I’ve suffered with my mental health since being a child following abuse. As a teenager I struggled with low self-esteem, self-harm, etc.
As an adult I still have anxiety, low mood, and low self-esteem. I feel like I have no purpose, no one would notice if I weren’t here, etc. (I’m not suicidal, I wouldn’t act on any thoughts). I can be feeling fine and one tiny thing happens and it completely drops my mood. I’ve been in two abusive relationships. I got out but should’ve done sooner. I’m trying to support a friend who’s currently in an abusive relationship and finding it hard.
I seem to have so many “issues” and if people knew some of the stuff that goes on in my head, I think they’d really think I’m crazy (thoughts about myself, things that have been said or done, things I worry about, etc).
Over the years I’ve tried so many medications and therapies, often going private. I can’t get any help on the NHS as they say I’m doing ok, even though I’m not. I pushed a couple of years ago to have a mental health assessment, but all that happened was that I was given a mental health support worker who listened for an hour, told me my time was up (I didn’t even get to say anything) and they then recommended groups on assertiveness and similar.
I just feel such a mess sometimes and don’t know what else to do. Just realised this sounds very “woe is me” and it’s not meant to. I work full time, own a house, socialise lots and have hobbies (well, pre-Covid) and probably come across as fun, lively, etc - which I am a lot of the time. But deep down there’s a lot wrong.
Don’t really know what I’m looking for, just needed to get it out.