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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wierd comments

31 replies

NK4a60384X115635c6e45 · 03/10/2007 02:07

I showed a certain 30 something male person some photographs recently. One was of my 3 year old niece, she was half naked, innocently playing in sand (not posing in a way that could have been seen as provocative at all.) The certain person said with a tone of anger in his voice that the picture was pornagraphic. Other pictures were of myself when i was a young child. The certain persons response to to those, said with some tension in his voice was 'you will turn me into a paedophile.'

I didn't reply to either comment as i didn't know what to say.

OP posts:
ILovePudding · 03/10/2007 02:53

That's a bit creepy isn't it?

I think it's probably just a reflection of the hightened awareness of child abuse in society today though. People are on high alert for peodophile activity, which is obviously a good thing. But I think it has left a lot of men feeling self consious of their behaviour around children in case any innocent activity is misconstrued.

There are some fairly extreme measures in place to protect children, like parents not being able to takes photos at swimming galas for example. Your friend may just have been lead to believe that it is inappropriate for him to see any naked pictures of children.

YANBU to find his comments weird. Although your friend probably didn't mean any harm and just didn't express himself very well.

vacua · 03/10/2007 09:34

How could a 3 year old pose in a provocative way?

ChantillyLace · 03/10/2007 11:17

I agree that he probably felt very uncomfortable because of society being so highly aware of child abuse and paedophilia. A friend's husband refuses to bath his daughters any more which is very sad but he just feels very uncomfortable and I've known men to leave the room is a child (especially female) is having her nappy changed!

It's so sad that we can't take photos of our kids in a public place without asking other parents' permission in case their children get into the photo. I've been to birthday parties where the parents have asked if they can video the children playing!

It doesn't help when there are so many online sites where parents put pictures of their kids which are open to society's 'evil' people.

The other day in town I saw a little girl (about 3) with her mother trying on a skirt in the middle of the shop andher mother was saying 'go on baby, strut your stuff! Show 'em how sexy you are'!! Is it just me, or is that very wrong???!

MerlinsBeard · 03/10/2007 11:18

you can't turn someone into a peadophile

mrsmerton · 03/10/2007 11:21

Maybe he thought if people saw him looking at pics like those he would be thought of as a paedophile????

oatcake · 03/10/2007 11:28

My friend was in a sauna a few months ago and there were two mid 20s blokes in there larking about. One said to his mate "I'm sweating like a paedophile in a kindergarten" which would have warranted a mouthful from me had a been there...

glitterchick · 03/10/2007 13:31

ChantillyLace - you only had to go into Primark over the summer to see some of the stuff they were selling for toddlers and little girls. Totally inappropriate.

whiskeyandbeer · 03/10/2007 13:50

trust me as a man i understand what he was trying to say although he certainly did not say it well.
it is just a terrible indictment of our tabloid soceity that a man can show very little enthusiasm towards children other than his own or nephews and nieces (and even then it can be misconstrued) without the fear that someone will label him a paedophile or nonce.
it is ridiculous and completely ott but that's how it is at the moment.
if a woman kissed (on the cheek/forehead) someone elses kid when playing with them it shows she is motherly, if a man does it someone will think he's weird.
it has turned some men overprotective as mud sticks in this day and age.
he probably feared a chain of events like this.
you show him the pictures -> someone sees you showing him the pictures and says "oh yeah nk4 was showing x some pics of her kid at the beach -> someone else saying did you hear x was looking at pics of nk4s kid at the beach -> oh did you hear x has kiddy porn

completely irrational but people are scaremongered into obedience easily

vacua · 03/10/2007 14:18

It's totally hysterical. Admittedly it is a nasty crime but so are most, by definition, why is society so obsessed?

TripletEm · 03/10/2007 14:31

I think that he was trying to say very clearly,incase anyone else was watching,or to make you know that he DEFINATELY isn't one!! You know men,they like to state,sometimes in the wrong way, not express!! It's such a shame how everythings changed,even in the summer my DH won't let my dx3 play in the front garden with their tops off(4yrs). I think parents have become very suspicious (unfortunately who can blame us)of people which is probably why your friend was being so angry.
Still a bit of a numpty thing to say though!!!

Walnutshell · 03/10/2007 14:34

Hmm, think some of you are being very kind. Personally, I would feel the need to challenge that comment - a very, very disturbing thing to say. Don't add him to your list of babysitters.

vacua · 03/10/2007 14:57

Would an actual paedophile really draw attention to themselves in that way? Do people seriously believe there is one lurking round every corner?

Twigaletto · 03/10/2007 14:58

certain person should be avoided

Baffy · 03/10/2007 15:02

just because society may be obsessed with this, doesn't mean that it's the first thing that would jump into my head

and even worse to actually say those things out loud

totally inappropriate. you won't 'turn' him into anything. he's having those thoughts all for himself.

he's best avoided imo.

3ScaryMonstersAndNoMore · 03/10/2007 15:03

It so reflects the society we live in now
Anything could be construed into having some perverse sexual meaning etc...I do feel sorry for the ordinary Bloke, because they could so easily be targetted...I mean, I have read messages on here and some other forum about people beign worried just when a blokse dares to sit near them in a park...probably minding their own business...but because they may sit near a play park they might be pedophiles...etc...really sad!

3ScaryMonstersAndNoMore · 03/10/2007 15:03

btw...I do find the behvaiour of teat certian person a bit odd...as in...what an odd comment to make...

vacua · 03/10/2007 15:05

admittedly he would probably not make his way onto my list of 'people to foist my children onto' either

Tinker · 03/10/2007 15:09

ewwwww.

Original poster
NK4a60384X115635c6e45 · 03/10/2007 15:20

i really appreciate your comments. I hesitate to write this but i know he was into 'Hentai' type of porn, really sorry to mention that here, (i wouldnt recommend any of you google that.) I feel compelled to have it out with him about the paedophile comments, my guess is he would deny having said anything. Again i appreciate your comments and im sorry for having posted this here.

OP posts:
Mungarra · 03/10/2007 16:37

I think it was a weird thing to say. It reminds me of those 'straight' men, who are inordinately interested/scandalised by homosexuality.

I certainly wouldn't leave him alone with my children.

vacua · 03/10/2007 16:40

I asked my daughter what 'hentai' was and got a full and frank description

Pennies · 03/10/2007 16:46

Wierd thing to say - esp twice.

What's hentai ?

vacua · 03/10/2007 16:49

from wiki: "Hentai anime and manga allow elements of sexual fantasy to be represented in ways that would be impossible to film. This may include portrayals of sexual acts which are physically impossible, unacceptable in society, or run counter to social norms. Examples include extreme bondage, creatures with tentacles, and other fetishes."

My daughter's explanation was much more interesting!

Vikkin · 03/10/2007 17:04

Yeuch (at OP and hentai).
It's a sick strange world.
I do remember an acquaintance of my husband's saying something that I found slightly 'off'. Nobody else present did but certainly that acquaintance was swiftly dropped. So long ago I can't even remember what was said.

suwoo · 03/10/2007 17:08

Just googled hentai I couldn't help it- too nosy. Is it always drawings? weird and v adolescent, I think.

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