To be feeling sorry for myself and struggling to keep it together

[JustMeAndMyTins]

I know this probably belongs in 'health' but I am at the end of my tether here and I keep seeing comments about AIBU getting more traffic so here we are.

I've not been a good sleeper for a long time but - although it always made me feel crappy -I could nap for 2 or 3 hours if ever it all caught up with me.

At the beginning of covid I was really anxious and my sleep worsened and I, strangely (because anxiety is not new to me), lost the ability to nap! Long story short, I am no longer anxious about covid - but I've started to get anxious as a byproduct of the sleep situation (rather than as a cause of it) - but my sleep is getting worse (one hour last night) and I still haven't regained the ability to nap. Aside from feeling dreadful, I've started getting terrible headaches. And now I'm getting pins and needles in my limbs - mostly my left arm and hand, sometimes the right joins in and today my feet are doing it sporadically too. Any idea what that's about?

I've got a few physical health problems (IC, GERD, oesophageal spasms) and the sleep deprivation on top is now crippling me. The doc has given me some zopiclone who is great but not a long term solution (and apparently is terrible for reflux so that might explain the awful pain I've started to get in my chest) but is fixated on every symptom being anxiety. And as I said, I'm very au fait with anxiety and this all feels different.

Please tell me of your insomnia cures. At this point, I've gotten to a point where I worry that I'll never be able to fall asleep again unassisted. I'm doing guided stuff, have a white noise machine, have stopped drinking coffee later in the day, I exercise...

I'm doing a terrible job on my worst days - and none of us can afford to let that happen in these uncertain times. I'm crying off and on all day with sheer frustration at how exhausted I am. And I have quite a relatively senior corporate HR job where I need to be useful.

I can't go on like this. But I hate that I'm feeling sorry for myself when people are having such a hard time. Any words of wisdom?

Also - I've seen something in an ancient thread about 'resetting' my sleep with the zopiclone but the poster didn't explain how this works or what it even really means. Anybody in the know?

I have been here OP.

Its hard to imagine for most people who haven't experienced severe, chronic insomnia.

I've had a few severe bouts in my time. I had to quit my job at one time as I couldn't function and I was in the early stages od pregnancy. Luckily I had a supportive partner.

In one of them, I was convinced I was never going to sleep again at one point.

Doctors tried me on all the sleeping pills but not one single one worked at all for me.

All I can say is... These periods did pass. Obviously for me, they were linked to when I was depressed and had high anxiety too.

Do you take any anti-depressants or anything for anxiety?

Thanks for your reassurance @ReturnofSaturn. Sometimes it’s just great to hear that somebody ‘gets it’.

I don’t take meds for my anxiety as it’s generally well controlled - though I definitely have my bad spells. As I say, I haven’t felt anxious about covid for a good few months and that was what originally caused me problems. When I turned the corner I was actually really happy and relaxed...So I don’t know why I slipped back sleep-wise. And my ability to sleep on an afternoon never fixed itself which is maddening!

Was there anything in particular that helped you to improve things?

I ask about the anti-depressants as I'm wondering if you may be depressed without actually realising it?

The first episode I had of severe insomnia, I had been living abroad and had moved to a place where I didn't actually like ...I didn't realise at the time though what it was that was causing me the insomnia and low moods etc.

Anyway, that cleared up when we eventually moved again, to a different country actually, but in fact it was just delaying the inevitable and about 6 months later it all started creeping back again. I got pregnant too and depression and anxiety hit and the severe insomnia came back again... This is when I quit my job.

Had the baby. Got horrendous PND too, ended up in a mother-baby mental health unit for a few weeks. Had the severe insomnia issues again that were driving me even more crazy.

Luckily, very luckily, the psychiatrist in that unit hit on a winning combo of medications for me and the cloud lifted and the sleep issue got better too.
I was on 3 different types of meds. Citalopram and mirtazapine. The mirtazapine I took at night because it helps with sleep. I also took quitapine for the anxiety.

That was over 2 years ago now. I'm. Off the citalopram and quitapine. But I still take the mirtazapine at night.

I occasionally get the odd week or 2 of Insomnia but it's not too bad and only very occasionally now.

And I do sympathise with the horrid cycle of fretting so much about the lack of sleep which then makes it even worse. It's truly awful.

I feel for you, I really do. Sleep deprivation is literal torture. I haven't had any bouts of severe insomnia for a good few years now thankfully. At its worst I began to hallucinate and everything looked like it was underwater. On a 'good' day shadows would make me jump because I thought they were moving.

When my insomnia was at its worst I was on a lot of pain medication and in a very abusive relationship. I turned to alcohol on a regular basis to try and knock myself out, but it just made me feel very, very unwell. I left the relationship and stopped all my medications and I just gradually started sleeping vetter.

