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Original poster

Feeling down for sale sign has gone up

20 replies

user1461609321 · 12/08/2020 13:32

Having to re-type this as original disappeared

Basically our for sale sign went up yesterday but now I feel a weird sense of unease and not sure if we are doing the right thing

Context, we are in a top floor 2 bed maisonette with own garden, solely purchased last April

We have modernised, but having lived here it seems flat will be small long term as oldest of 2 children will be year 6 next September

Neighbour downstairs really horrible and banging on ceiling late at night and had argued with us when we first moved here about sound of renovation works

We want our own drive, 3bed freehold property with more private garden in neighbouring better borough with great schools which this property is not, however, the neighbours on street are generally nice and next door in particular is really nice to my kids

Next property will be brought with husband so also not sure if I am worried about jointly owning something so expensive with him as it's a loss of control I suppose

Just feeling so confused and need advice really...

OP posts:
whittingtonmum · 12/08/2020 14:09

Sounds like you need to move for more space and neighbours sound unpleasant. If you don't find anything you like you can always stay put but seems very early to throw in the towel.

Original poster
user1461609321 · 12/08/2020 15:11

Thank you for the reply, it's only really the neighbour downstairs that is horrible, the rest are really nice

But we do need more space overall

I wonder if it is normal to feel this way?

Perhaps I just struggle with change

OP posts:
BarkingHat · 12/08/2020 15:13

Really normal. Your feelings will probably change once you start looking and can visualise yourself somewhere else with more space.

Most house purchases are a compromise.

I struggled with moving as it meant getting a mortgage with DH. I didn't have that feeling that I had before that I could just pack up and walk out. So i decided to have a wee think about that and thought that if it came to it we'd just have to sell if we did fall out. We haven't yet.

MacduffsMuff · 12/08/2020 15:16

I felt like that too and we were desperate to move. It'll pass.

MzHz · 12/08/2020 15:18

If you’re married He has a claim to joint property anyway, so if there is a difference in who has put in what get a deed of trust (I think it’s called) and protect whatever has been put in by each of you.

From the anecdotal stuff, you’re making the right decisions to move, you’re probably just a bit anxious about the changes that are coming, that’s normal.

Enjoy house shopping! All the very best to you all, sounds like you deserve it!

CoRhona · 12/08/2020 15:22

We moved into our house 20 years ago from a flat. I walked around and said to DH "how will we ever fill this up?"

Three children and twenty years on, I can see exactly how we managed WinkGrin

I have never, not for one second, regretted moving and am actually really grateful we don't have the flat with its huge south facing windows as we'd be cooked!

Pootles34 · 12/08/2020 15:22

Really normal. It's a massive rollercoaster buying and selling - and so emotional. I feel almost guilty and disloyal to the house we're currently selling - as it's been a great house for us, and we brought our babies home from hospital to it.

But I'm the same about selling cars so that's probably just me being peculiar!

Theforest · 12/08/2020 15:41

We haven't put our house up for sale yet (still decorating rooms that need it - but it's too hot for decorating right now!)

But I know I will feel the same. As much there are things that drive me mad about house/location, it's been our home for years. The only home our kids have known. It will be sad to leave no doubt.

FippertyGibbett · 12/08/2020 16:10

I’m struggling with lack of control at the moment. Would love to own this house outright and do what I want to it, not what he decides he will do.

usernotfound0000 · 12/08/2020 16:13

I found when we were selling our old place, when I was showing people round and doing the hard sell, I was thinking why are we moving, it's a great house! I think it is normal to feel that way. For me, I was emotionally attached as it was our first home plus DD1 had spent all her live there. But we've been moved for 2 years and it was the best decision. Good luck.

Meggie2008 · 12/08/2020 17:41

Anything involving houses is just stressful 😂
I'm waiting for my mortgage application to be approved at the moment and I can't handle the waiting!

I'm sure your next house will end up being just as lovely as your old one, with nicer neighbours!

MereDintofPandiculation · 12/08/2020 19:51

Yes, it's normal. You haven't lived there long, but you've put a lot into making it yours, so of course you will feel sad at the loss.

I'm sad at losing our house in the SE, even though our quality of life is so much better now. I'm sad about the lovely little hovel (no hot water, outside toilet, 2amp lighting circuit only) on the castle mound that I lived in in my early 20s. And I'm really sad at selling my parents' house even though it was totally impractical for use to move there.

Any life change, no matter how much it is for the better, will involve loss.

Byllis · 12/08/2020 20:54

I like the point above about change bringing inevitable loss. Yes, it's normal, sadly. I'm another one who gets upset at selling cars too.

