Criminal compensation award

[Crazycakelady17]

I was sexually abused and raped as a child from the ages of 11-17 at the hands of my stepdad.
I disclosed at 17 and my mum kicked him out although the police wasn’t informed I was in the middle of my A levels and a eating disorder so it wasn’t felt by the family in my best intreats plus attitudes by the police etc was different 20 years ago.
I got married and moved abroad at 19 and distanced myself from the whole thing burying it deep and I had a fantastic life for 17 years until my husband got made redundant from his job in the Army we decided to move back to our home town.
All was good for a year untill I bumped into the perpetrator of my abuse I had a huge mental health crisis was sectioned and was really unwell.
I decided when I was well enough to peruse him through the legal system long story short he was charged with 9 offences of rape and child abuse.
The trial was horrific my mental health was affected this is 2 years ago now.
I was advised by victim support to apply for criminal compensation it was a basic form and they helped my fill it in I thought nothing of it.
Few months went by and we went away on holiday came back to a letter saying I had been awarded 22k I was gobsmacked to say the least.
I decided to put the money into our savings account and decide later what to do with it.
This is the dilemma I just can’t spend it it seems like dirty money to me o could share it between our three dc but they have enough savings for uni etc
Or should I just book a last huge family holiday ds1 is of to uni in September and ds2 to college so it seems that would be well used.
What should I spend it on we have plenty of normal savings it’s this money that I have issues with
Thanks if you got this far sorry for being so long

I like the idea of turning something that you got for enduring something terrible into good memories, but are you in a place that you would actually be mentally able to do that? Or would you be reminded throughout the holiday of how it was funded?

I might actually give it to charity if I didn’t need it and didn’t think I would in the future. Particularly if there’s a charity you support but you know the perpetrator would really hate.

Is there any therapy that would help your mental health that you could pay for it with? That's the most directly relevant thing I guess you could do with it

Otherwise, if you don't need it, maybe give it to a local organisation helping abuse/assault victims?

Or buy a piece of land that could be used as a community garden or something instead of getting developed?

22K is a lot of money but feels like a tiny amount for what you’ve been through!

I think although it’s a long time since the abuse happened, it’s not really long since it was all brought up again for you and you had the trial to get through. So maybe do nothing with it for now and try and get a bit of distance from it again?

If you really want to spend it now, I think it would be lovely to have something positive out of it like a really nice family holiday. Or if you don’t want to spend it on yourself maybe put it aside for your children?

I think the idea of using it for some sort of therapy to try and get over this is a good idea. But in the meantime give yourself time to think and come to terms with what youve been offered. You dont have to do anything with it immediately. Im so sorry this happened to you and wish you all the best.

Put it in Premium Bonds for your children. They will need house deposits one day and it will be a help to them.