Are old are you? Sleep issues can often show up with the perimenopause, as does anxiety without feeling anxious, and other neurological issues.

The best thing to do is read books about it. They go on to explain the vicious cycle that comes with sleep deprivation, ie. your anxiety impact on your ability to sleep which lead to anxiety about not sleeping and living with all the symptoms of sleep deprivation.

They are many recommendations for food sleep hygiene that we should all follow, but those who are Reilly insomniacs are unlikely to see these to totally sort out the problem.

A combination of mindfulness and non addictive medication such as amitriptyline will help, at least to start accepting it.

My fellow insomniacs now laugh about it because ultimately, we are managing to live with it and survive.

I’ve got bipolar and when I’m hitting a manic phase sleep goes out of the window, which only exacerbates things. I’m on medication for my bipolar and Drs are always a bit reluctant to add anything else into the mix, so I started taking CBD oil for the anxiety/lack of sleep. I joined a group on Facebook and got a lot of advice, then went to a CBD store in the next town for a chat. I’ve got a reasonably low dose but it is brilliant. My sleep has improved and my anxiety is a lot easier to manage. You really do need to talk it through with someone who knows their stuff as CBD can interact with other meds.

This was me a few months ago. I also suffer from night time reflux. I didn't get anything nearly as strong as zopiclone, but had antihistamines to be used sparingly on really bad nights. They stop being effective if you use them more than a few times consecutively.

I started taking magnolia bark extract and it has really helped. Get the 90% honokiol and magnolol stuff, it works better than just the powdered bark in my opinion. Swanson or Nutricology seem to be reliable brands. It has the added effect of reducing my daytime anxiety, which is one of the other reasons I use it.

My night time routine involves taking 400mg of magnolia bark in tablet form, and then a dose of gaviscon. I keep antihistamines as a last resort in case I still can't sleep but it doesn't happen often.

Good luck OP. Insomnia is a nightmare. Hope you can find a workable long term solution.

@ReturnofSaturn I see your point about the meds. It’s possible that despite my happiness there has been an underlying emotional toll from living alone and working from home. And I did wonder whether a stint on citalopram would be helpful. I took it for a short while about 15 years ago and while it wasn’t sustainable because i had no personality or libido, it definitely gave me a break from myself!

I’m so sorry to hear about your own experiences but glad things have gotten to a stable place.

@Twigletfairy The trippiness is horrendous sometimes, isn’t it? Glad you left the situation and things got better.

@dontdisturbmenow I’m 35 but had some bloods relatively recently that included hormones and apparently no sign of perimenopause. Because I already was an onset insomniac - just not as bad - I feel like I’ve tried the sleep hygiene stuff to little avail. I’ve also read quite a few books but I’ve seen The Effortless Sleep Method mentioned here a lot so will get that at the weekend. I definitely could/should do better with meditation.

@OfTheNight That sounds tough - glad you found some relief with CBD. I’ve just bought some (Blessed?) but am yet to try it and can’t start tonight as I’m definitely taking a zopiclone after yesterday. This week though! 🙂

@msflibble That is so interesting about the magnolia bark. I’m going to investigate that this week. Do you take Gaviscon Advance? It’s the only thing that helps my night time reflux but I don’t take it every day (and not with zopiclone - though I really don’t know it it matters).

Thank you all for responding. I’ve never started a chat and I really appreciate you taking the time to offer some comfort and advice.

Yeah, Gaviscon advance in the little sachets is the one I take. Seems to work ok. I ended up with the gaviscon pregnancy ones this time by accident and they don't work as well. Sometimes I take a 1/2 tsp of baking soda first too but I try to do this rarely as it's so much sodium.

The magnolia bark has been pretty good for me. I was on antidepressants for several years and went a bit haywire with insomnia and anxiety when I came off them but didn't want to go back onto them due to unpleasant withdrawal and the fact that long-term effects of them aren't brilliantly understood. Magnolia bark has been used in Chinese medicine for hundreds of years and seems to have other health effects too so seemed like a good fit to me. It's supposed to have anxiolytic effects similar to Valium without the druggy feeling - but I've taken valium many times before and it's not similar at all imo. Much subtler effect of just making me feel like a normal, non-crazy human who can sleep relatively well.

Hope you find a fix soon - try various remedies here and there and you're bound to land on something that helps!

I had a very bad bout in the past. The only thing that helped me was talk therapy and Klonopin. I was on it for about three months, very gradually weaning myself off it. I slept the first night on it. Huge hugs, I’ve been there and it was awful.