When we sold our last house I didn't experience much sadness. I think it was because we were moving to what I thought was a dream home. We hadn't even been looking - just saw this in an estate agent's window and everything followed in a mad rush from there. But I recently saw our old house up for sale and experienced a range of strong and very unexpected emotions. One was offence that our buyers did not love it enough to stay as long as we had. Another was sadness at the realisation that it really was no longer our house - it wasn't just seeing it redecorated and with someone else's things inside, but also understanding that it could be sold again and this time I had no say in the matter! Totally illogical, but it made me feel the loss of the house that I didn't when caught up in the excitement of buying this one.

Turns out this one wasn't the dream house and I fantasise about moving. Then feel very upset at the idea. Giving up the dream, I guess...

Original poster
user1461609321 · 12/08/2020 22:50

@BarkingHat

Really normal. Your feelings will probably change once you start looking and can visualise yourself somewhere else with more space.

Most house purchases are a compromise.

I struggled with moving as it meant getting a mortgage with DH. I didn't have that feeling that I had before that I could just pack up and walk out. So i decided to have a wee think about that and thought that if it came to it we'd just have to sell if we did fall out. We haven't yet.

I think it's true that once we find another place which I like better, I may feel better but for now there is nothing tangible to compare it to

Really hoping that I feel better in the coming days/weeks

Spent most of the afternoon repainting, cleaning carpets etc ahead of photos being taken on Saturday by estate agents and now thinking this property was not so bad when freshly painted etc lol

I just need to focus on getting more space, better area etc

OP posts:
Original poster
user1461609321 · 12/08/2020 22:51

@MacduffsMuff

I felt like that too and we were desperate to move. It'll pass.
Really hope so x
OP posts:
Original poster
user1461609321 · 12/08/2020 22:53

@MzHz

If you’re married He has a claim to joint property anyway, so if there is a difference in who has put in what get a deed of trust (I think it’s called) and protect whatever has been put in by each of you.

From the anecdotal stuff, you’re making the right decisions to move, you’re probably just a bit anxious about the changes that are coming, that’s normal.

Enjoy house shopping! All the very best to you all, sounds like you deserve it!

Thank you

I know logically this is the right thing to do, I guess as this was my first ever purchase, leaving it behind symbolises a stage of trying hard, sacrifice etc

OP posts:
Original poster
user1461609321 · 12/08/2020 22:57

@CoRhona

We moved into our house 20 years ago from a flat. I walked around and said to DH "how will we ever fill this up?"

Three children and twenty years on, I can see exactly how we managed WinkGrin

I have never, not for one second, regretted moving and am actually really grateful we don't have the flat with its huge south facing windows as we'd be cooked!

Aww that's so inspiring and such a sweet memory I bet.

I see my boys getting bigger daily and know that long term their small/medium shared room with bunk bed and one wardrobe they currently share will not be enough when they are teens with huge school blazers, needing a study desk etc

Plus I don't want my boys to feel that they need to leave home as soon as they are 18etc due to lack of space etc

OP posts:
Original poster
user1461609321 · 12/08/2020 22:59

@Pootles34

Really normal. It's a massive rollercoaster buying and selling - and so emotional. I feel almost guilty and disloyal to the house we're currently selling - as it's been a great house for us, and we brought our babies home from hospital to it.

But I'm the same about selling cars so that's probably just me being peculiar!

I feel disloyal and ungrateful especially as we only brought it 18 months ago

My youngest was asking why we are moving again, but my husband has just come into a little money plus the government stamp duty relief makes it an ideal time to try for a bigger property at the moment

OP posts:
Original poster
user1461609321 · 12/08/2020 23:02

@Meggie2008

Anything involving houses is just stressful 😂 I'm waiting for my mortgage application to be approved at the moment and I can't handle the waiting!

I'm sure your next house will end up being just as lovely as your old one, with nicer neighbours!

Tell me about the stress!

Really pray for lovely neighbours at the next place x

OP posts:
Original poster
user1461609321 · 12/08/2020 23:04

@MereDintofPandiculation

Yes, it's normal. You haven't lived there long, but you've put a lot into making it yours, so of course you will feel sad at the loss.

I'm sad at losing our house in the SE, even though our quality of life is so much better now. I'm sad about the lovely little hovel (no hot water, outside toilet, 2amp lighting circuit only) on the castle mound that I lived in in my early 20s. And I'm really sad at selling my parents' house even though it was totally impractical for use to move there.

Any life change, no matter how much it is for the better, will involve loss.

Very good points made about the loss, so many emotions tied up at the same time
OP posts:
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