to ask for your stories (good bad & ugly) of going from one child to (very unexpectedly) to two?

[nervousFTM]

... Particularly where you thought you were one and done, how has it been have a second unplanned baby - especially interested in stories of where this has happened with just a 2-5 year age gap. But also even if you planned two, tell me how life is different.

What did you think life would be like as a tripod? How did you get over your thoughts that you would only have one child and accept there would be two? How's it affected finances?

And anything else you can think of

Not meant to be two 'to's there

Ok. Well I've shared this before. I found it horrible initially, I don't mind admitting it. My dd was 6y 3m when my Ds arrived - not unplanned but after deciding when drunk and falling pregnant that night 😬

I went from living with my chilled out eldest who was at school obviously (I had been working 4 days a week) to maternity leave with a very demanding and screamy baby. He slept ok at night, but day naps were constantly interrupted by school runs etc. He was probably more clingy because he didn't get as much attention as my eldest did as a baby.

Now they are 9 and 3. It's getting easier, but still they cannot do the same activities really and the younger one annoys his sister by making such a fuss all the time when she tries to play with him. My life changed completely. I am glad and happy I have my two healthy children, but I can't say it's been easy for me. I'm also a single parent which probably makes a difference (I wasn't planning to be when having them).

Well. I went from 1 to 2 when oldest was 5 - it was planned but very quick - we’d been expecting a longer wait as I was 39.

My older boy was reasonably excited but not very concerned about the baby, and has actually been wonderful with the little one - zero jealousy etc and they have started playing together.

Positives

I felt physically able after a long gap and my older son was quite independent

The two of them together are really lovely to be around

The younger is very different from the older - he’s a real character and it’s nice having the contrast

Negatives

Money is less available as the childcare costs have gone on longer

I’m exhausted - both my boys are autistic and the younger is a ball of energy - I call him the wrecking ball.

I had bad PND after the second - I’m still on meds 18 months later

It’s hard find activities that suit both boys owing to the age gap.

I should have mentioned the PND as well! Like the previous poster, I had it after my second. Came as a shock as had only felt joy and content after my first. I had been induced with second child and I think it affected the hormones after the birth - after my first I felt elated after giving birth. Second time I felt dreadful immediately after a happy healthy pregnancy, and I stayed like it for months!

Thank you for such honesty ladies - I really appreciate it. Very interesting reading and I'm really glad that things are easier now for you! There would be roughly a 2.5 year gap here, I just was quite convinced we were one and done. I'm 40 too so not sure I have the energy for round two! Finances also a concern xx

Had a 5 year age gap with the second. Was unexpected. He was an absolute devil child. Screamed constantly, had countless accidents, Clung to me until he was about 5, but he's a good sleeper so I'll forgive him. Now on to a very unexpected third and there will be 7 years between the second and third. I'm praying for an easier baby this time.
We wouldn't be without the second though. He is a very strong character.

I also had bad pnd with the second, but there were a slot of factors in my life that contributed to that, not just a new baby.

I had a second planned baby. Just over a two year difference. The first couple of years were a whirlwind but I can honestly say my life with two is so much easier than my friends who have only children. My two play together with very little input from me, whereas my friends are exhausted with the constant need to entertain their child. They don’t always get along of course. But when they do, it’s really lovely to watch.

Very unplanned 18 month age gap here, 2 year old& 3.5 year old.
Absolute total panic when I realised I was pregnant again. Took 5 years to have first and I was still breastfeeding her so just wasn't expecting it at all.
The first 3 months were very very hard. Competing demands of toddler and newborn. Toddler watched way too much TV and ate from a lot of pouches to get us through.
Now, it is absolutely brilliant. Wouldn't change it for the world. Yours will be close enough to play together & have similar interests which will make life easier. They're sooo cute when they're being mischievous together. They can play with each other for a good hour or so now without my input so I have time for coffees and feet up during the day.

Hi OP

2.5 years gap here. I really wanted another and my husband wasnt keen initially.

There are pros and cons (I guess like everything).

I wasnt really prepared for how hectic everything feels. Sometimes the eldest stays at grandparents and we just look after the toddler and it seems so peaceful and quiet (they are very into screaming games). I had a non sleeper the second time and it did really limit what activities the eldest could do as we had to be back at nap times. I thought I'd already made the adjustment to being a parent and it would be relatively easy to slot the second into our lives but it didnt work out like that and I did feel like I struggled. A lot in the first couple months. Dealing with a breastfed baby who had tongue tie and was constantly feeding with a newly toilet trained toddler was just too much for me and I ended up putting the eldest in nursery for the first 7 months til I felt like I could cope with both at the same time. Bedtime was horrendous and the eldest just wanted me but the baby would cluster feed in the evening, and the eldest had proper sleep regression in reaction to the new sibling. One bad night, in the whole night, they woke up in turns and I got two half hour naps the whole time. I also had far less patience with things like weaning and toilet training etc, the first time it seemed an adventure and the second time I just find it a tedious stage to get through.

But now the youngest is 2.5 and has dropped naps I finally feel like we can go out and do stuff again. They have kept each other entertained in lockdown. They miss each other when one of them is somewhere else. Only one more year and the youngest will be at pre school at the eldest school hopefully and we will only have one place to do pick up and drop off. Also I find I appreciate the toddler stage so much more as i know how quick it goes. She makes me laugh every day and I love her so much. I can't imagine her not being there.

So was much harder work than I thought but I think it's two years of shit then it's probably a bit easier than an only child

Sorry not massively positive!

I have two but DD 2 was very much planned. Finances aren't an issue for us, DS is 2y & 7m older than DD so when we have two in childcare he gets some free hours which reduce the bill. Both our kids were very much planned and we waited until we were very secure financially which has made life much easier.

I'm one of three and I can't imagine my family being complete with just two. I'm so grateful that my parents didn't stop at two. Obviously it was hard (my mum says she doesn't really remember the 1990s!) but also amazing.

Planned 3 year gap. I know what to expect second time round, so that was a lot easier. What I did find difficult was that DS1 needs were "intellectual" - "tell me about this" "do this with me" whereas DS2s needs were very physical and I felt my brain splitting in two.

I have 2 2.5 age gaps - there’s almost exactly 5 years between my first and third and about an equal gap between them.

1 to 2 was a doddle. 2 to 3 nearly killed me!

What I would say is that if you can get the oldest out of nappies so you’re not potty training with a newborn that would be good. I never managed it

My dd1 and ds1 are just over 2.5 years apart and it was lovely. Dd adored him, was very verbal for her age and also potty trained and ds1 was born late spring so we just carried on being outside lots and lots and doing lots of things revolving around dd1 so she was never jealous and he just slotted in and they adored each other when they were little. BUT he is still an easy placid child and she is still a loving whirlwind. Don’t ask me what happened when number 3 and 4 came along... I don’t think you can generalise because it does depend on the characters but to the babies etc involved. One thing to do is to keep the elder child’s life going as much as possible eg couple of days of nursery/at the grandparents. Good luck and great news and big congratulations.

Unplanned 21 month gap though we did plan to have another eventually. I found going from 1 to 2 easier than none to 1. With the first I was like a deer in the highlights! With the second I felt like I knew what I was doing and it was much less stressful. The sleepless newborn period was tough, but somehow it went past much quicker (perhaps because I knew it would end?!)