Worried about paedophiles

35 replies

Myusernam · 11/08/2020 21:23

I have 2 daughters who are 5 and 3. I havent let them out of my sight since having them.
My daughter starts school tomorrow and I feel sick with worry.
I have been reading the Epstien stuff online (stupidly). Being a female myself I remember inappropriate behaviour from adults from an early age. And finally my mum was abused by her stepdad from the age of 7 and it absolutely ruined her whole life before dying in her early 40s.
I know I am being over anxious and I try to reason with myself but I am really worried that something bad will happen to one of my daughters.
I have had CBT in the past but not since having kids.
Am I crazy? Am I the only mum who thinks like this? Help.

OP posts:

sianyb83 · 11/08/2020 23:00

I work with sex offenders - I can tell you categorically the vast majority of these types of crime are not committed by a stranger or someone outside of the home. The biggest risk to a child in the 'unrelated male', unfortunately.
Schools are very safe environments, and in most cases they are the safe haven for children experiencing abuse at home.
The best thing you can do to protect you children is control who you expose them to, and as others have said, ensure they feel they can always tell you anything - creating a really open environment.

CherryPavlova · 11/08/2020 23:05

Your perception is going to have a huge negative impact on your children. There are no more paedophiles than ever were. Raise your children to be confident, to talk openly to you, to trust most people but to know boundaries.
Let them enjoy their childhood, their schooldays and leisure time. Cut the strings a bit. Your not letting them out of your sight isn’t healthy.

DivGirl · 12/08/2020 20:54

I used to work with victims of sexual violence - biggest risk is mum's partner/step dad, then it's step brothers, then it's uncles/grandfathers, friends of the family, dads, brothers, then right near the bottom it's professionals (teachers, doctors, etc).

You can't protect your children from the world, you can only give them the tools to deal with it. Right now that's teaching them whats okay and what's not, and who to speak to.

dwiz8 · 12/08/2020 21:03

I would look into more CBT if I were you. Bring this worried about something so uncommon and unlikely to effect you is not going to be good for you, or your children in the long run

wfh2020 · 12/08/2020 21:33

Be kind to yourself. Your views are shaped by family experience so don't expect to be as relaxed as other people. You will always likely be more aware of the possibilities for abuse than others, you just need to find a balance.

BubblyBarbara · 12/08/2020 22:01

Children are the most valuable thing you will ever have and I sympathise with you. You have genuine fears and while you can't go over the top don't let anyone say you are taking too much care of your children.

beabettermum · 12/08/2020 22:06

I get you OP.

I've been approached by men assuming I'm a single mother, asking if they can be DDs stepdad. I just wall off hurriedly and think, fucking paedo.

One guy last week said to me and DD in public "she's fine, just like her mum". Creepy son of a bitch. Wish I had the guts to scream paedophile. She's 4 years old.

I don't want my DD out of my sight either. All play dates at our house and I'll be watching her like a hawk around males I dont trust.

Haworthia · 12/08/2020 22:10

The NSPCC “Pants” campaign is really good. Empower your children to know what appropriate.

dwiz8 · 12/08/2020 22:17

@beabettermum

I get you OP.

I've been approached by men assuming I'm a single mother, asking if they can be DDs stepdad. I just wall off hurriedly and think, fucking paedo.

One guy last week said to me and DD in public "she's fine, just like her mum". Creepy son of a bitch. Wish I had the guts to scream paedophile. She's 4 years old.

I don't want my DD out of my sight either. All play dates at our house and I'll be watching her like a hawk around males I dont trust.

The issue tends to be the men you do trust. The vast majority of children are abused by their family members or trusted family friends

Thelnebriati · 12/08/2020 22:48

You've had some great advice, I'd just add to get into the habit of having a chat when you get home from school. How was your day, did you do anything nice? Let them talk and don't be too busy to listen. Eventually they'll want to talk about something that happened that wasn't good, like a falling out with a friend; just listen without making any judgements. Ask them if they want your help with anything and respect them if they say no.
Make a point of teaching them to say 'no', get them to practice with you.

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