To wonder if those from different financial backgrounds may not have a future

[toiletpaper]

As the title goes really. I ask because my boyfriend has a job earning almost double mine (and I make a decent wage), comes from a wealthy family whereas I come from a working class background and has lots of savings whereas I don't - but I'm working on it. If things do move forward with us I know in the future he wants the nice house with the world touring holidays which I just cannot afford. However when I tell him this, he says he'll have to pay more towards things than me. This doesn't sit well with me plus I also don't want him to end up resenting me when/if that time comes. I'm quite happy with a modest house and a big holiday every, say 5 years with small ones in between and I don't know if he'd be happy with that when it's actually happening.

Does anyone have experience with this?

I come from an okay off family. True poverty before I was 6, then went to live abroad, compared to others in ex-socialist country we were loaded.
Husband: true poverty in a godforsaken small village in the second worst part of the country. Then he moved in with his alcoholic, abusive birth father at 14 as he got into the best highschool in the country in maths/physics. He never had money.
Very different start to life. Compared to him I was the one with the golden spoon.
Came uni: he got in to civil engineering, got free housing, some money for doing good (scholarship type of thing). He actually only had to study and got paid for it.
I went to private uni which my parents didn't fund, so had 2 jobs next whilst studying. Now who's the golden girl? :)

We met when i was in my last year. He was carefree, studying uni boy and I have been working my ass off for 3 years by then. I had savings, he had none. I could afford thing like holidays, he couldn't.

When he moved in we started a common pot. We had joint accounts and not me/you money.
The agreement was that over the years we'll keep it in balance:

• it's okay for some years that i earn much higher as long as he makes the effort to match it eventually.
• I will be off for 3 years on mat leave, so he has to step up by then
• whoever is earning less does more housework. - this actually still stands :)
• we always talk over any significant buy. Eg. car, travel... and we have to agree before buying anything

We never had arguments about this. It's just money. And my husband's words:
"Why would I want separate money? I want to spend it with you, that's what family means"

On a more practical level: as long as we have enough money earmarked "for whatever shit we want" we both buy whatever we want. We do comment on it (him on my yarn buying habits, me on his gadgets), but it's just banter.

Depends on how much you love and respect each other.

Married 25 years.
My husband was a lot better off than me when we met. Also, he was from a rich family, I was from a poor family. When we married we had joint bank accounts, join everything, no resentment on his side, no shame/guilt on my side. For a time about eight years ago, I was a lot richer than him, again, everything pooled, my money was his money. My family are still poor, his family are still rich. As a couple, we are the same though because it's all family money.

Ok, you may not be compatible - but you will need to really hash this out.

Stop overspending on dates - in your present situation, I'd be asking that you pay entirely for activities you plan yourself and take turns. He wants to take you away for a fancy weekend - all on him. You want to plan a cheap and cheerful getaway - all on you.

Then if you move in together, you have to compromise - which is just as much about the where and how you live as it is about your attitude to money.

It's just as unfair for him to be forced to live within YOUR means and wants as it is the other way around.

So yes, you might not be compatible. But in order to be sure of that, you need to really thrash it out between you.

Sounds like you're the only one bothered by the wage disparity and blame it on your class. DP earns triple what I do and comes from a wealthy family. Honestly we don't think about it. If I can't afford something I say so and we either don't go or if he's really keen he pays. I don't mind him doing that as it's him who wants me to go

In the short term, be honest and don’t agree to do things you can’t afford. If he wants to treat you by spending his money, fair enough.

If in future you decide you might like to live together you’ll need discussions about housing and money. These things can be resolved!

It's all about the attitude of each of you.

I was from a fairly ordinary background. Parents teachers.

DH is from an exceptionally wealthy background. Titled family, family seat up north, land etc.

His attitude from the off was what is his is mine. he is unrelentingly generous with his wealth. I was called a gold digger and felt really insecure about it all. I never wanted to take anything from him- and worked hard to show I was not a gold digger.

Then 15 eyars ago he had an accident and can no longer work. i am the breadwinner now. The first several years we had what we had because of him and his family. Now we have what we have because of him and his family and also because of me. We support each other. We love each other. Everything is pooled and joint. We don't keep score of what is what.

Amongst ourselves ( DH and me) and our friends and family it is very common for one partner/spouse to out earn the other by a multiple ( 3-5ish). It is also frequently the female outearning the male. The relationships I am thinking of go back up to decades plus ( and to my knowledge these relationships are strong ). Most importantly I believe there are similarities in interests and sense of humours, values, parenting ideas and very frequently intelligence. The income discrepancy is often through different levels of confidence, ambition, different career and vocational choices, landing decent respectful workplaces that encourage and support rather than bully and demean (or lie) and also the willingness of one partner to sacrifice for the other for a joint aim ( whilst the other partner ideally values and acknowledges their partner's choice) . Certainly in some of these relationships the likely more classically or potentially innately intelligent individual is the lesser earner. OP think what you bring to the partnership and value yourself, sounds like your partner does. It sounds like you are more worried about the financial side than they are.