I go through periods of really poor sleep altho not this bad you poor thing . Then I also get anxious about not being able to sleep knowing that Il be exhausted the next day , still not sleep despite the exhaustion and on it goes ! I have no real advice I’m sorry because the things you have tried are all I end up doing and they usually help me eventually as well as trying a natural sleep aid type tablet I forget the name Though.

Just wanted to say with the zopiclone it quite literally knocked me out ! I was on it for about a month or so to help me sleep when I came off some long term medication ( side effect of withdrawing off it was insomnia ) it made me feel like a zombie the next morning though and I would have very literally memory the next day of the time between taking it and falling asleep !

Maybe by resetting your sleep pattern they mean that taking it will make your bodyclock or whatever adjust to sleeping at certain times or for a certain length of time maybe

Good luck

Following for tips as I too have been suffering with severe insomnia for the last year or so. I recently invested in a weighted blanket, but it’s been too bloody hot to try it out thus far (I’m menopausal too) Bloody nightmare, but without the zzz’s to go with it

Thanks @Wrenna. I’m going to start some therapy. I have some stuff to work through aside from any new problems so hopefully it’ll help me generally to feel more at peace - which can’t hurt!

Thanks @. I’m taking mine actually in bed for that reason! I wonder if you’re right and people are talking about using it to establish a routine/pattern. I’ve only taken 2 so far and not consecutively...I thought the doc just wanted me to catch up when he said he’d recommend taking it 3 nights in a row at first. Hmmm. I was trying to avoid the zombie thing by not doing that.

Don’t know what happened there!

Thanks @Clumsyduck. I’m taking mine actually in bed for that reason! I wonder if you’re right and people are talking about using it to establish a routine/pattern. I’ve only taken 2 so far and not consecutively...I thought the doc just wanted me to catch up when he said he’d recommend taking it 3 nights in a row at first. Hmmm. I was trying to avoid the zombie thing by not doing that.

You could try vitamin K2, as it has wide-ranging preventative health effects. Maybe take it in the morning, if you are already insomniac (in a small number of people it has that effect, but it shouldn't make it worse, anyway).

And maybe record what you eat in general, on Cronometer, so you can see if you are lacking any other micronutrients (e.g. potassium etc).

are you doing enough exercise op? sorry if I've missed something you said earlier but running walking or home workouts have really helped me with sleep and to feel better generally

Yes do OP I once had to be carried up to bed after taking it downstairs !!!!
Yes I think so you know like how sometimes you get into a good sleep pattern and it sticks . Or when you get in to a bad sleep pattern that also Sticks, like you end up waking up at the same time etc I’d think it might work like that . Worth a try eh :)

Yeh it just left me quite foggy the next day but still better than being exhausted and anxious

Reporting in after a decent sleep. Groggy from the zopiclone but I may make it through the day without crying! 🙂

@rosiejaune I think there’s K2 in my vitamin D supplement but I’ll check. It’s a good shout - I was deficient in D and B12 but have fixed those BUT I’m low in folate so I wonder if that’s the problem. I just bought some pills but forgot about them to be honest and the parcel is still in the hallway!

@stovetopespresso I’m exercising but not wearing myself out the way I would at the gym...I’m also super inconsistent with it.

@Clumsyduck Foggy over exhausted and anxious any day of the week! 🙂

So glad you slept! x

I haven’t read other comments but I’ve had severe anxiety/pregnancy/weather induced insomnia.

Limit/cut out caffeine and sugar intake
Bath/shower before bed and a few sprays of Magnesium oil spray on my legs has been an absolute god send
Make your bedroom your sanctuary and if it means fresh bedding every day then so be it!

No advice just wanted to sympathise it sounds awful. I haven't experienced it but I wonder if some CBT or hypnosis might help.

Thanks @Wrenna.

I had a good little run but it turned to shit again on Friday night. The headaches the insomnia is causing are really tough. I got the Effortless Sleep Method audiobook earlier as so many people are recommending it. Fingers crossed.

Thanks @Emeraldshamrock. Hypnosis doesn’t work on me but CBT-i is a thing. I don’t have the cash for a real person at the moment but I have an app I’m working through.

@MrsA2015 Sorry to hear this is so familiar to you too! I haven’t noticed magnesium oil working so I never stick with it but thanks for flagging - I’ll dig it out. Fresh sheets every day?! I couldn’t get them dried!

The bedroom as a sanctuary thing is probably a problem for me. I live in a studio and can’t implement the lines of demarcation that specialists advise. Annoyingly, my desk is attached to the wall and it’s near the end of my bed...That can’t be good while I’m wfh. I am looking for somewhere new though!

Thanks again to all of you who have responded. Your kindness has lifted me throughout the past week.