So I know this doesn’t paint me in a good light but it’s how I feel.
Ex-Sil has a degenerative disease which I know has worsened since Ex and I split about 10 years ago. She lives about an hour away from where we live, and it has become apparent to me that ex has moved in with her and is presumably her carer. He doesn’t speak to me and hasn’t since I raised a CMS claim about 4 years ago, but from things the dc tell me I’m sure this is the case. Ex keeps a rented house in our town purely to have our dc in once or twice per week. He works from home, though work is putting it generously and that’s another thread.
The dc have told me that Ex-sil is looking to move to our town. Now I see that this would make sense as it would mean ex wouldn’t have to travel so much (money is an issue for him – see above comment about work) and it would be a lot more convenient. However, all their other family (mainly elderly people) are in the other town, as well as friends. Ex Sil had her mortgage paid off my her dps so ex would also be rent-free if this happened. He does come back every week without fail in term time, though can be a bit flakey in the holidays as he knows I work term time only so he can be a bit freer (this was the case ever since we split).
I’m really worried about her coming to live here. One reason is it just feels odd – she has no ties with this place and it feels like part of ex’s family coming very close to me, which has never been the case since we split. It was an acrimonious split based on his infidelity and the whole experience made me not want to see his family again. It’s a small place we live in so she’d be very near, people would know, I’d be certain to see her.
That reason is shit, I know, but I’m also worried about the effect on my dc. They are in their early teens and I’m really worried that they will become somehow responsible for her and that as a result, so may I. As I said, there is no one else here she would know. Ex also has the disease she has, though it seems to be a milder strain. What if the dc end up doing stuff for them, particularly if ex worsens? I don't want them responsible in any way. Yes, helping out a bit would be fine, but this seems to me to be two quite vulnerable people moving to somewhere where the only people they know are two kids and an ex, and it doesn't sit right with me. Also, when my dc go to uni, wouldn’t it then fall on me? Yes very selfish, but the whole thing makes me feel so anxious. I know I sound like a bitch and that there’s nothing I can do, but AIBU?