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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect a "Thank you"?

54 replies

BlueberryXPancakes · 12/08/2020 09:15

Have had 13 year old neice to stay for a week. We gave it our all in taking her to lots of exciting activities, including a theme park one day. We did it as we enjoy it and it gives her mum (my sister) a break to get on with work. We did the same thing last summer too, having my neice for a week.

Neice said she had had a lovely time at end of visit , although she didn't thank us. Is it unreasonable to expect my sister (her mum) to thank us for our efforts to give her daughter a great week, or is it unnecessary as we're family?

I think the reason why I feel put out is that neice broke blind off the wall accidentally, despite being told to ask for help if she wanted to open or close it. We told her not to mess with blind as she also broke it off the wall on last year's visit. There was no apology about the broken blind from my sister, either this year or last year.

OP posts:
Original poster
BlueberryXPancakes · 12/08/2020 10:44

I'm not quite sure why some PP say the blinds are faulty. They simply aren't. They just have to be raised and lowered in accordance with the manufacturer's prescribed operating instructions. Yanking with brute force (which is clearly what happened) will pull any fixings off a wall.

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/08/2020 10:45

I would definitely expect a thank you. It should just be an automatic reaction to doing someone a favour, and that's a big favour you are doing

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/08/2020 10:47

The blind is irrelevant. I don't know why people latch on to irrelevant things like that on mn. She was asked not to touch the blind, she shouldn't have touched it wether it's faulty or not. It's obviously something that doesn't cause the OP a problem the other 51 weeks of the year.

mrsm43s · 12/08/2020 10:52

@BlueberryXPancakes

I'm not quite sure why some PP say the blinds are faulty. They simply aren't. They just have to be raised and lowered in accordance with the manufacturer's prescribed operating instructions. Yanking with brute force (which is clearly what happened) will pull any fixings off a wall.
Because the normal way to open or close a corded blind is to pull on the cord, which is all your DN did.

What are the manufactures instructions for raising and lowering a corded blind, that don't involve pulling on the cord? I'm genuinely curious as I have literally never in my life come across a corded blind where pulling on the cord was not the correct method of operation. I mean, what is the cord even for, if not to operate the blind?

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/08/2020 10:52

Saying "I had a lovely time" is not the same as a thank you, so she should have said thank you and so should her mum/parents.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/08/2020 10:54

Good god, let the blind go.

Grandmi · 12/08/2020 10:59

A thank you from her mother is the least I would expect because she benefited from your niece having a great time as well . The blind incident is really not worth getting annoyed about. I have broken the blinds in two of our rooms recently...accidents happen !!

relievedlady · 12/08/2020 11:01

Once my dc got to that kind of age we had all manner of normal use able objects broken 🙄
They seem to be quite heavy handed at that age,well mine were anyway.

We've had blinds pulled off walls,the odd curtain pole,bathroom pully snapped more than once,freezer inner drawers snapped,a kettle broken,one of ours even managed to snap a hinge on a fairly new double glazed window unit by opening it out to far and pushing it too hard Hmm

However that being said these things happen and now they've learnt nothing is indestructible it doesn't happen often now Grin

Original poster
BlueberryXPancakes · 12/08/2020 11:01

@mrsm43s

What are the manufactures instructions for raising and lowering a corded blind, that don't involve pulling on the cord? I'm genuinely curious as I have literally never in my life come across a corded blind where pulling on the cord was not the correct method of operation. I mean, what is the cord even for, if not to operate the blind?

Since you ask. The cord must be at 45° to lower and 0° to raise. That is just the way they work! Yanking with brute force at the incorrect angle will just cause damage.

OP posts:
Boireannachlaidir · 12/08/2020 11:08

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

Saying "I had a lovely time" is not the same as a thank you, so she should have said thank you and so should her mum/parents.
Absolutely agree. Your niece is rude for not saying thank you which isn't the same as saying you had a lovely time. However it's her parents fault for not instilling good manners in her and no wonder if they cba to say thank you themselves. I'd be annoyed about the fact niece ignored instructions about the blind but I think you have to put that down to experience as people that can't say a simple thank you will hardly reimburse you for the blind.

YANBU

Solution: don't invite her again.

Coffeeandbeans · 12/08/2020 11:11

Well Then perhaps the niece didn’t have a lovely time if she didn’t say thank you. Did you make her feel awkward with the blind.

madcatladyforever · 12/08/2020 11:24

Personally I think it's good manners to send a thank you card or letter and I was always made to do this as a child.
Same with christmas and birthday cards. I think this is important so your children grow up not to be ungrateful savages Wink
Everytime a child comes here they break something. I just put all my nice things away before they arrive, not much you can do about a blind though.

