Very little effort for me

[Aurora124]

I know i must be acting like a spoiled brat but I am genuinely upset.

My husband seems to love being centre of attention and when its other peoples birthdays, weddings, he gets all moody and can't seem to make an effort for another person.

When its his birthday, i go all out, i plan all his presents in advance and get things I know he would like, need, or has mentioned before he would love to have. I overspend which I know is my fault. I let him sit down all day while I run around getting things for him asking for he wants anything, i get him a birthday cake, take him out for tea put up balloons and banners ( really for the kids sake) i do this so his day is special and he feels spoiled.

He has known it was my birthday , he never forgets but has more and more left it to the last min. He went shopping on tues snd asked for £100 because he was short and wanted to get me something nice. He admitted he didn't know what to get, i suggested a few ideas but said i could order something for myself from him if its a problem.

So my birthday arrives, he has grumped around all day, not once said happy birthday, moaned about something i had done around the house. He did make me a bacon roll ( but thats because I joked with him the day before saying I hope he was going to, he said he never got anything on his birthday, which I did make him breakfast in bed, he had forgotten) my presents were shoved at me with a didn't know what to get you and he walked away.

He got a me £4 pair of slippers , when i have exactly 8 pairs sitting in the cupboard,and some chocolates.

Nothing else was clearly planned for the day so i went over to my mums, i came home and was grumped at for being a long time. And that was it? He went to bed and hasn't said a word.

Aibu to be annoyed?

Nope, yanbu. I would be seriously pissed off too. I would also not make any effort in future for his birthday and I would call him out when he acts like a twat on other people's days.

You are right, honestly don't know why I bother! He used to be so great with presents, now its a last min oh that'll do. I don't want to sound spoiled and ungrateful , things are worse for so many people but I'm really hurt I mean so little to him. A birthday is a way to show someone how much you care.

Well tomorrow I would be having a conversation about how it seems that birthdays are a hassle these days so a card will do for each others from now on.

He 'forgets' what you do anyway so what's the point. There's no way I'd be letting his stropping because he's not getting attention go.

Happy Birthday.
Make absolutely no effort at all on his Birthday. Ask to borrow some money the week before and buy him some £4 slippers and some chocolate. He can't really complain can he?
On the bright side he's out if your way at the moment so relax with some cake/wine and do as you please in peace.

I’d be annoyed too.
I think you need to be direct with him and share that you feel let down and that not much effort was made. No stropping from him, he needs to have a conversation like an adult.

Is this the first birthday he’s been like this? If not, then why do you continue making a fuss on his birthday?

@Spied thank you, you sound like a very thoughtful person, i wish I was married to you 😆
@MostlyHappyMummy well if i'm honest he is usually very good with presents but finds a way to fall out with and upset me every birthday, this time he was just a complete let down and grump he didn't have the energy to pick an argument.

Selfish man baby.. this is it for life . Decide if you can cope with his grudging petty ingenious spirit for the next 50 years..
Stop that effort on his birthday too

*ungenerous

Is he like this at Xmas too?

wow

Buy yourself something time consuming and go and do it. Preferably several visits needed. He is a spoilt brat.

What has he needed the £100 for if he only got you slippers and chocolates?

What has the rest of the money been spent on?

I would be asking for the remaining £95 back.

I'd definitely be asking for my change from that 100.

Selfish brat.

For his next birthday take your kids out for a treat and buy him a £2 pair of socks that you’ve wiped your bum with.

He doesn’t deserve a nice person like you in his life.

You don't sound spoilt at all and you don't need to minimise your feelings.

Take yourself out somewhere if you can and have a nice coffee and cake or whatever it is that makes you feel good.

Happy birthday op

Your husband sounds like a grump of the highest order. How inconsiderate!

I agree with a pp - say to him birthdays are obviously too much hassle: he struggles with yours and forgets what you do for his, so agree to cards only next year. See what he says to that. I imagine he'll be horrified.

You sound lovely and generous x

I would be very bald about the facts of his selfish spoilt drama king behavior. I'd write an exact list of what I did for his birthday and say I expect 75% of that. But I also expect you to be kind and happy for me.

He finds an excuse to be in a bad mood with you and spoil your birthday? Asks for £100 and buys slippers last minute then shoved them at you? Goes to bed without speaking to you when you haven’t done anything wrong?

Fuck me. I’m sure there are other issues in your relationship than just birthdays.....
He just sounds horrible.

Yeah, I had lots to say about how this man doesn’t even like you but keeps you around because you’re useful to have around. Then I realised this must be a wind-up because who would think being treated with such little consideration and respect is such a trivial matter while continuing to make so much effort for a person who treats her like dirt? Your children will soon take their cues from their father and start to treat you dismissively and disrespectfully too.