What Do Men Do Who Want Sex But Not A Relationship?

[IncandescentSilver]

Having just survived a bruising encounter with a man who, after 2 years LDR, decided he "was not a relationship person" and ended it quite horribly, it seems that there are a lot of such men out there.

There seems to be a limited number of women, particularly after the age of 35 or so, who want to have sex with men in their forties or older who don't want relationships.

So in my situation, he presumably had to string me along believing I was in a proper relationship, to keep getting quality sex of the type you can only have with someone you have feelings for. And presumably because that worked quite well for him, he will do it again and has done it in the past.

What I've found out about him since confirms that he did latterly speak the truth about not wanting a relationship (met someone else he did the same to) and he also disclosed a previous extensive history to me of Tinder hook-ups, which if I'd known about, I wouldn't have got involved with him.

Thoughts? Do these men go months or years without sex, or do they just sleep around with a lot of different women? What do they do when they get older and find it harder to find women?

Do they find it harder to find women as they get older?

We all have things going for us and against us. From obvious stuff like looks and the sort of conversations we can hold. Then people have complications and a million other tiny things like caring responsibilities, shift work, income, political views. Some people will always be able to find dates, it doesn’t mean they will find love.

Relationships are complicated unless people want dc or to become more economically viable as a unit if they don’t need or want that I can see why they don’t want a relationship with all its implications.

From the friends I know, all women and just one man yes people do just sleep around a lot that go on dating websites. Unfortunately all the women seemed to be looking for something serious always and got strung along many times. Two did end up marrying but my God the stories. My male friend was not that bothered as just after divorce. He was absolutely amazed how women just literally offered themselves up to him and so many. He was 40, no dc and a decent job, average looking but 6ft tall. He felt like some kind of Greek God briefly, I told him to get over himself. He had so many women chasing him in their thirties that obviously were after dc. Many of my women friends went crazy and made some terrible decisions because they wanted dc so much and were hitting their thirties. He was perfect for that age range. He did end up remarrying and had a child I just said do not string any women along that wants dc if you don’t want them.

I think this approach often falls apart for men (although not all) around the age of 40 when a lot of their friends are married and younger women aren’t interested in them

I think you've answered your own question - those men who want sex but no relationship often manipulate their way into it, get what they want and walk away without a second thought. OLD has made it easier for the arseholes to mask their arseholery.

@Valkadin - your comment about money - you put it politely as 'economically viable' I think is at the root of a lot of it - men who have done what they wanted and got what they wanted when they were younger can continue to do so when they are older if they are well off - they can almost buy a partner who will look after them in their old age

I had a male friend like this. He used the excuse of I don’t want a relationship to get out of mediocre ones. He eventually met someone who blew him away, they married and had DC. He remains besotted with her, never looks at another woman. Thank god she came along, he was turning into a dog to be honest!!

some men who have been players, as they get older for physical/mental health reasons are no longer able to have intercourse. Or due to health they may lose their desire. however some of them are still able to get female company for various reasons - not always money of course, women get in to relationships with men for other reasons - the need to be needed, the need to be useful, company etc etc

Unfortunately there’s usually a healthy supply of naive 22 year olds who think a man in his 40s is a cool older boyfriend vom

Some end up living celibate and alone
Some go to hookers
Some are rich and attractive enough to continue behaving in this way to the very end.
Most settle down later. When women their own age are beyond having kids, with younger women

For some people, male and female, there is a great reservation about getting in a serious relationship that might involve shared responsibilities (like a house purchase) or children or marriage. If a mature person has capital (savings, high wage etc) there can be a hesitation about getting into a commitment that may risk that through having to support someone, the risk of divorce etc. At 40+, some people start thinking about their pension, their retirement and their future...they want to be secure. A relationship can risk that security. As a woman with 7 figure assets, I have been very reluctant to get into relationships with men who have less than promising financial profiles. I still did for sexual reasons, and was proved right on both occasions...Two boyfriends wanted a serious relationship and marriage far too quickly. I cannot say if that was 'love' or 'money', but money destroyed those relationships as I was unwilling to tolerate cocklodging...dating gets complicated with age because of these issues. I know a few men in their 40's and 50's who got 'caught' in their words. Unwanted pregnancies with younger girlfriends that led to a family life they didn't want (often because they had that with a previous wife). They have told me all about the financial fallout, because it hadn't worked out for any of them...I suppose the resentment in the foundation of the relationship hasn't helped. I know they regret these relationships, and some even regret the kids that have come from the unions (which is awful really). They have been left paying child maintenance in unexpected situations.

You've answered your own question. I think a lot of men string women along for long periods and quite a lot of them will pretend to be interested in relationships if it gets them what they want.

On the question of what they do when they get older, unfortunately its easier, relatively, for older men to get younger women interested than if the roles are reversed.

Some of them do hit a wall and decide they want to settle down and inevitably a lot of the women in their age group will have "baggage" (or just have higher standards and less time for nonsense). Which is in part why I think older men end up settling down with younger women.

I got thinking about it because there is quite an annoying man who has contacted me a few times over the years, ostensibly because I bought a product from his business I think 8 years ago (!) and does the same sport as me. He is 62 and in no way of interest to me in any shape or form, and I've also been told by mutual friends that he is a sleaze, he has spent his time picking up different women from nightclubs and taking them back to his place, along with his married friend. As in week in, week out. He looks awful now. I've deleted and blocked him from my social media, but it got me thinking that at one time, he must have been an ok looking young man and how sad it is to end up like that - making a fool of himself by trying to get disinterested women to meet up with and no doubt sleep with him.

Then that made me sad about my ex - he's still really hot and probably doesn't have to worry about being single, but one day he might turn into that sleazy man. And my ex really doesn't do relationships - he only managed to stay with me for so long because it was a LDR and he didn't have to see me that often. He admitted his history of Tinder hook ups to me as well, which was a shock. He very much likes having sex, so for a man who doesn't do relationships and is an expert at ending things, thats a bit of a problem long term.

I mean, obviously, people can do what they like, but its not particularly wise for your sexual health and I think once you've gone past that stage of being genuine and having sex with someone because you are really attracted to them, and instead just using someone because you just want sex that particular night, it somehow changes their mannerisms. So they come across as a bit of a player, a bit cynical. It just seems so sad that he was once such a hot young guy and now he is turning into this.

Both of these men have enough money not to have to do a regular job for a living and own their own homes, so not subject to any financial constraints.

Reading your update what you need to be be concentrating on yourself and not ruminating on his or any Mans motivations. You can’t influence a personality type all you can change is your own behaviour and reactions.

Why are you worrying about them though? On the surface your posts are dismissive about their qualities as a partner and also very shallow (ageist and money orientated)