AIBU to still feel upset by my father?

[peachpuppy]

First time poster (sorry if I'm doing this wrong!).

So as of right now I'm 17 (coming up on 18 early next year). I moved out of my family home when I was 16 in order to move in with my partner, and to get away from emotional and sometimes physical abuse from my parents. Last night, I was on Pinterest and since my dad used to follow me on there he popped up and for whatever reason I looked at his profile. This lead me to a link on his website which contained some personal essays - one being a list of some of the things he's done in his life that he regrets. These include giving people STDs, drunk driving, lying in court, physically assaulting people and sexually touching other children when he was small. This was all pretty shocking to read, and my partner emotionally supports me in every way, but he doesn't think he'd be upset reading these things about his own father (he experienced a different kind of abuse growing up). He sees it that I'm not in contact with my father anymore and so shouldn't be shocked that he's a bad person. I was just wondering if my shock and hurt is reasonable, or if I shouldn't have any kind of response anymore as he's abusive and I've acknowledged this?

YANBU, this must have stirred up horrible memories for you. What I would suggest though Is blocking any online links to him. Then you don’t get ‘ambushed’ like this.

You are not being unreasonable to feel shocked at all. The fact that you do feel shocked suggests to me that you are a kind person still capable of feeling empathy with your father's victims and still capable of understanding "decent" human behaviour. You can be shocked without being surprised and surprised without being shocked. I wonder if your partner understands the difference (MSN in particular don't seem to and haven't for a few years, so I could easily imagine someone under 20 having only heard the terms misused.) Also you might know some of the behaviour, but not all of it.

You are always entitled to feel what you feel. There will be times whne you would not be entitled to act on what you feel - you only have to look at a few threads here to understand that.

Diva66 has some good advice, and I would also add that you can very reasonably use this to bolster your determination to make your own way and not go back to your parents or to stay in any other abusive situation in future. Also, 17 is still very young. Be a sympathetic friend to yourself and be aware that everyone at that age still has a lot of growing up to do, a lot of skills both practical and emotional to learn some of which will make life easier for you as time goes on.
Try not to make too many irreversible decisions over the next few years to take the pressure off yourself.(Training for a specific career is not irreversible - that's just experience. Retraining for a different career is just more experience). You sound quite mature for you age and one thing you will find is that some of your peers "catch up" with you in terms of maturity as they face their own emotional challenges.
Very best wishes.

@Diva66 I've got him deleted on pretty much everything - sometimes I just get lost in internet wormholes and I think the temptation to see what people who have treated you badly are up to is often an impulse reaction. I've deleted all my social media as I don't have any friends left from where I used to live (as well as obviously getting away from my family) but I'm comforted to know it's an understandable reaction honestly. I'm going to work on not picking at my wounds x

@julybaby32 Thank you for your response. I often have to fight the concept that my abuse was my fault (a belief strongly pushed upon me since I was little) so anytime there's anything relating to 'evidence' that my parents are not good people I get the original shock of being disappointed as a little child. I agree with your notion of not doing things permanently when you're young on a broader spectrum, but for me personally I think making commitments I can dedicate myself to helps stop the self destructive tendencies that come from abuse (e.g. I got married when I was 16 and I'm planning on having a baby in a few years- though don't worry, I have been and will continue to work on myself in order to be a good wife / mum). Thank you for your response, I appreciate it. x