school soon?

PickAChew · 14/08/2020 00:29

@Comicstar

Well everywhere I've been lately people are packed in like sardines. I can't see a problem seeing family if you are socially distancing and not sitting on each other's laps. I think we have to use common sense as out government clearly has non!
And the GPS were not planning on social distancing with the kids, despite being from an area with higher prevalence and tighter rules. More to the point, they are keen to overrule OP's opinions on keeping her kids safe with no good reason.
Comicstar · 14/08/2020 00:34

I'm just stating my opinion 🙌 peace, health and love to you all ✌

cantsaynotocake · 14/08/2020 01:52

I think YABU. It's important for your kids to see their grandparents. As long as none of you have underlying health problems I really don't see the problem
( your husband has dealt with this un reasonably though but that's probably a different issue all together)

Shabooma · 14/08/2020 01:56

@twinmummyyeah

Hi I have had the most awful massive argument with my husband over his family plans. His family want to break their local Covid lockdown (they are in Blackburn, lancs). They are legally not allowed to see anyone outside their family in a house or garden outside theor bubble even out of the lockdown area but they have planned with my husband to travel 4 hours to us in the south east and stay in a hotel local to us where they want my children to stay too and spend 3 days here going to restaurants etc for my husbands 50th. (They plan to come down 4 days after his birthday anyway) I said to my husband no what they are doing is illegal risking lots of people and risking the children and me so he will have to delay his birthday. I suggested he book something for November time with all his family instead when they are out of lockdown All hell broke loose with my husband saying he is divorcing me, selling the house etc because I said no. Every time his family are involved if I don’t go along with what they want he goes absolutely mad at me. His defence was “they WANT to come down” I am absolutely furious about it all. Your thoughts please? Xx
But they are allowed to stay in a hotel...
beautifulxdisasters · 14/08/2020 01:57

It's not illegal.

Your husband sounds like a cunt though.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 14/08/2020 07:21

@beautifulxdisasters

It's not illegal.

Your husband sounds like a cunt though.

Laws were brought in following the local lockdowns. The grandparents are from an area that these laws apply to. So anything other than meeting up in an outdoor public place where they are socially distanced would be illegal.

Fully agree with your 2nd point !

MrsCollinssettled · 14/08/2020 07:42

Suggest he goes to see them on his own and self isolates from the rest of you on his return. If nothing else some peace and quiet for you.

chatterbugmegastar · 14/08/2020 07:45

All hell broke loose with my husband saying he is divorcing me, selling the house etc because I said no.

If this is true then your marriage is over imo. I'd start the divorce now

BigKnickers87 · 14/08/2020 07:49

I think YABU to stop his family coming down. I live in a local lockdown area and people are carrying on as normal so I can see why they want to come down. But he’s being totally unreasonable to dismiss your concerns and blowing up about it.

RichardMarxisinnocent · 14/08/2020 07:58

@Aposterhasnoname

According to chocolates link for the Blackburn rules, you can meet with more than six people outdoors provided it’s not a private garden. So as long as the restaurants have outdoor seating, they aren’t doing a single thing wrong
And as long as it's no more than two households meeting, and the households are socially distanced from each other.
LadyFrumpington · 14/08/2020 08:05

Yanbu

I am not a massove stickler for rules and my policy is you have to measure the risk amd do what is right for you but this seems a bit much. Its totally non essential and they could potentially be super spreaders

if it was your house I'd say crack on (you can isolate after) but its a hotel?!?!?

It's a really tough situation to be in if your husband doesn't have your back on it and it sounds like the marriage isnt good Flowers

FippertyGibbett · 14/08/2020 08:18

But they are allowed to get on a plane with hundreds of others and go on holiday, so I’m not sure it’s a problem as long as they maintain social distancing.

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