Original poster
BlueberryXPancakes · 12/08/2020 11:28

@Coffeeandbeans

Well Then perhaps the niece didn’t have a lovely time if she didn’t say thank you. Did you make her feel awkward with the blind.
Neice said she had a great week and my sister later confirmed that her daughter said she had a good week. Hopefully they weren't just lying. I did explain to neice that I was upset she had ignored my instructions not to operate the blind without help. I had only given these instructions because she broke the blind last year. I expect that this did make her feel a little awkward.
OP posts:
Inappropriatefemale · 12/08/2020 11:30

It’s family so pretty odd to say thanks, and even more odd to pay family in champagne and flowers, though you didn’t suggest that OP, another poster did.

Original poster
BlueberryXPancakes · 12/08/2020 11:32

I think I am fixating too much on blind issue! Thanks to all PP who have confirmed that IANBU for thinking a thank you might have been forthcoming for the week's stay. We did have a lovely week and it was nice for both my kids and hers to spend time together.

OP posts:
Angelina82 · 12/08/2020 11:34

Of course both your niece and her mother should have thanked you. If your sister knows about the broken blind she should at the very least apologise for that too. I would offer to replace it as well.

Anydreamwilldo12 · 12/08/2020 11:36

Did your niece say thankyou after her day at the theme park. My kids always say thankyou when we take them for a day out, it's just common courtesy. Perhaps your Sister hasn't taught her manners and is leading her daughter by example. It's rude.

Original poster
BlueberryXPancakes · 12/08/2020 11:45

@Anydreamwilldo12

Did your niece say thankyou after her day at the theme park. My kids always say thankyou when we take them for a day out, it's just common courtesy. Perhaps your Sister hasn't taught her manners and is leading her daughter by example. It's rude.
Not really although she said she loved it, so I was happy she enjoyed herself !
OP posts:
Original poster
BlueberryXPancakes · 12/08/2020 11:50

I don't want sister to pay for blind. She is perpetually brassic anyway! I have managed to get out my drill/rawlplugs and put some new fixings in. The wall now has more holes in but they are concealed by blind thankfully.

OP posts:
Immigrantsong · 12/08/2020 11:56

OP YANBU.

How is your relationship with your sister?

Anyone with manners would gift you a bottle of wine, or chocolates or something and a thank you for the help.

You can either bring it up or forget it and decide not to have the niece over again. The child will not learn about manners if the mum lacks them. What about her father? This would annoy me too btw, hate rudeness.

Gemma2019 · 12/08/2020 12:00

Family or not, I would be mortified if my child didn't thank you effusively for having her for a week and I would be so grateful for your help you would get bored of me thanking you!

Your niece has obviously learned her lack of manners from your sister, which is a shame. I know we don't do these things for the thanks, but a little appreciation goes a long way.

Also my godson has broken my blind twice now so I feel your pain! I now section the area off if I know he is coming over!

squanderedcore · 12/08/2020 12:18

No it is definitely NOT unreasonable to expect a thank you from your niece and your sister, preferably involving flowers and a bottle of wine. I can't stand the attitude that you don't afford your own famiily the same courtesies you would anyone else.

Having said all of that op, in the nicest possible way, either ask your sister to replace the blind (personally I think that would be a bit mean) or just replace it yourself! It's a bit of a hassle but nothing more. People are always more important than things!

Michaelbaubles · 12/08/2020 12:23

When my sil had my children for one evening I paid for takeaway, a bottle of gin, some nice chocolates and an amazon gift voucher for her (much older than my two) ds.

That’s way OTT and I’d find it awkward to be given all that for one night looking after my own relatives...a bottle of wine left on the side maybe but that’s way too much. Some people here are desperate to show how much they crawled with gratitude for relatively small things - your recipients probably feel like it’s way overboard! It’d put me off doing any favours for someone again because I’d feel like they felt obliged to buy me loads of shit in return.

DeeTractor · 12/08/2020 12:34

"
When my sil had my children for one evening I paid for takeaway, a bottle of gin, some nice chocolates and an amazon gift voucher for her (much older than my two) ds."

😳

Original poster
BlueberryXPancakes · 12/08/2020 12:36

@Immigrantsong

OP YANBU.

How is your relationship with your sister?

Anyone with manners would gift you a bottle of wine, or chocolates or something and a thank you for the help.

You can either bring it up or forget it and decide not to have the niece over again. The child will not learn about manners if the mum lacks them. What about her father? This would annoy me too btw, hate rudeness.

Relationship between us isn't close but we rub along OK. Blood's thicker than water and all that.

I won't say anything to sister or neice as it wouldn't be worth the upset caused. I think that my sister just expects family to step up with looking after and entertaining her DD. My parents are stalwarts and have my neice over all the time. Don't think they get any thank yous either but obviously love spending time with their grandchildren!

OP posts: