AIBU

[LainyM]

My parents live in a quiet close and have been there for 40+ years and have great relationships with many other people who live in the close, many of whom they consider good friends. They are both now retired. During the Summer they love to relax in the garden, however the family next door have one of those big swimming pools/ large paddling pools & everyday the children next door along with other invited kids are using it & are screaming/shouting playing etc for hours!

Now I know, on the one hand that sounds lovely, 'lucky children being children' hey, but the problem is that because of this my Mum & Dad can no longer enjoy their own garden with all the noise. My Mum has Tinnitus also which at times can be exacerbated by certain noises & when just 'putting up with it' is not an option.

Now I can see both sides, so please do not come for me, I am purely trying to see what the consensus is regarding should they do something or just say nothing? As a parent how would you feel about your neighbours needs & how would you feel if you were approached by your neighbour with this matter. Does one sides needs outweigh the others? My parents consider their needs everyday, eg after 7pm they will not use the hoover/my Dad will not use power tools (he often has DIY projects going on)/they will not use the lawn-mower, etc, etc, so not to wake the children next door. The man works nights & I know if they approached my parents and asked if they could 'keep it down' when he has to sleep during the day they would receive it kindly & do their best. They always inform/give notice to near neighbours if any noisey work was to take place or if they were having a party at home etc. They truly just want a harmonious relationship with their neighbours, who otherwise they get on well with but haven't known them for that long. I believe with neighbours it is give and take and it should be balanced. Anyway, what do you think, should they do something/speak to their neighbour about this? Thank you.

Unfortunately, paddling pools in summer is the child version of enjoying their garden.

I don’t particularly enjoy hours on end of shrieking child noise either, but it has to be expected in the summer months (and especially when lockdown reduces the activities available away from home).

If they are in bed by 7pm, maybe noise cancelling headphones will help during the day 🤔 I’m not sure it’s reasonable to ask them to stop provided it’s not anti-social hours etc.

Kids playing loudly in their garden for hours during the Summer?

Why on earth would anyone have a problem with that?

It's certainly not comparable with using power tools at night time unless absolutely necessary.

No, they shouldn't say anything at all as next month will be Autumn and it'll all start winding down after that.

The fact they've lived there for 40+ years doesn't make them any different to their new neighbours I'm afraid. It's not a game of Top Trumps.

And I'm sorry about your mum's Tinnitus as I suffer from it on and off but that is the reason why she can't enjoy her garden while the kids are enjoying theirs.

It's not the kids fault she suffers from that, as awful as it is to suffer from.

Eesh.
Coming at this a parent of two kids, both early teens now but not sure how old your parents neighbour's kids are?
Irrelevant really, sorry, however nasty for your parents as long as they're not doing it at silly o clock or too early in the morning not much you can do.
Would come under normal family noise otherwise
I mean, they have to go about their business too (reasonably?)

Well i dont know about their neighbors but if someone came over to my place and suggested my kid not use our pool during the day in summer, id laugh my ass off and close the door. Not even enter into a discussion as its an unreasonable request

As the parent of children who are enjoying their paddling pool daily, I must say I’m on the fence with this one. On the one hand, I can often be found asking my kids to keep it down myself either because 1. They’re just shrieking too much and I know it probably sounds very annoying to the neighbours 2. I’m trying to work inside and there will be others working from home too or babies that will be napping etc etc etc - so just trying to instil some thoughtfulness in the children from a young age (they are all under 6).

On the other hand, I would be slightly mortified if anyone asked me to tell them to be quieter (because I would feel a little judged, and sometimes it’s just not that easy for small children), and although I’m sure I would tell the kids to keep it down or even bring them inside, I really don’t want to be a constant summer party pooper...

Having said all that, if there was a specific health issue like the one you’ve mentioned OP, I think any reasonable neighbour would try their best to help. Your parents need to weigh up just how unbearable this is making things for them, versus how much they want to get along with their neighbours.

This time will pass fairly soon so it’s probably not worth saying anything.

Its a tricky one. As a mum with young kids, one who doesn't have a volume control, I can tell you it's nearly impossible to keep kids quiet when playing outside (or ever). I think in situations like this they just need to come up with a compromise. I don't think its unreasonable to talk to the neighbours and agree on having a couple of hours quiet time outside during the day so your parents can enjoy their garden. Neighbours can't be expected to have to listen to screaming kids all day everyday. I would just talk to them and see what can be worked out. I imagine if your parents used their garden late in the evening and made noise the neighbours would ask them to keep it down, it has to work both ways.

Agree with others that it’s unreasonable to ask children to be quiet in their own garden as long as it’s not past a reasonable hour. Would your parents consider investing in some noise reducing headphones so they could perhaps listen to some relaxing music and be able to relax outside?

I agree with @WorraLiberty the reason your mum can’t enjoy her garden is her medical condition. The neighbours behaviour is not outside the realms of reasonable. If your mum really can’t manage this then your parents really need to consider morning some more more isolated.

I'm sure you weren't perfectly quiet in your garden when you were little OP. Your retired neighbours could have had the use of their garden in sunny days spoiled by noise from your garden.

If you want peace and quite you need to move to somewhere more remote or where more retired people live. I would imagine that your parents moved in there 40 years ago as it was a nice house suitable for a family which it still is. If your retired parents have chosen to stay in a family house they have to except family noise.

Sounds like your parents have a good relationship with their neighbours if they have been asked to keep noise down whilst the guy is on nights.

It might be worth a friendly chat just asking if the kids can bring the noise down a touch as it’s affecting her tinnitus.

Could they speak to the neighbour's and try to come up with a compromise? For example your parents enjoy their garden till 12pm, the kids are in their pool between 12-7, your parents can use their garden in the evening. Ive said this on here before but there are 2 loud young boys next to me and I love hearing their made up games but the parents make sure they are not shrieking. However a couple of doors down same number of kids roughly the same age and they screech and shriek all the time when they are out, its drives everyone in the neighbourhood insane, their parents do nothing to make them lower their voices so they get louder and louder all day. I think parents trying to make sure their kids are considerate of neighbour's makes a big difference, as everyone tends to be more understanding then.

I wonder how the neighbour on night shifts is coping with the noise from his kids?

It would be unreasonable to stop them using the pool all together but it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask when they olan on having their lunch break ' as we'd like to plan some quieter time in the garden'.

Also, some children make really high-pitched piercing screams (as opposed to general shouting and squealing) and if that's happening I don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to stop that.

Noise - cancelling headphones sound like a good plan.

I don’t think in this weather it’s ok for your parents to try to stop the kids having fun due to your mothers tinnitus. As others said it’s also not comparable against the evening noise you list.

I’m sorry op, but your mothers health conditions are for her to manage, not her neighbours.

While I can understand how annoying it is for your parents I don't think there is anything they can do about this. They are just children, playing in their own garden, during the day.

Schools are (hopefully!!) open again in a couple of weeks. So the issue will only have been a temporary one. I’m wfh and children all along the road are enjoying their gardens, which can be noisy. I would love to work in peace and quiet, but I live alongside other people, so need to suck it up. If your parents have needs in respect of their health and intolerance for noise, then they should perhaps consider moving to a quieter area which is populated by other like minded people.

You can get ear things that help with tinititus OP. Maybe those would be an option for your mother?

Unfortunately I think if you want silence outside it's either go somewhere quiet, plant a Forrest around your garden to block it out or move somewhere remote.

I can also see both sides.

Like loads of people I'm wfh since lockdown, and the sound of shrieking kids in paddling pools and on trampolines all day is driving me mad, but I'm aware that's not my fault, kids playing outside during the summer holidays is normal. I do want to shout at them to stfu but know I can't.

Can you buy DM some expensive noise cancelling headphones?

It's just a normal thing I'm afraid that they will have to put up with. It's unusual in normal life for the weather to be good enough and schools are usually there to keep the kids occupied. Also families usually go away for a couple of weeks in the summer, so normal is around 4 weeks in the school summer holidays, weather permitting, and weekends, that this type of noise is there.

What I'm saying is normally the noise factor from kids playing is fairly minimal but the current times are unprecedented and we just have to suffer it. I'm sure it's not 9 am to 7 pm and continuous

When I'm working and I can hear all the neighbourhood kids having fun and shouting it's very annoying. Having to close my windows on a hot day so I can hear whatever interminable teams meeting I'm on is both sweltering and infuriating.
However. I have chosen to live in a city, with neighbours so I'm gonna hear them. Its just one of those things you have to live with or move to the countryside.

I don’t think there’s much your parents can do about this really except put up with it. Their need for a quiet garden does not trump the children’s need to play in their own garden.

The only way the neighbours could stop any noise would be by keeping their children in, wasting the pool they have set up and having to find something else to do instead, which might cost more money. It really wouldn’t be reasonable or realistically achievable for your parents to ask that there is no children noise in the garden.

if its screaming and shrieking its unnecessary. Shouting and laughing is fine.

An hour's peace at lunchtime wouldn't be unreasonable either. The children surely don't have a right to dominate the area all day?

Then headphones the rest of the time (though that means they can't talk or hear the phone or someone at the door)

I agree with pp, it's unreasonable to expect children to stay quiet dying the summer. It's extremely warm right now, I'd expect children to be out playing in the gardens.
I'm sorry about your mum, but you can't blame the children for that.

Definitely try the noise cancelling headphones.

Tinnitus is a bastard, and like a pp said - that's what's stopping your mum enjoying the garden, not the children playing normally.

I might consider having a very polite word if they are screaming/shrieking very loudly for hours, but other than that no, I don't think you can ask them not to play in the garden.