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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fortune teller

20 replies

Namechangedd1232 · 12/08/2020 14:05

Not really an AIBU but I just need to write about this and get some perspective, have never spoken about this to anyone in RL.

Years ago when I was in my early 20’s I want to see a fortune teller who everyone was raving about, and I mean everyone in my work and my family.

I didn’t really go in hanging on every word, I was sceptical. She told me I desperately wanted to settle down but no matter how hard I try it won’t happen till I’m 28( she was right about this), she said many other things including the house number where I would live (also true). The prediction I’m writing about is she said I would get pregnant three times but only have 2 children she told me I would abort my first child. I left thinking that will never happen!

I met someone and settled down when I was 28. I got pregnant accidentally very early in the marriage. we lived with DH’s parents and planned on staying for a year and then getting place of our own. His mother completely changed on day of wedding, she was rude and very controlling. You might recognise me from my old username if I go into detail about her things such as I was not alloweed to make tea or eat at certain times. It was hell living there with her. I would cry everyday and there would be fights everyday. Couple of times she physically hit me but denied when DH spoke to her. It got to the point where I was ready to divorce DH as he wouldn’t move out. When I found out I was pregnant I remember sitting there crying and DH telling me we have to get rid of it as otherwise we will never move out. He didn’t know about the fortune teller prediction as I never told him. I know some of you will be very blunt and tell me “well you decided it, he didn’t drag you to clinic” I know he didn’t force me but the state I was in I thought maybe it’s meant to happen as fortune teller told me.

I was less than 6 weeks pregnant so had a pill abortion at a clinic. I remember everything about it, it keeps replaying. I really regret it and he or she would be 10 years old next month. I really do think If I never went to this fortune teller I wouldn’t have so easily decided to abort. I know a few other people that went to see her and one in particular has had her life destroyed due to this forums teller, can’t go into details as will be outing.

I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting but I can’t talk to anyone else. If things were better with in-laws and they were supportive it would be so different now.

I wish I had fought harder to keep my baby rather than thinking that’s meant to be as fortune teller predicted it. I often wonder what it would look like. I’m ashamed to say but every year near its birthday I tend to drink loads just to numb myself.

MIL has calmed down massively since we moved out and dotes on my little kids. I really hate her sometimes when I think of what she put me through. I really feel like telling her but I can’t. I feel guilty when we do anything as a family as I keep thinking of my boy/girl who missed out on doing these things with us

OP posts:

Anordinarymum · 12/08/2020 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

Namechangedd1232 · 12/08/2020 14:14

@Anordinarymum Does it make you feel good kicking someone when they’re already down? You sound like a lovely person

OP posts:

daytripper28 · 12/08/2020 14:15

@Anordinarymum Wow - harsh

OP that sounds like you were in a difficult position and haven't been able to 'forgive' yourself - if that's the right way of saying it.

Maybe counselling would help you to do that?

Original poster

Namechangedd1232 · 12/08/2020 14:17

@daytripper28 thank you. It hasn’t worked I had counselling but near the anniversary it gets worse.

OP posts:

AriesTheRam · 12/08/2020 14:25

@Anordinarymum an "ordinary mum" wouldnt make nasty comments on the Internet.

VashtaNerada · 12/08/2020 14:28

I think the fortune teller is completely out of order. Nobody can predict the future but you can put ideas in people’s heads. It’s a decision that can’t be undone now, you just have to find a way to forgive yourself and move on.

InDeoEstMeaFiducia · 12/08/2020 14:30

No one can tell the future. Please watch the Darren Brown vids on this on YouTube, he shows you how it's complete bunkum.

DopamineHits · 12/08/2020 14:34

Perhaps abortion was amplified in your mind as an option because of what the fortune teller told you. Just one of the reasons why these scammers are so awful and irresponsible.

It's the past and there's nothing you can do except make your peace with it knowing that at least part of you felt it was the right decision at the time. And maybe it did help you to get to a place where you could safely have your children.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/08/2020 14:37

It sounds like an abortion was definitely the best decision for you at the time. Perhaps some counseling might help to move passed it and let it go.
As for your friend, it's ridiculous to think that a fortune teller would be able to ruin someone's life with made up predictions.
No one can write your future for you.

Yeahnahmum · 12/08/2020 14:39

You cant blame a fortune teller for your own choice op...
It is sad . Yes. Very!
But the prediction was hers. The choice was yours.

You had kids. They are the now. They deserve a mum that is devoted to them being here. And that they are celebrated.

Probably should get some better counseling. Emdr perhaps. You shouldnt live /wanna live like this.

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2020 14:43

The fortune teller wasn't responsible for your abortion

The fortune teller didn't destroy your colleague's life.

Shit, awful things happen in life and sadly that's always going to be the case.

elenacampana · 12/08/2020 14:46

In the nicest possible way OP - you can’t blame a fortune teller for the choices you’ve made or the way your friend’s life has turned out. The morals and ethics of fortune tellers are for another thread.

Be kind to yourself and maybe try therapy again. Therapy isn’t always something that works first time around and it can make you feel worse before you feel better - that’s all part of the coming to terms with things process.

All the best to you.

Spied · 12/08/2020 14:47

You did what was right for you at the time.
Life would likely have been very different for you now had you had the child.
Don't look at life now and think how easy it would be now to have slotted that child in and think about how it would be because it wouldn't be like you imagine.

The fortune teller had a hit on this occasion.
Mostly they'll be wrong.

Peridodo · 12/08/2020 14:55

Hi OP,

You were going through an awful time and suffering abuse from your MIL. I can understand you hate her sometimes and I am amazed you haven’t cut her out of your life. But I am glad to hear she is much improved since then and has a good relationship with your DC.

You need to be kind to yourself, you made an incredibly difficult decision whilst living in a very bad situation. You didn’t have the support you needed and many other people would have done the same thing IMO.

The fortune teller was completely out of line mentioning an abortion. I can understand why this has caused you so much upset.

As others have suggested please go for some counselling. You are still grieving and I’m sure it would help to talk about this and find ways to move forward.

AlternativePerspective · 12/08/2020 15:03

OP, you’re giving this charlatan far too much credit for things she was never responsible for. And they are all charlatans and con artists who prey on people’s wish to know something they can’t actually ever know.

You made the decision that was right for you at the time. The fortune teller had nothing to do with it. If you’d never seen her then you would still likely have made the same decision.

As for your colleague, no, the fortune teller didn’t destroy her life. Bearing in mind that these are predictions, not actual actions which change your outcomes. All they claim to do is tell you what is going to happen (which is a load of bullshit, look up cold readings) whatever happened to your colleague would have happened regardless.

I can see why you/your colleague would want to blame this woman, because you feel guilty yourself it’s hard to then apply your own thinking to what you did. If you blame the fortune teller then you can convince yourself that none of it was your fault. But it wasn’t your fault. People make decisions that they regret sometimes, but which may be right for them. There’s no fault or blame there, but there is responsibility, and ultimately you and you alone were responsible for the decisions you made.

Yeahnahmum · 12/08/2020 15:08

^ this

Is perfect.

Original poster

Namechangedd1232 · 13/08/2020 11:12

Thank you everyone for you support yesterday it was a difficult day. To those who so easily dismissed my feelings all I want to say is you have no idea how the Hunan brain works and how little suggestions or “predictions” can impact someone’s choices or decisions. The brain is a complicated organ - look at the “brainstorm and green needle video” for example which shows you how easy it is for suggestions to affect you.

I don’t know if I would have gone for the abortion had I not seen the Psychic and I don’t know if her suggestion that I will abort made me do it. That’s what is so painful as I will never know if it really was my decision or I acted on the prediction.

Thank you all, I’m not going to read this thread again until I’m feeling Much stronger so apologises if I don’t reply any time soon.

OP posts:

Greydove28 · 13/08/2020 11:30

I know what you mean OP. I saw one a few years ago who was so bloody accurate it has really messed with my head.

Shizzlestix · 13/08/2020 11:32

I would not allow mil anywhere near me or my kids. She hit you?!

dalecooper · 13/08/2020 11:56

Thousands of women have abortions. You did nothing wrong. You did what you felt you had to do in the circumstances. The Fortune Teller was just making up a story, not actually predicting your future.

I do think it is a bit much to blame the Fortune Teller, as though your future was already mapped out and you had to go along with it. The decision you made was because of the circumstances you were in, not because you were blindly following what you were told.

I have a close family member who had an abortion when she was in her late teens and she still wonders what the child would have been like. It would be about 30 now. I think that is normal. I think you need to let go of the fact that what you did was somehow linked to what you were told.

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